Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

But why did you feel the need to open the discussion in the first place. You choose which box to tock just as they can. Were you completing paperwork for this group at the time?

There are people who don't like the fact that Elon Musk is African American when he's an American born in South Africa.

People don't choose their sexuality or race but I think that correcting someone on their racial origin is bizarre behaviour.

I do, too, but sometimes it just triggers, and suddenly, everyone's looking at me. I don't use it as an excuse. I just tell people up front that if I'm being inappropriate to stop. My family know my condition but were the least tolerant. I was only diagnosed in my 40's.
Thank you for the solidarity. 😃

Hang on, if you’re born in Africa then you are African. They were pissy because you happen to be a white African?

Your nationality isn’t an identity like gender, it’s a fact and fixed like a person’s sexuality. You can’t choose to identify as having been born somewhere else. What a weird thing.

I agree with this. I think the group is the unreasonable one in this scenario. I’m sorry you had that experience OP. Can you find another group? One that’s more friendly and welcoming?

I would say that from what you have said, they are in the wrong.
You were born in Africa, you are African, you are mixed-race. You can put African on the form.

You might have made a mistake saying that as people can "choose" their pronouns, gender and sexuality (the latter of which we can't choose) why couldn't you put African? They might have interpreted that to mean you think you can choose to be African, or choose to be of a particular race, which we can't choose to do.
I'm trying to say, maybe because you used the word "choose" in that context, they decided you weren't really African, because you don't look black, when you are in fact African and mixed race.

From your telling of the situation it doesn't sound as it you were being inappropriate at all. Although I know we can't, it would be interesting to hear their side to see what they and the rest of the group took issue with.

Do you think they were perhaps struggling with your ND in general and using this as a way to oust you?

That also happened, yes.

You can be born in Africa without being African

Did you ever qualify for a passport from an African country?

What you said has nothing to do with ADHD though, you have returned with an explanation of being African. How does this have anything to do with ADHD? If you are African you are African, why would this mean you are asked to leave a group?

I haven't vanished, I'm still here answering questions.

I'm sorry for not answering sooner, I've been out.

It's a spectrum. We're not the same. Welcome to the dark side.

I think you were right, the leader was wrong. You probably shouldn't have conflated it with the whole trans/gender identity issue though. You're not identifying as African if you were born in Africa - you ARE African (as well as possibly having other identities too).

Thanks for coming back OP.

Also if you were born in Africa you are African whatever your ancestry is, the ones at the group calling you racist are wrong.

Just forget them.

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You weren't in the wrong here. You're best out of an ignorant group like that. Hope you find another one soon!

As you say, I got it wrong in several ways, and trying to explain it always makes it worse.

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It depends what the question on the form is. If it's about race, then 'African' would not include the white population as they are descendants from settlers from other countries (eg England, Holland etc). If it's nationality then of course if born in South Africa, that would be nationality, but not race.

As you are of mixed race OP, does that include black African?

ADHD seems to be a constant on MN lately. I’ve seen a lot of Tik Tok/Instagram content saying “if you do this you may have ADHD” and people are thinking it’s a diagnosis.

To everyone who knows someone with ADHD, we're not all the same. People with physical disabilities, like me, may need a wheelchair for different reasons. We're not all the same either.

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