Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend being weird about how I watched the coronation

163 replies

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 08:45

I’ve been feeling annoyed and confused since this happened yesterday.

I am in a ldr with my bf. We were texting on Saturday morning and he was watching the coronation. I had got it on as well, but on the iPad rather than the tv. I had things to do so it was easier to half watch bits as I could just take the iPad with me.

My son was playing on the Xbox. He’d seen a bit of what was going on when I was in the room and we had a few conversations about what was happening, so he’d taken a bit of an interest in it but generally find these occasions boring.

I told my bf I was watching on the iPad and he was shocked I wasn’t putting it on the main tv, said I was demoted to the iPad (I wasn’t I chose to watch it on there) his reaction was ‘my god, I give up’. When asked what he meant he said it was ridiculous, unpatriotic, it’s a big deal and we were both unbothered, we weren’t his type of people and said I needed to be teaching him etc.

Am I being unreasonable to think this is not a normal reaction?

OP posts:
Malificent1 · 07/05/2023 10:20

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 08:54

Thanks for the replies. I do think it is very weird and there has been things like this before where I feel he is saying how I do something is wrong. It seems particularly ridiculous as it’s usually about what I’d see about fairly trivial things.

So what are you going to do about it?

slowquickstep · 07/05/2023 10:21

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:38

@slowquickstep well at the time I put it on the iPad he was not using the tv yet.
he was on the Xbox maybe 10 mins after I’d put it on on my iPad. I was washing up in the kitchen so found it easier to watch it. I like to see bits but wouldn’t watch the whole thing religiously.

do you think your boyfriend is maybe fed up with what he sees as your child ruling the roost ? Doe he think your son gets too much say in what happens in your house ?

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/05/2023 10:22

Currently my boyfriend doesn’t have this sort of influence over our family life. I carry on doing nice things as I would. I probably just wouldn’t tell him if I thought he’d make a fuss. Which I know is an issue within itself

So you have to censor what you tell him because you're worried about what his reaction may be?

Are you planning on staying with him because you know he's not going to change don't you?

DysmalRadius · 07/05/2023 10:24

The thing is, he doesn't want to help, he wants you to do things his way. Given his strength of feeling about this complete non-event, can you imagine how he will be if he disagrees with you on somethings that's actually an important parenting challenge?!

Original poster
Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:25

@Malificent1 I’m very much reconsidering the whole thing. I think I’ll take time to think about things in terms of having a conversation with him about it but it’s not a sustainable situation and I obviously wouldn’t want to get further and further involved. Certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone who made me feel this way and wouldn’t want that to impact my son.

OP posts:
Original poster
Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:28

@DysmalRadius yes! This has been my concern. I cannot understand how anyone could get that worked up about a non event.

His argument would be that I don’t listen to him. But I do, I just don’t always agree with what he’s saying. I’m not going to go against my own thoughts just so he can say I’ve listened to him.

OP posts:
SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/05/2023 10:28

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:25

@Malificent1 I’m very much reconsidering the whole thing. I think I’ll take time to think about things in terms of having a conversation with him about it but it’s not a sustainable situation and I obviously wouldn’t want to get further and further involved. Certainly wouldn’t want to live with someone who made me feel this way and wouldn’t want that to impact my son.

If you are going to talk to him, please make sure it's somewhere neutral, like a Coffee Shop and you can easily and safely get home.

Does he have keys to your house?

Cakeoutintherain · 07/05/2023 10:31

If your DS is on his Xbox for hours on end using the tv that’s an issue, though it’s your issue and not your boyfriends as he doesn’t live there.

I do think he sounds jealous, there is a reason that most children killed by parents are killed by stepfathers or boyfriends. It’s jealousy. Take note of what @RelaxingClassics has written, all too easy to believe unfortunately.

LadyJ2023 · 07/05/2023 10:32

Huh nobody gave a stuff in our household so no issue lol

sandyhappypeople · 07/05/2023 10:33

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:13

@sandyhappypeople I see what you mean about my choice of wording there. I just meant I had wanted to watch it on the tv then that’s what would have happened.

I didn’t feel particularly strongly about watching the coronation. I like to see bits. Quite like to see what everyone is wearing etc. I was moving about the house so the iPad seemed like a better option.

That’s fair enough, I just used that as an example as he may be picking up on that wording etc. but as far as the coronation goes I didn’t even watch it! And I wouldn’t expect my partner to think badly of me for it.

I think it’s easy for people to say leave him, and in reality it’s always a lot harder than that, while he’s at arms length it’s easy to keep the negative side of the relationship at bay, and overlook certain questionable behaviours, but it IS there, and it WILL wear you down over time, until you’re regulating/censoring everything to suit him.

just remember that is not how it should be, You deserve to be happy and find someone who can slot into you & your sons life effortlessly, good luck in whatever you decide op, I wish you all the best.

