OK for child to take, and play, a musical instrument?

[ThisOldThang]

Is it ok for a child to bring and (loudly) play a musical instrument at a birthday party?

This has now happened at both my young childrens' birthday parties.

A child's parents have arrived with child + acoustic guitar and the child has loudly played the guitar in our living room when everybody is socialising.

The child appears to be on the spectrum and is very talented, but I don't think either of those things is a valid reason for inflicting loud, intrusive music onto everybody when you're attending a birthday party.

AIBU?

Acoustic guitar is not loud.
Child is 'on the spectrum' and this is perhaps a way of managing otherwise potentially worse behaviours.
Parents could do more to prevent disruption or dominance of party although depends how long child is playing for. Have you spoken to them about it?

Not if it annoys people. Ask them not to (or rather, ask the parents when they turn up with a guitar if they could leave it in the car as you already have music/don't feel it's appropriate.

Autism is not really relevant, it's not like the child picked up a guitar that was lying around and played it, they brought one with them.

I think that is quite rude actually. You go to a party to participate not to willfully do your own thing, disrupting everyone else.

Of course it's rude, if the child can't go out without an instrument the parents need as a minimum to speak to the host beforehand

Are you sure they aren't the type of parent who thinks their child is so wonderful and that everyone should be dazzled by them?

No, not ok. If it’s a way of managing potentially more disruptive behaviour then the parents should discuss this with the host in advance.

‘Anyway, here’s Wonderwall’

Are they expecting people to listen and clap, or is it more
of a coping technique for the child involved?

Either way, it’s a bit rude.

If child sits apart and practises, then I wouldn't have a problem. If talented, they practise a lot. If ASC, this may be their current focus. If it's a way to get him to the party, or calm him whilst there, then that's ok and not rude imo. But if he's expecting an audience or attention, then that's not ok. Really his parents would need to help him with that because he is going to be increasingly excluded from parties.

@oviraptor21

"Acoustic guitar is not loud."

Yes it is. Especially in a living room when people are talking normally."

It's rude.

Pre-arranged and with the support of the hosts of the party, yes, not otherwise.

You'd think the "I've brought my guitar" menace wouldn't start until the teens at least.

Kids these days!

Are they expecting everyone to stop and listen and highly praise the amazing abilities of their prodigy?

Or is it that their autistic child needs a safe space and calming activity (which for them is guitar playing) otherwise they would be overwhelmed and possibly meltdown at a party in a strange place with lots of people and noise?

If the first, highly unreasonable and next time I'd be telling them that you had the music sorted and there was no need for a guitar, please don't bring it.

If the second, could you offer them another room, dining room, kitchen, study, bedroom, away from the main action that they could play in? So they stay calm and happy and others can get on with the party.

Is it a party where all parents and siblings stay? Or usually just the birthday child's friends stay, but this family have decided it's a family outing and turn up en masse when everyone else just drops and runs? That needs nipping in the bud if no other adults/siblings are staying.

‘Hey Billy. If you want to play your guitar you’ll have to sit in the other room/kitchen/bedroom as we’re trying to chat’

it’s rude. Direct the child to another space regardless what the parents think

@xyzandabc

I think it is just lazy parenting.

The child is very high functioning and can easily cope with these events. They just can't be bothered to say no and/or don't see an issue with it.

It wouldn't bother me. If it meant the child could attend my kids birthday party without becoming overwhelmed, it wouldn't bother me.

Inclusion and all that.

It's very rude and acoustic guitars are loud in a small space.

You have no idea what they can and can't cope with.

My autistic kid would bloody hate another kid playing a guitar loudly and would have to leave.

What were you saying about inclusion @anon12093?

I guess next year Eric Clapton won't get many invitations and his parents will wonder why!

My ASD child often wants/needs (not always clear...) to take an instrument with them when we go places. However, they would need to play in another room away from the party unless the host specifically asked them to play for a short period. I would also ask the host in advance if it was OK for my DC to bring the instrument and if there was somewhere they could practise. It is nothing to do with how good they are (they are actually very gifted) but about manners and not inflicting it on others... and these are things that we have to work on so even more important that we model and boundary what is appropriate.

Never turned up with an instrument but my dd would play the piano or grab any instrument she found at a party (never happened at a kids party but has at other kinds, also hotels, weddings etc) she can play most things, I'm not kidding, she's autistic. She is grade 8 on 4 and plays many others very well but I refused to pay for any more exams!

Don't see the issue at all, many posters sound jealous of musical ability here.

Same child at both parties? I wouldn't have invited them back after the first one! YANBU.

You don't see the issue with someone coming to someone else house and dominating the space uninvited?

Yup must be jealousy from the others