Told to leave a group.

[MobilityCat]

I got into trouble at a meeting of people with a common interest. In the beginning, I explained that I had ADHD and asked that if I said anything inappropriate, please tell me, and I'll apologise and stop.
Guess what happened?. I did say something, and instead of telling me to stop, someone challenged my statement, and it went downhill after that.
A lady sitting next to me said that she also had ADHD, but that I should have recognised a line that I should not have crossed.
I told her that I didn't have that ability, I only knew if I got it wrong by the reaction it produced, good or bad.
She told me that wasn't true. She was also prone to inappropriate speech and behaviour but knew what boundaries she shouldn't cross.
Anyway, I was banned from the group, which was hurtful but not unusual. ADHD has cost me friends, jobs, and strained family relationships all my life.

It is really not clear to me whether OP is talking about a job, a book club, or what.

It does sound like she turned up at her first meeting and started banging on about transracialism (for whatever convoluted reason), and then doubled down when people pointed out that transracialism is not a thing, beyond being a straw man for transphobes.

She is clearly white - if she was remotely multiracial, she would not have been accused of being racist for identifying as black, and then equating that to being trans.

This reminds me of a thing in the papers a while back where a 'white' child in America was expelled for applying to be 'African American of the year' as the school classed his participation as 'racist' as he was 'taking opportunities from black people'.

The boy successfully argued the case that as an African born immigrant to America, who spent 6 years in Africa and 6 years in America, he was in fact the ONLY actual African person in the school and best suited to represent a African-American. The school ended up getting torn a new one for being the racist ones having excluding him based on his skin colour.

Africans can be 'white', I'm not African myself (I am British) but I do have Africian heritage and family on my dads side. While some of my actual African born and raised family are darker skinned the majority (over half) are very 'white' (think like Freddy Mercury).

None of this makes sense unless the group you were in was to discuss racial issues.

I wonder if there's a bit more than just ADHD going on here. Could it be more about your 'style' of debate? Do you come across as aggressive. I'm quite loud and get a bit 'staccato' when irritated particular when someone misinterprets what I've said and then tells me what I think!
For what it's worth I actually think you're correct. If the form asks how you identify and you've chosen African (with a valid logical reason) that's fine. You don't need to be black to be African, however if the question asked your ethnicity unless you are a miraculous throw back I'd say if you're white you're not African. None of what you've said is racist. If you identify as African its quite insulting fir someone to imply either you're stupid or a liar.
I'm suspecting though that the content of the discussion wasn't the only reason you've been asked to leave the group.

I learned at school (back in the day) there are three races only. There are many more ethnicities and nationalities than that and people sometimes confuse/conflate all of these.

Anyway OP find another group; you did not say anything wrong. My nephews are Australian born and Irish on their father's side; so their race is Caucasian, there Ethnicity is Irish and English (their Mum's side) and their nationality is Australian.

That doesn't sound inappropriate. It sounds more like some of the group were ignorant/racist.

It was my first meeting with them, and they had been running the group for some time.

No, I'm just an obsessive compulsive bitch.

I can't answer everybody properly ,so I copied and pasted. As I said, it goes wrong when I try to explain.

Thank you for clarifying, I am swamped with the answers.

I can't answer everybody properly ,so I copied and pasted. As I said, it goes wrong when I try to explain.

Oh come in OP. The question was is it a job or not. Hardly difficult to respond, but you chose to direct me to the OP which didn't explain.

OP, this was the controversial statement: "I simply said to the group that if people could choose their pronouns, gender and sensuality, why can't I be African."

Sexuality isn't a choice. People are born with a particular sexual orientation - the only choice is whether they act on it. For example, no one chooses to be straight. They either are or they aren't.

Mentioning pronouns and gender in the same sentence again implies that it's a choice or a fad. It belittles trans people.

Having said all that, you then suggested anyone could choose to identify with any race. Like it's that easy. Again, dismissing genetics.

You wouldn't have had the same reaction if, instead of all that, you had said: "I'm mixed race, but the part of my background I identify with the most is being African. I grew up in Africa and my relatives on on my grandfather's side are all African. I always find these forms difficult to complete, as none of the boxes really feel right to me."

Op. You can't choose your sexuality. It's a part of you

Can you see that?

And can you then understand that what you said about choosing sexuality is offensive?

That's the exact situation and my issue with the form. I didn't expect the outcome given the context.

OP

You were born in Africa and are of mixed race (and if narrowed down further mixed ethnicity and have the nationality of which part of Africa you are from.

So you are African

I was born in Ireland so I am European

The group are being ridiculous

Was this discussion important in the context of the group ie funded to support those of specific ethnicities?

Having a ‘natural tan’ 🙄doesn’t answer the question around your ethnicity and you know it.

It’s clear that you’re white and are trying to gaslight/word salad people for whatever reason.

When called out you play victim. Nice try. I’m happy you were kicked out of the group - I have a feeling there’s a lot more you have ‘forgotten’ to share.

Yeah, I mentioned that but OP has not responded.

That's not saying something impulsively inappropriate, it's being deliberately provocative for the sake of it. And I suspect that's why the group took issue. I also suspect that they didn't just say, "you're racist, we're kicking you out."

Natural tan?? What does that even mean? Many people have asked if you are black mixed race and you still haven't answered. Are either of your parents black? 15 pages in and it's still not clear if OP has a black parent or not.

I can't see that you did anything wrong. What a horrible experience for you.

As a mixed race person from a poor country who is usually interpreted as "white" but also grew up poor, I completely sympathize with you. What you are dealing with here is a combination of a word being used with two different meanings, and virtue signaling. You are literally African, as you were born in a country in Africa. So you are correct. However, "socially" (i.e. from a virtue-signaling POV) the word "African" on the form is probably meant to be interpreted as "black."

Now, maybe, racially (since you say you are mixed-race) you are indeed partially "black," and, technically, you are allowed to identify yourself as "black" if you have such heritage in your recent racial background. So you are still correct. However many white people (that is to say, people with no identifiable black ancestors in their recorded family history), feel that if they "read" you as white (i.e. if they, on the basis of no information but what they perceive in a conversation with you, ASSUME that you have no black ancestors), then you have no right to identify yourself as black. This is because they believe that such a practice is anti-racist. (You and I could have a whole private conversation about the implicit racism of white people telling mixed-race people how we have a right to identify, but you can't talk about it in public.)

So what has happened to you is that you intended your interactions with this group to occur on the basis of factual information and they instead interpreted your interactions based on social information.

My basic point is that this isn't really about ADHD. This is about other people virtue signaling at your expense even though you are the one in the right. (Essentially, it's about a microaggression.) It's possible that your ADHD makes you less willing/able to accept this sort of thing silently because your emotional lability is a bit higher. But you aren't wrong. What you are, however, is excluded from the group, which is not the outcome you wanted. So, going forward, what you need to do is decide whether being included in groups is worth keeping silent when you encounter these sorts of situations, or if there is a way to handle these situations that nets you the outcome you want (being in the group).

Sorry that it's so frustrating. It's not fair but sometimes you have do illogical things so that you can focus on doing what helps you thrive.

Ok good you're human.Just didn't want to be talking to a none human

@aloris all of that notwithstanding the op still told people they can choose their sexuality. And that's just not true.