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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

OK for child to take, and play, a musical instrument?

145 replies

ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 09:13

Is it ok for a child to bring and (loudly) play a musical instrument at a birthday party?

This has now happened at both my young childrens' birthday parties.

A child's parents have arrived with child + acoustic guitar and the child has loudly played the guitar in our living room when everybody is socialising.

The child appears to be on the spectrum and is very talented, but I don't think either of those things is a valid reason for inflicting loud, intrusive music onto everybody when you're attending a birthday party.

AIBU?

OP posts:
BeerBot · 07/05/2023 10:31

When the child arrives just say, " i see you've brought your guitar again Freddy. If you want to play it can you go in the kitchen (or wherever) as it's too noisy in the living room for everyone else"

But I'm intrigued at a children's party that you can hear a guitar over the noise of all the children playing!

Original poster
ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 10:35

@beerbot It was a young child's birthday party with family attending. Adults outnumbered children.

OP posts:
Seeline · 07/05/2023 10:37

How old is the child?

SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 10:40

I'd find this deeply annoying.

OP, next time just direct the child to a bedroom or other place. 'That's lovely Bobby but we are chatting in here, you can use Lucy's room if you want to practice guitar'

NeverDropYourMooncup · 07/05/2023 10:45

Ask the parents if they've heard about the festival circuit being extremely inclusive and welcoming of children with such talent.

They'll be off and out of your hair every Saturday and Sunday from April - September to support 'Felix, the Children's Clapton' until at least sixteen (and then he'll fuck off on his own to find himself in a new age space stoner prog band).

Original poster
ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 10:47

@Seeline the guitar child is 8 years old.

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 07/05/2023 10:53

Are they a relative @ThisOldThang?

Otherwise, just don't invite them, or ask them to play in another room.

Choconut · 07/05/2023 10:58

Are they family as this sounds like you don't really want them there but are obliged to have them? Is it the same for the child do you think? They don't want to be there so they've been allowed to bring the guitar to persuade them as the parents feel they should attend?

Maybe ask if the child would do a 2 favourite song performance at the end of the party and then get them to practice upstairs if they want to beforehand so as not to spoil the show. If the child has ASD they might much prefer to be upstairs practicing the guitar on their own then at the party anyway.

Seeline · 07/05/2023 11:02

If the events are mostly adults and very young children, an 8 yo is going to get board very quickly.
I suspect you also don't really know how his autism impacts his daily life or that if his family.
An acoustic guitar is really not that loud, but 8 he would be perfectly fine in a neighbouring room. Leave him to get on with it.

Original poster
ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 11:05

They are related, which is why I know the child is perfectly capable of coping without an instrument.

I like the child, but they are very spoiled and can be incredibly rude. The parents just turn a blind eye and allow the child to do whatever they like.

OP posts:
BeerBot · 07/05/2023 11:07

ThisOldThang · 07/05/2023 10:35

@beerbot It was a young child's birthday party with family attending. Adults outnumbered children.

Ah in that case he probably doesn't want to come and is bribed with the guitar!
If it's cousins do they not all go and play together? Is there entertainment/games laid on for the children attending?
When we had a first birthday party with children there between 3-10 we did games for them and had play equipment in the garden for them.
I think the child is bored!

MrsSkylerWhite · 07/05/2023 11:09

No that’s rude. The party is about the person whose birthday it is, not the guest.

Kanaloa · 07/05/2023 11:11

It’s very rude, but some people are quite rude. If you’re his auntie/it’s your home then just say ‘please don’t play in here, we’re all chatting in here.’

DrMarciaFieldstone · 07/05/2023 11:13

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 10:26

Don't see the issue at all, many posters sound jealous of musical ability here.

What a take

fitzwilliamdarcy · 07/05/2023 11:16

gogohmm · 07/05/2023 10:24

Never turned up with an instrument but my dd would play the piano or grab any instrument she found at a party (never happened at a kids party but has at other kinds, also hotels, weddings etc) she can play most things, I'm not kidding, she's autistic. She is grade 8 on 4 and plays many others very well but I refused to pay for any more exams!

