Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

That doesn't answer how a book club is work and why you'd need to fill in an ethnicity form to go to a book club.

Can you answer what I actually asked?

She won’t say.

I think OP was just talking about the form she'd had to do at work, while at the book club. Quite why you'd choose to discuss it as an introductory topic I'm not sure, but I think that's the answer.

Have to say though, I also think OP is being deliberately evasive with the intent of being provocative on this thread!

I'd like to and thought that I had. Please, can you rephrase it, I'm not sure what you're asking?.

1. Do they actually need to say the word 'stop' for you to stop?

1. Would them saying stop mean you would not need clarification of the issue?

But the form didn’t ask your nationality it asked your race. The box is “black African”, if you are not black that is not the box for you

Not in that specific situation, but you have said it applies to all situations.

I honestly don't think you said anything wrong. I know a family who moved from Africa to the uk. They said they are African because they were born there, even though they're white. Of course they can identify as their born nationality.

@Beautiful3 Of course they can identify as their born nationality.

Nationality is not ethnicity though.

I did ask the group leader, but she said that it was her final decision, I was not welcome back.

OP based on what you've said here, you were not unreasonable.

I'm surprised that anyone would query someone's ethnicity. If OP is African but isn't allowed to say she's African because she's not brown enough(?!), what the fuck is she supposed to tick.

Maybe this establishment needs to improve its form if it doesn't like the answers it generates. Bizarre.

The form asked about race.
Also “African” isn’t actually a nationality it’s a continent.
The context here is colonialism. What OP said was not ok.

If OP is African but isn't allowed to say she's African because she's not brown enough(?!), what the fuck is she supposed to tick

she’s not allowed to say she’s “black African” because she’s not.
If she’s white, she ticks the “white other” box, if she’s Asian, there are various options. It’s quite simple.

You shared that at a book club meeting - why? Was it relevant to the text? Was it your self description or reaction to their challenge that was deemed racist?

There’s nothing about being mixed race that is simple.

The whole story doesn’t fit together and I suspect the whole thing is bollocks.

But to take it at face value - if OP is mixed race with one black African parent and one white Caucasian parent for example, if there’s no mixed race option, she’s not obliged to put white other or black other, she can describe as black African if she wants. I’m not really sure she’s obliged to select mixed race even if it’s available.

A friend of mine is mixed race - white British father, Ethiopian mother - but she looks 100% black. No-one would argue with her describing herself as racially black. But her sister is looks 100% Caucasian. People would definitely argue with her calling herself racially African. Just as Meghan M got it in the neck for not being black enough.

Did you bother to read the rest of my post?

The OP attacked a number of different people. They attacked them because of their gender and their sexuality and, seemingly, because of their race too.

If the OP hadn't made inflammatory comments about multiple groups of people, it wouldn't have made the people present jump so quickly to the conclusion of "must be a massive racist."

There can be a difference between nationality and ethnicity. Having made such hateful comments, the group weren't inclined to give the OP the benefit of the doubt in understanding the difference.

The OP then made matters worse by stating that someone born in the UK must be British. It's a weird thing for someone of mixed heritage to say because they should get that country of birth isn't always an indicator of your nationality or your ethnicity.

Incidentally, the OP also ticked the wrong box. There's always a mixed - other. The OP chose to ignore it and tick Black African. Those boxes are always asking for your actual ethnicity, not what part of your heritage you identify most with. It's a factual question, not a question of gut, which can give a third different answer.

I don't think ADHD has cost the OP the spot in the group. It's the hateful comments about different minorities.

If your parents are Black African, but because of some quirk of genetics, you look pale-skinned, you tick Black African.

If one parent is Black African and one is White, you tick Mixed - Black African and White.

If both parents have multiple different ethnic backgrounds, you tick Mixed - Other.

It's not that hard.

You don't tick based on the colour of your skin or what you look like - you tick based on your actual ethnicity.

Country of birth <-- cannot change, factual
Where you grew up <-- cannot change, factual
Citizenship (passport) <-- can change, factual
Ethnicity <-- cannot change, factual
Racial identity <-- can change, emotional
Cultural identity <-- can change, emotional

The above are not all necessarily the same.

She’s said she is mixed race:
“Kenyan, Zimbabwean, and Dutch with a natural tan”
I suspect OPs communication is hampered by her diagnosed condition, which she has been clear about. It’s literally the point of her thread. OP is unhappy at being labelled racist. Maybe contributors to the thread should attempt to not be ableist .

Did OP say she was mixed race?

Below are the ethnicity categories that all companies tend to use -
same as on census.

There are lots of categories for mixed groups, including a mixed white and black African option.

And Yes, if OP is black African and white mixed I don’t think there’s any issue with her defining as black at all. But she said she wasn’t black..

• *Asian or Asian British
• india
• Pakistani
• Bangladeshi
• Chinese
• Any other Asian background

Black, Black British, Caribbean or African

• Caribbean
• African
• Any other Black, Black British, or Caribbean background

• Mixed or multiple ethnic groups
• white and Black Caribbean
• White and Black African
• White and Asian
• Any other Mixed or multiple ethnic background
• White
• English, Welsh, Scottish, Northern Irish or British
• Irish
• Gypsy or Irish Traveller
• Roma

Any other White background

• Other ethnic groupArab
• Any other ethnic group

I don't understand why the op told people that they could choose their sexuality.

That doesn't necessarily mean mixed-race indigenous Kenyan / Zimbabwean. Could be white, Asian, etc.

My father was Moroccan, an ethnic Berber. I have a "natural tan", as in, olive skin. I would not identify myself on a form as "Black African" because I'm not. That's not to say I'm denying the fact that my father came from Africa-the-continent.

Yeah, I’ve never had to fill out a form detailing ethnicity so it’s really helpful you’re the second poster to post the same form.

No, and doesn't acknowledge that this might have offended people.

I also don't understand why you'd start talking about some form you had to fill in at work at a book club! What book was being discussed? Equity and Diversity for Dummies?