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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK for child to take, and play, a musical instrument?

145 replies

ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 09:13

Is it ok for a child to bring and (loudly) play a musical instrument at a birthday party?

This has now happened at both my young childrens' birthday parties.

A child's parents have arrived with child + acoustic guitar and the child has loudly played the guitar in our living room when everybody is socialising.

The child appears to be on the spectrum and is very talented, but I don't think either of those things is a valid reason for inflicting loud, intrusive music onto everybody when you're attending a birthday party.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 11:48

Confusion101 · 07/05/2023 11:40

This happens at my family events too. One (adult) family member insists on whipping out the guitar at any given moment and we all have to sit and listen. Drives me nuts and is so rude and attention seeking (in this case).

There was a sketch show in Australia about 20 years ago. It was like a mock lifestyle show, I wish I could remember it so I could find the clip.

But they had a scene on how to manage when you're at a party and everyone is enjoying themselves, and some wanker pulls out the guitar and starts playing some self indulgent nonsense, forcing everyone to listen.

The advice was to fight fire with fire: stand up, drop your pants and start furiously masturbating in front of everyone until the musician takes the hint.

I didn't want to mention it earlier because OP was asking about a child.

If anyone remembers the same clip, please post the link!

SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 11:50

gogohmm · 07/05/2023 10:24

Never turned up with an instrument but my dd would play the piano or grab any instrument she found at a party (never happened at a kids party but has at other kinds, also hotels, weddings etc) she can play most things, I'm not kidding, she's autistic. She is grade 8 on 4 and plays many others very well but I refused to pay for any more exams!

Oh please put a pin in this, I guarantee you're annoying people.

Lovely she's so talented though.

MonteStory · 07/05/2023 11:51

Skyandsurf has completely hit the nail on the head. The behaviour is annoying. You can be annoying/spoilt AND autistic.

The discussion of inclusivity is an interesting one and a good argument for trying to stick with social norms so others know what to expect. Just doing whatever the fuck you want is nothing to do with inclusivity. It’s a room where people are chatting - behave appropriately. A disco? Expect loud noise.

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:01

@SkyandSurf surely grown adults aren't annoyed with a talented child playing music? There's a major chip on the shoulders of a lot of Brits where they can't see someone doing something well without wanting to tear them down - a real shame.

Nevermind31 · 07/05/2023 12:04

If it is my living room I would just say… let’s put this away now, it’s loud enough as it is

DurhamDurham · 07/05/2023 12:05

I think it's rude of the parents to enable this, they must think that everyone else is as enamoured and impressed with their child's musical ability as they are.
It's great that they're musical but there's a time and a place. Another child's birthday party isn't that time unless they've been invited to play by the hosts.

Snugglemonkey · 07/05/2023 12:07

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:01

@SkyandSurf surely grown adults aren't annoyed with a talented child playing music? There's a major chip on the shoulders of a lot of Brits where they can't see someone doing something well without wanting to tear them down - a real shame.

It would be fine if it is a suitable setting. In my home at my child's birthday party? No, they can fuck right off.

Firstly, it is my child's party. Do it at your party, but children get one party a year, it is entirely reasonable their party is about them.

Secondly, my nuerodoversity means I could not cope with all that noise in a small room. I definitely could not talk etc.

Clymene · 07/05/2023 12:09

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:01

@SkyandSurf surely grown adults aren't annoyed with a talented child playing music? There's a major chip on the shoulders of a lot of Brits where they can't see someone doing something well without wanting to tear them down - a real shame.

It's another child's birthday party, not a recital

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 12:10

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:01

@SkyandSurf surely grown adults aren't annoyed with a talented child playing music? There's a major chip on the shoulders of a lot of Brits where they can't see someone doing something well without wanting to tear them down - a real shame.

This is happening at another child's birthday party? You got that, right?

JandalsAlways · 07/05/2023 12:12

YANBU. Seems rude based on you saying it was loud and intrusive

SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 12:13

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:01

@SkyandSurf surely grown adults aren't annoyed with a talented child playing music? There's a major chip on the shoulders of a lot of Brits where they can't see someone doing something well without wanting to tear them down - a real shame.