Your child started playing the piano at someone else’s wedding reception?

Annoyingwurringnoise · 07/05/2023 11:18

I play guitar and have been known to take it to parties, but I wouldn’t if people didn’t want it there.

I am not a child though, and I am not autistic.

also, like, has anybody actually requested that the child doesn’ bring the guitar or stop playing it? It seems most OPs don’t actually attempt to address their issue, they just come on here to bitch instead.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 07/05/2023 11:18

I’m not musical so probably just well jel but this sounds bloody annoying. Definitely agree with offering a different room for him to play in but that’s all you need to offer to be inclusive. Being inclusive doesn’t mean that the child gets to play the instrument regardless of the impact on everyone else there.

DysmalRadius · 07/05/2023 11:19

Have some of the posters on here not heard an acoustic guitar?!?! They're specifically designed to be loud!!

rookiemere · 07/05/2023 11:22

herewego9 · 07/05/2023 10:26

Don't see the issue at all, many posters sound jealous of musical ability here.

Seriously? It's not a recital opportunity or a street performance. The focus is meant to be on birthday DC, not the guitar strummer. Fine I guess if DPs have asked in advance if it is ok and get him to stop if it looks like he is interrupting proceedings, not so fine to just rock up and let him get on with it.
Sadly yes guitar boy wouldn't be invited back by me to a party.

SkyandSurf · 07/05/2023 11:29

fitzwilliamdarcy · 07/05/2023 11:18

I’m not musical so probably just well jel but this sounds bloody annoying. Definitely agree with offering a different room for him to play in but that’s all you need to offer to be inclusive. Being inclusive doesn’t mean that the child gets to play the instrument regardless of the impact on everyone else there.

Agree- Inclusiveness means considering everyone.

My child is hard of hearing and the background noise would mean they couldn't hear a word. A lot of older people also struggle with background noise over chatter.

Other autistic people would struggle with the sensory aspects of a guitar playing in a small room.

Autism is a red herring. The child is annoying everyone and taking over the space. The parents ought to help them understand that's inconsiderate, but they sound like they see no issue.

Auntie has every right to direct the child to another room, and ask that the guitar be left home next time as it makes it difficult to hear what people are saying. If she wants to soften then blow she should express enthusiasm for attending the next recital- (and perhaps bring the entire family to chat right through it if she wants revenge).

fitzwilliamdarcy · 07/05/2023 11:34

@SkyandSurf Agree entirely. MN loves to remind everyone to be inclusive when someone needs to make noise, but when someone’s neurodiversity means they can’t tolerate loud intrusive noise… crickets.

Confusion101 · 07/05/2023 11:40

This happens at my family events too. One (adult) family member insists on whipping out the guitar at any given moment and we all have to sit and listen. Drives me nuts and is so rude and attention seeking (in this case).

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 11:43

No, it's not ok. Why take the child to a party in the first place if they can only cope by ignoring all the actual party activities and sit strumming a guitar?

Irridescantshimmmer · 07/05/2023 11:44

Kaaplumff · 07/05/2023 09:21

I think that is quite rude actually. You go to a party to participate not to willfully do your own thing, disrupting everyone else.

A child with autism has an innability to participate with other people/kids so the guitar would have helped them cope with a party which may feel very intense for a child with autism, it may have prevented multiple meltdowns.

ReadersD1gest · 07/05/2023 11:46

gogohmm · 07/05/2023 10:24

Never turned up with an instrument but my dd would play the piano or grab any instrument she found at a party (never happened at a kids party but has at other kinds, also hotels, weddings etc) she can play most things, I'm not kidding, she's autistic. She is grade 8 on 4 and plays many others very well but I refused to pay for any more exams!

Why do you allow her to behave like this? People's weddings??
Her musical ability isn't the point Confused