SiouxsieSiouxStiletto · 07/05/2023 10:34

RelaxingClassics · 07/05/2023 10:11

Can you imagine what this would be like for your child if you ever do live together. It is extremely damaging for children to be around negative conflict and even more damaging to their self-esteem when that conflict is about them. I have worked with young men with drug addictions, mental health conditions and homelessness and a lot of them have been triggered or escalated because of a controlling or abusive male step-parent. It sounds extreme but if you grow hearing messages that your mum shouldn't love you or care for you as much as she does you start to believe it. You feel conflicted about wanting your mum to be happy but wanting this man to leave. You feel guilt about feeling this way. You become afraid of doing or saying anything wrong -like asking to watch the tv- in case it causes him to get angry with your mum. You become scared your mum will start to believe him or resent you. Ultimately the place where you used to feel safe and relaxed and happy becomes somewhere you are in a constant state of anxiety. It is not normal to have an argument about which device you watch a TV programme on. And it is not normal for him to already resent perfectly normal things you do as a parent.

Excellent post. Please take note OP.

YouJustDoYou · 07/05/2023 10:39

Oh, life is way too short to keep people like him around, bin him OP.

spottybug · 07/05/2023 10:39

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:28

@DysmalRadius yes! This has been my concern. I cannot understand how anyone could get that worked up about a non event.

His argument would be that I don’t listen to him. But I do, I just don’t always agree with what he’s saying. I’m not going to go against my own thoughts just so he can say I’ve listened to him.

Yes! You're absolutely right there's listening to him and then there's doing exactly what he says to keep him happy. You sound like you have your head screwed on.

spottybug · 07/05/2023 10:40

Whataninsight · 07/05/2023 10:05

So your partner was cool with you suggesting that his kids spent too much time on Xbox 🤷‍♀️

Show quote history

He would be yes. As I wouldn't be phrasing it like OP's nob head hopefully ex did.

Arketaddictmum · 07/05/2023 10:42

This would be an enormous red flag for me OP!!

OMG12 · 07/05/2023 10:42

You might not be compatible. For some the tradition, ritual and pageantry of yesterday were important parts of being British and it was important for the whole family to watch the historic occasion to pass in knowledge and sense of importance of the occasion. For some it was not. It probably shows a fundamental difference in much wider views tbh.

if it wasn’t that important to you and your son fair enough. It was probably v important to your BF. Just different views. Might or might not be a deal breaker.

Dontsayyouloveme · 07/05/2023 10:42

How old is he? 94? 🙄

longwayoff · 07/05/2023 10:44

Never share a house with the oaf. He will make your sons life a misery and be jealous of him. Can you trade him for somebody nicer and not so far away?

Needapadlockonmyfridge · 07/05/2023 10:45

This is an LTB situation, i think.
At least it is LTR so probably easier to untangle than eg if you lived together.

BitOutOfPractice · 07/05/2023 10:45

My sister is being funny with me because I said I thought it was dreary. People had a very odd - imho - reaction to it. 1000 years if conditioning maybe?

MeetingPlace · 07/05/2023 10:45

As though there aren’t enough real problems in the world, this guy will invent new ones fr you guys to get worked up about. Delightful.

BonnieBobbin · 07/05/2023 10:47

It's not about the coronation. It's about you letting your DS use the TV whilst you're relegated to the ipad. Your bf obviously thinks you pander to your DS too much. Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. Either way, a bf creating flashpoints about your relationship with your DS when he's hundreds of miles away, is a red flag.

clpsmum · 07/05/2023 10:47

sleeplessinsouthhampton · 07/05/2023 08:48

grim

where's he get off telling you what to do in your own home

This hope he's now your e

OMG12 · 07/05/2023 10:48

Dontsayyouloveme · 07/05/2023 10:42

How old is he? 94? 🙄

What a derogatory thing to say. My DH and I are in our 40s. I would have been disappointed if my DH hadn’t wanted to sit and watch it. My 10 year old say and watched it and was adamant he didn’t want to go to his clubs because he said it was so important. He read along with it and we discussed the rituals. Many people of different ages like the Royals, did you see the diversity in the packed crowds on the mall?

Sisisimone · 07/05/2023 10:51

Why do people put up with awful men? I just don't get it. It's clear just from that one conversation that he is a complete and utter arsehole. I'd bet my house that it's not an isolated example of his twatishness. Why put up with idiots like this? And how can you stop yourself from just telling them to fuck off when they spout such drivel.