It's delightful in the right setting. Like a recital.

But if Im at a family party then I want to catch up with my family before we all go back to our busy lives, not marvel at little Timmy's interpretation of Chopin for extended periods of time.

It's about context and whether your musical performance is expected or interrupting.

Also as I said earlier, my child has hearing difficulties so accomodating Mini Mozart's need to share their gift would mean a loss of accessibility for my child as well as being frankly quite boring for me.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/05/2023 12:14

Wow no. Nobody wants that!

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:14

I did, thank you so much @ReadersD1gest

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 12:15

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:14

I did, thank you so much @ReadersD1gest

Well then you should also have got how rude it is to dominate another child's party like this 🤷🏻‍♀️

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:17

Don't be silly @ReadersD1gest, just let talented kids be talented. No need to keep music only to recitals 😊. This is definitely a British thing, other countries are just so much better at nurturing this kind of thing rather than raised to think skills should be hidden.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 07/05/2023 12:17

Your child started playing the piano at someone else’s wedding reception?

In fairness I have fond memories of an engagement party (afternoon) where a 5 year old got at the piano and belted out a raucous version of Seven Nation Army.

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 12:20

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:17

Don't be silly @ReadersD1gest, just let talented kids be talented. No need to keep music only to recitals 😊. This is definitely a British thing, other countries are just so much better at nurturing this kind of thing rather than raised to think skills should be hidden.

I don't think I'm being silly, I do think you sound quite mannerless and hard of thinking.
Nobody is advocating for talent and skills to be hidden 🙄
Do your kids get invited to many parties?

SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 12:22

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:17

Don't be silly @ReadersD1gest, just let talented kids be talented. No need to keep music only to recitals 😊. This is definitely a British thing, other countries are just so much better at nurturing this kind of thing rather than raised to think skills should be hidden.

🙋‍♀️ FWIW- I'm not British. This is batshit.

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:22

So many @ReadersD1gest,! We love parties 🎉

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 12:25

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:22

So many @ReadersD1gest,! We love parties 🎉

I'll bet you make them go with a swing... for all the wrong reasons.

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 12:27

@ReadersD1gest 😂😂😂

Clymene · 07/05/2023 12:33

When you parent an autistic child, one of the things you may need to do is teach them appropriate context for different types of behaviour as often they find it difficult to pick up social cues.

This is one of those instances. While Johnny might be a truly gifted guitarist, a birthday party for another child is not the right occasion to showcase his talent. Family party hosted by his parents? Fine. Johnny needs to learn that and his parents need to teach him.

kingtamponthefurred · 07/05/2023 12:39

Waiting for the parents' thread: why does our child not get invited to parties any more?

EmilyEmmabob · 07/05/2023 12:43

This reminds me of when we used to visit friends, they lived a couple of hours away and would very generously let us stay at their house. In return we were treated to performances by their child on the guitar approximately every 2 hours. The mother was very serious about this and we all had to listen and praise (lest we damage the child's self esteem). After a few visits we decided to stay in a hotel for the next one, the friends turned up with their child and yep, they brought the guitar. So the restaurant and lounge area were tortured with us.

They just didn't see why it would ever be an issue. We don't see them any more but I do wonder how the child turned out.

It's VU, especially at an event which is supposed to be about someone else,

Kaaplumff · 07/05/2023 12:47

Irridescantshimmmer · 07/05/2023 11:44

A child with autism has an innability to participate with other people/kids so the guitar would have helped them cope with a party which may feel very intense for a child with autism, it may have prevented multiple meltdowns.

Show quote history

I completely appreciate that but it's not a free pass to turn up to someone else's celebration be disruptive. You wouldn't let a ND kid take a guitar to someone's wedding and let them loudly play it all day would you? The parents here are at fault. They should have either made the decision that their child wasn't able to cope with a party or spoken to the host and agree on a reasonable adjustments to help the child participate. I'm sure everyone is supportive of this child's excellent guitar ability but it wasn't a concert, it was another kid's special day. Birthdays mean a lot to children and usually incur a bit of cost on the parents. You have to be fair to everyone.