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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want them to move in next door

157 replies

frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:13

Our next door neighbours' house has just gone on the market, and DH's sibling and partner want to buy it. Are DH and I unreasonable for not wanting this to happen?

We get on with the sibling perfectly fine but his sibling is super close to DH's parents, and there are a few boundary issues there. We've worked quite hard to set up some boundaries of our own after tensions years ago, and part of what helps is us all not living in each others' pockets.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way. But I'm not sure it's as simple as that - for years they've been saying it's not "fair" that (at that time) we could afford to live on this road and they couldn't, whilst turning down similar options nearby.

Is there anything we can reasonably do? We're expecting our first DC later this year which is probably reinforcing feelings of wanting our own space. Thanks for any thoughts.

OP posts:
coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 06/05/2023 07:15

I mean, if the house is on the market, of course they can buy it if they want to Confused

Doidontimmm · 06/05/2023 07:15

I don’t think there is anything you can do. You can stop them buying a house.

Doidontimmm · 06/05/2023 07:15
  • can’t
Sparklfairy · 06/05/2023 07:15

Sadly the only option is for you to move!

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/05/2023 07:19

Offer the owner money to not sell it to them.

SecretVictoria · 06/05/2023 07:20

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/05/2023 07:19

Offer the owner money to not sell it to them.

🤣🤣🤣

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 06/05/2023 07:26

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/05/2023 07:19

Offer the owner money to not sell it to them.

I came on to say this

Are you in a position to make up the difference if they are the highest offer, so your neighbours could go with the second bidder without losing out?

Original poster
frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:27

Thanks, all. I hesitated a bit over the word "do" - we can't realistically stop them!

OP posts:
blobby10 · 06/05/2023 07:32

This happened to me - It ruined the sibling relationship for a long time and caused so much heartache to our parents. We moved house to get away from the situation but this started a whole other cycle of misery particularly when sibling also moved out of the 'dispute' house a year after us and ended up in their dream home.

You are definitely NOT being unreasonable but no, there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Original poster
frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:35

@snitzelvoncrumb and @RosettaTheGardenFairy - that is interesting (and somehow tempting). But I don't think we can interfere that directly. I guess I'm wondering whether our position is reasonable enough that we can put it to DH's sibling and partner in a way they'll understand. Maybe if we offer them the money...

OP posts:
Catlord · 06/05/2023 07:36

I suppose all you can do is not be enthusiastic about it at all if they mention it to you.

Do you know the neighbours well? Obviously it's business for them but if they don't know how things are then they might give your in laws first dibs if they've mentioned who they are and they get a good offer.

You could possibly have a quiet word saying 'not to make things awkward,obviously we expect you to go with the best offer, but we've had to try quite hard to establish a bit of space over the years so if there's another equivalent buyer and it doesn't put you out then y'know. Could you consider going with them? Obv your decision but if it's the same to you anyway it might make our lives easier. If not, you don't have to justify yourselves to us'. Could be worth mentioning as it sounds like they'll have a lot of interest so if they get 2 or more good offers they might choose on the basis of them being family with you. Depends how well you know the neighbours.

edenhills · 06/05/2023 07:36

Dh needs to have a chat with his sibling and be honest.

Theunamedcat · 06/05/2023 07:37

Tell them you will be selling up soon anyway and they can buy your house?

RosettaTheGardenFairy · 06/05/2023 07:42

If you can't go the money route, I would definitely say something. I would be honest about it being too close.

We don't live in the UK. DH brother considered moving to the same country as us a few years ago and we went into full panic mode - we knew if he moved here MiL wouldn't be far behind and that could not happen!

DH approached it jokingly and just warned him 'don't you dare, find your own bloody country'. It worked as they didn't move here. Shame as we adore them and could have happily lived near them, but the looming threat of MiL was just not worth the risk.

greengrassornot · 06/05/2023 07:42

Catlord · 06/05/2023 07:36

I suppose all you can do is not be enthusiastic about it at all if they mention it to you.

Do you know the neighbours well? Obviously it's business for them but if they don't know how things are then they might give your in laws first dibs if they've mentioned who they are and they get a good offer.

You could possibly have a quiet word saying 'not to make things awkward,obviously we expect you to go with the best offer, but we've had to try quite hard to establish a bit of space over the years so if there's another equivalent buyer and it doesn't put you out then y'know. Could you consider going with them? Obv your decision but if it's the same to you anyway it might make our lives easier. If not, you don't have to justify yourselves to us'. Could be worth mentioning as it sounds like they'll have a lot of interest so if they get 2 or more good offers they might choose on the basis of them being family with you. Depends how well you know the neighbours.

I like this approach.

Original poster
frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:42

@blobby10 - I'm really sorry to hear that. I hope things have worked out for you now and you're happy in your home.

@Catlord - good point - DH said something similar. We get on well so can at least make it clear they should of course just go with the highest offer!

OP posts:
PollyPut · 06/05/2023 08:01

Have you considered that if the ILs visit then they will be staying at the siblings house? This gives you a bit more space when they visit.

Original poster
frangipandas · 06/05/2023 08:08

@PollyPut unfortunately the ILs live very nearby so won't need to stay. This is one of our main concerns - they'll be popping by all the time.

OP posts:
cptartapp · 06/05/2023 08:16

SIL live next door to PIL. PIL have encroached on every aspect of their lives. The now teen GC are sick of it. Certainly no special bond there. Being 'super close' for them has backfired massively.
We could never go and see SIL and DC alone without PIL muscling in on the act. Never a chance to spend time together as young couples without pensioners there too, completely changing the dynamic.
SIL is now petrified of as they age and lots will be expected when one is left alone.
I wouldn't like this too OP. All living so close together. Expecting one big gathering at every opportunity.

Turnthelightoff · 06/05/2023 08:46

I’d speak to your neighbours and make it clear that if your in laws are interested but you’re really not sure how you feel. Maybe the neighbours might let you know if they are front runners and then you might also get a feel for who their rivals are and who else could be your potential neighbours. In laws might seem preferable to couple with 5 large and loud dogs for example!

TellHimDirectlyInDetail · 06/05/2023 08:53

Tell DH's sibling you don't think it would be a good idea and explain politely why. You're adults I'm sure you can get over the difficulty in having a conversation like that. It might hurt them at first but they will probably come round to your reasons.

Eggseggseverywhere · 06/05/2023 08:58

Let slip to ndn you know of a couple who spend hours viewing houses with no intention of buying.. Drop sil's name into the conversation.. Hopefully she will refuse them a viewing! Failing that 6 foot fence. Ring doorbell. And be less available for guests. Big ddog? Snake? Take up naked yoga(with dh)

DancinOnTheCeiling · 06/05/2023 09:03

Could DH have an honest conversation with his sibling? You say you had a tricky situation with ILs a few years ago and had to be stricter on your boundaries; does DH sibling know about this? In which case could DH say he'd love sibling and family to live next door but the fact it'd mean ILs would be around all the time would be very tricky for you and DH, given the tricky situation a few years ago. Would DH sibling not understand this (given you're not snubbing them but the ILs)?

TomeTome · 06/05/2023 09:07

I think it would be awful of you to approach the neighbours and try to stop the sale! Honestly buying a house is a huge financial commitment and you would be wicked to mess with your ILs lives like that. It’s infuriating but you don’t get to choose for others and don’t own the street.
you could say you feel a bit worried and freaked out by the idea but beyond that you deal with the environment you are presented with not change others to suit you.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 06/05/2023 09:24

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often

Hopefully it'll generate a lot of interest and your In-Laws won't get a look in !

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