Page 5 | Boyfriend being weird about how I watched the coronation

Annoyedandconfused8 · 2023-05-07T07:45:21+00:00

I’ve been feeling annoyed and confused since this happened yesterday. I am in a ldr with my bf. We were texting on Saturday morning and he was watching the coronation. I had got it on as well, but on the iPad rather than the tv. I had things to do so it was easier to half watch bits as I could just take the iPad with me. My son was playing on the Xbox. He’d seen a bit of what was going on when I was in the room and we had a few conversations about what was happening, so he’d taken a bit of an interest in it but generally find these occasions boring. I told my bf I was watching on the iPad and he was shocked I wasn’t putting it on the main tv, said I was demoted to the iPad (I wasn’t I chose to watch it on there) his reaction was ‘my god, I give up’. When asked what he meant he said it was ridiculous, unpatriotic, it’s a big deal and we were both unbothered, we weren’t his type of people and said I needed to be teaching him etc. Am I being unreasonable to think this is not a normal reaction?

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 09:53

He's swinging his dick around in your house OP. LDR - long distance relationship ?

Yeah they aren't great at the best of times.

Original poster

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:54

@ShowUs I think both maybe. He gets very defensive about the royal family and sees this sort of thing as something he’ll sit and watch.

He’s mentioned my parenting before. I am by no means a perfect parent. Being a single parent I’m obviously used to doing things my way. That’s not to say I’m not open to other ideas of how to do things.

it has felt before that I can’t do nice things. For example if I cook my son something he likes for dinner, I have before received responses like why are you going out specially for that ingredient. I think people do nice treats for their kids and this is normal.

OP posts:

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 07/05/2023 09:54

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:39

@Vroomfondleswaistcoat he’s 13

Then your boyfriend has 'issues'. To be honest, it's your house, your TV and your son, whatever age he is, and your 'boyfriend' has absolutely no place telling you what 'should' be happening.

Lillygolightly · 07/05/2023 09:54

I think my response to him would be along the lines of:

With the greatest respect do fuck off dear, neither the coronation nor I were relegated to the iPad, it was my choice to watch it there as it was convenient…how very unpatriotic of me! you having any opinion on the matter just makes you come across as both pompous and judgemental and therefore I have concluded that indeed you are correct you are not our type of people!

spottybug · 07/05/2023 09:55

So say I had concerns over their xbox usage I'd say something like "I struggled with xbox addiction when I was younger (if I did) - do they have much time away from xbox"

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 09:56

spottybug · 07/05/2023 09:47

They weren't in my care. I was free to vacate the room at any time

Show quote history

You are talking shit woman, this is completely unrelated to the conversation in hand.

spottybug · 07/05/2023 09:56

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:54

@ShowUs I think both maybe. He gets very defensive about the royal family and sees this sort of thing as something he’ll sit and watch.

He’s mentioned my parenting before. I am by no means a perfect parent. Being a single parent I’m obviously used to doing things my way. That’s not to say I’m not open to other ideas of how to do things.

it has felt before that I can’t do nice things. For example if I cook my son something he likes for dinner, I have before received responses like why are you going out specially for that ingredient. I think people do nice treats for their kids and this is normal.

This is a perfect example of him being an arse and quite frankly I wouldn't trust him near my child

Whataninsight · 07/05/2023 09:56

Op

how see him at best once a month - seriously, most of intervention is virtual. Just wind it down.

does he have children? And has he ever met your son?

spottybug · 07/05/2023 09:57

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 09:56

You are talking shit woman, this is completely unrelated to the conversation in hand.

Show quote history

It is related to this"

No man will ever comment on how I parent MY child and how we do things in our own house

Shelaydownunderthetable · 07/05/2023 09:58

Ew. Bin him now.

RelaxingClassics · 07/05/2023 09:58

Please don't bring this man into your child's life.

Original poster

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:59

@Whataninsight he has met him. We were friends prior to a relationship. He doesn’t see him very often. I have kept things quite separate mostly. When we have done things together it’s not been this way. He has done nice things for my son and taken care and interest in a medical condition that he has.

OP posts:

Seeingadistance · 07/05/2023 09:59

My first thought was ditch and run, but fortunately the LDR means you don’t need to run.

Just ditch. Weird, controlling and petulant. No one needs that in their life.

MeinKraft · 07/05/2023 10:02

Please never in a million years move this man in with your son. Because there will immediately be comments like 'he can't be allowed to rule the roost, there's going to be changes around here' etc, he'll try to assert his dominance over your son who will grow to resent you if you don't kick the fucker straight out again which is easier said than done.

whumpthereitis · 07/05/2023 10:02

Do yourself a favour.

Seas164 · 07/05/2023 10:03

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:54

@ShowUs I think both maybe. He gets very defensive about the royal family and sees this sort of thing as something he’ll sit and watch.

He’s mentioned my parenting before. I am by no means a perfect parent. Being a single parent I’m obviously used to doing things my way. That’s not to say I’m not open to other ideas of how to do things.

it has felt before that I can’t do nice things. For example if I cook my son something he likes for dinner, I have before received responses like why are you going out specially for that ingredient. I think people do nice treats for their kids and this is normal.

He's massively controlling.

It doesn't matter why he does it, or even really if it's normal. Stop trying to work that out, and ask yourself how it feels. Does it feel ok to you?

No?

Then there's your answer. It only needs to feel ok to you.

Just because he sometimes does nice things for your child and takes an interest in his medical condition, doesn't mean that offsets all the other weird bullshit stuff that destabilises you and makes you question your reality.

That's what you need to pay attention to. You know the answer.

Whataninsight · 07/05/2023 10:05

spottybug · 07/05/2023 09:57

It is related to this"

No man will ever comment on how I parent MY child and how we do things in our own house

Show quote history

So your partner was cool with you suggesting that his kids spent too much time on Xbox 🤷‍♀️

Whataninsight · 07/05/2023 10:06

The PP wasn’t!

sandyhappypeople · 07/05/2023 10:07

This isn’t about the coronation..

he thinks you give your son priority, or let him walk all over you, and he doesn’t like it or agree with it, I assume he isn’t a parent, and looks on the small sacrifices you make for your son (and what all parents make for their children) as “indulging” him. If this is the case then do not take this relationship any further op, he is not step father material.

I don’t think you let your son overrule you in this instance, but you partner is obviously aware of things happening.

On the other side of the coin, I do however find the phrasing of this a bit odd:

If I had insisted on watching it on tv my son would have been fine.

what I would expected you to say is if I had wanted to watch it on tv my son would be fine, you shouldn’t have to insist, so maybe he genuinely sees things happening that you just don’t see, and because he’s not there to “stand up for you” he gets frustrated. Either way, be cautious.

if it was me, I’d need to talk out his motivations for acting this way if I wanted to carry on the relationship.

3BSHKATS · 07/05/2023 10:07

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:59

@Whataninsight he has met him. We were friends prior to a relationship. He doesn’t see him very often. I have kept things quite separate mostly. When we have done things together it’s not been this way. He has done nice things for my son and taken care and interest in a medical condition that he has.

Using the kitten to get to the cat until he moves in. Tale as old as time, your son will be out the door at 16 if you allow this to progress.

RelaxingClassics · 07/05/2023 10:11

Can you imagine what this would be like for your child if you ever do live together. It is extremely damaging for children to be around negative conflict and even more damaging to their self-esteem when that conflict is about them. I have worked with young men with drug addictions, mental health conditions and homelessness and a lot of them have been triggered or escalated because of a controlling or abusive male step-parent. It sounds extreme but if you grow hearing messages that your mum shouldn't love you or care for you as much as she does you start to believe it. You feel conflicted about wanting your mum to be happy but wanting this man to leave. You feel guilt about feeling this way. You become afraid of doing or saying anything wrong -like asking to watch the tv- in case it causes him to get angry with your mum. You become scared your mum will start to believe him or resent you. Ultimately the place where you used to feel safe and relaxed and happy becomes somewhere you are in a constant state of anxiety. It is not normal to have an argument about which device you watch a TV programme on. And it is not normal for him to already resent perfectly normal things you do as a parent.

middleeasternpromise · 07/05/2023 10:12

I don't think this is about the coronation, ipads vs TVs - it sounds more like a difficulty in talking about differences and what that means for the overall relationship. If what's behind the remarks is a worry over how you would fit together if you took things in a new direction then that's the conversation that needs to happen not how you each view a state event. I wonder if the long distance relationship is playing on his mind and he thinks to progress he might be the one that needs to move given you have a child? It's a big change for both when this step is considered but very important to discuss well in advance, what each of you would worry about and how you could work with it. I would take this as a signal there needs to be some deeper talking rather than thinking it's a silly issue and avoiding it.

Original poster

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:13

@sandyhappypeople I see what you mean about my choice of wording there. I just meant I had wanted to watch it on the tv then that’s what would have happened.

I didn’t feel particularly strongly about watching the coronation. I like to see bits. Quite like to see what everyone is wearing etc. I was moving about the house so the iPad seemed like a better option.

OP posts:

Original poster

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 10:16

@RelaxingClassics that’s really sad to hear so many young people are negatively effected by their mother partner.

Currently my boyfriend doesn’t have this sort of influence over our family life. I carry on doing nice things as I would. I probably just wouldn’t tell him if I thought he’d make a fuss. Which I know is an issue within itself

OP posts:

saraandcat · 07/05/2023 10:18

Annoyedandconfused8 · 07/05/2023 09:54

@ShowUs I think both maybe. He gets very defensive about the royal family and sees this sort of thing as something he’ll sit and watch.

He’s mentioned my parenting before. I am by no means a perfect parent. Being a single parent I’m obviously used to doing things my way. That’s not to say I’m not open to other ideas of how to do things.

it has felt before that I can’t do nice things. For example if I cook my son something he likes for dinner, I have before received responses like why are you going out specially for that ingredient. I think people do nice treats for their kids and this is normal.

Along with you saying that he is making you doubt yourself, he sounds controlling and it will only get worse as the relationship continues. Does he want the lion's share of the attention and resents the attention you give your son? I'd run for the hills, he will only get worse if you stay and you end up wishing you'd left years ago. The coronation comment is made, it's also a red flag and you should listen to your instincts.