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Original poster

To not want them to move in next door

157 replies

frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:13

Our next door neighbours' house has just gone on the market, and DH's sibling and partner want to buy it. Are DH and I unreasonable for not wanting this to happen?

We get on with the sibling perfectly fine but his sibling is super close to DH's parents, and there are a few boundary issues there. We've worked quite hard to set up some boundaries of our own after tensions years ago, and part of what helps is us all not living in each others' pockets.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way. But I'm not sure it's as simple as that - for years they've been saying it's not "fair" that (at that time) we could afford to live on this road and they couldn't, whilst turning down similar options nearby.

Is there anything we can reasonably do? We're expecting our first DC later this year which is probably reinforcing feelings of wanting our own space. Thanks for any thoughts.

OP posts:
JudgeRudy · 07/05/2023 20:53

Tricky one. I'd start off by making a few light hearted remarks followed later by " no seriously, joking aside..."

So 'joke' that when neighbours put their house on the market you started thinking about moving yourself. Now you know ILs after the house (ha ha) you'll have to hurry up and move because it'd be a nightmare living next door

"No seriously, you hear these stories all the time. Family falling out because they're just too close..."

Present it as if everyone knows that - l mean they do. I'd hate to live next door to my family/friends.

You could also try to convince them that it's overpriced. What you can't do is stop them.

walkingismedicine · 07/05/2023 21:02

The fact so many people seem to hate their families makes this such a sad thread

Motherofalittledragon · 07/05/2023 21:25

Unfortunately you can't stop them, i certainly wouldn't want to live next door to my brother and sil though.

stacyvaron · 07/05/2023 21:34

You could mention to the current owners that you really hope that they don't sell to them.

mnahmnah · 07/05/2023 21:41

@walkingismedicine

I wouldn’t want to live next door to my family members, even though I love them and we get on well. It’s just about privacy, personal space, boundaries etc

KTMeetsTheRsUptown · 07/05/2023 22:21

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/05/2023 07:19

Offer the owner money to not sell it to them.

This

kethuphouse · 07/05/2023 22:22

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/05/2023 07:19

Offer the owner money to not sell it to them.

If you can afford it, I would definitely do this.

kethuphouse · 07/05/2023 22:24

walkingismedicine · 07/05/2023 21:02

The fact so many people seem to hate their families makes this such a sad thread

It's not hatred of families, it's a need for boundaries. Having boundaries is a healthy, mature way to enjoy relationships with family.

Truestorypeeps · 07/05/2023 22:26

You best get moving yourselves if they manage to buy it! 😆

S72 · 07/05/2023 22:35

Let them know how thin the walls are and that it could be awkward with the sound of certain bedtime activities LOL

Mamanyt · 07/05/2023 23:51

The only thing you can reasonably, and legally, do, is to tell them that you are happy for them, and then set out some hard and fast ground rules about contact once they do move in. Personally, I'd do that soon enough that they can back out of buying the house once they realize that your house is NOT going to be Extended Family Central.

MadisonR · 08/05/2023 05:49

You can love your family but not want them next door!.

It would probably end up with trouble. Some family members lived on the same street, had a petty argument and ended up not speaking for 20 years.

Kitkatcatflap · 08/05/2023 06:07

Are you sure you are not being a bit precious? Do they REALLY want to move next door to you or do they actually want to live on a desirable and popular road. Given her 'its not fair you get to live on that road' comment, I would say it's the latter.

As you are about to have a baby, not only will your hands be full but you will be able to dictate - 'baby needs feeding, changing, a nap' schedule/excuse.

YukoandHiro · 08/05/2023 06:16

You could hint to your next door neighbour that you don't think their mortgage application will stack up - however that's a cruel thing to do.

Or you could prepare to move citing the need for more space post baby and maybe school catchments.

That's it really

SoreThroatAgain · 08/05/2023 06:20

Don’t say anything to your in-laws. Friends did this to other friends who wanted to move to their road and it damaged a lifetime friendship forever.

I think it’s likely your neighbours will approach you anyway if your in-laws make an offer, saying what do you think? Then you can be as honest as you want.

Stripedbag101 · 08/05/2023 06:28

I wouldn’t approach my neighbours if their in-laws bid on my house! I thinks it’s unlikely I would know.

surely viewings are generally conducted by the estate agent? You would have to pay special attention to surnames of bids, knows the full name of the in-laws and make the link. I didn’t know the surname of the couple who bought my house until i had accepted the offer - because I didn’t care.

I would not approach neighbours if I suspected a family link.

SoreThroatAgain · 08/05/2023 06:45

If you are friendly with your neighbours, your silence about your in-laws’ offer will speak volumes..

Anywy don’t worry too much yet. So many obstacles to them moving in yet; buying property in England is riddled with problems and ways for things to fall through.

user1492757084 · 08/05/2023 07:18

You can't say anything without risking the relationship.
It's not worth it.
Just stay your ground if they do move next door.
Your parents IL are getting older and surely now they know your boundaries. Reinforce them when you need to.

The boundaries don't have to be the same at both houses, though they might be next door to one another.

Long term there could be delightful benefits - with both of the brothers respecting space but with little cousins having secret doors in the fence and you both having trusted babysitters for occasional freedoms.

Macinae · 08/05/2023 10:31

Nevermind31 · 06/05/2023 09:51

I don’t think you can do anything other than move. If this is the road they want to be on, they won’t care very much about your feelings and your issues with pil. They will see it as giving up their dream location because you don’t get on with pil.
i also think it could backfire massively if you are trying to do something behind the scenes… as in, you manipulated us out of a house.
so, wait and see if they get it, if they do, put boundaries in place… no constant popping over, on way out of pil pop round etc.
and if nothing works, move yourself

I agree @Nevermind31

I think it's unfair to expect someone to give up their dream house because of your own issues with PIL. That's a huge ask. If they do get the house, you'll have to outline your boundaries with the family.

joycies · 08/05/2023 16:07

Not knowing how well you know your owner, I think you should definitely tell him about your predicament. If not, he might think selling to them would be nice for you. Instead or ruining your lives from here on in, just tell them to look for somewhere else and why. Yours is a valid reason after all!

PeachyPeachTrees · 08/05/2023 19:42

Tell the sibling that you are planning on moving next year, say it like it's a heads up. If they do buy next door, then move as 'planned'.
Speak to your neighbours and say you don't get on with your sibling and to not do them any kind favours as that really isn't necessary!
Hopefully they won't buy it.

I love my sibling and my DHs siblings but I wouldn't live next door to them as I think it would ruin what are great relationships.

Mopbucketmoo · 08/05/2023 23:14

Tell them it's haunted

Stewball01 · 23/05/2023 14:03

@snitzelvoncrumb

I love your handle. Gave me my first laugh of the day.

YerArseInParsley · 15/11/2023 04:29

TomeTome · 06/05/2023 09:07

I think it would be awful of you to approach the neighbours and try to stop the sale! Honestly buying a house is a huge financial commitment and you would be wicked to mess with your ILs lives like that. It’s infuriating but you don’t get to choose for others and don’t own the street.
you could say you feel a bit worried and freaked out by the idea but beyond that you deal with the environment you are presented with not change others to suit you.

I agree and people saying talk to the SIL and talk her round to your way of thinking, tell her it won't be good her moving into the street. I know where I'd tell my SIL to go if she tried to talk me out of buying a house cause she doesn't want me in the street.

If thinks are really that bad then op needs to set ground rules from the get go, we don't accept unannounced visitors, call ahead etc

ThrowMeABonio · 21/02/2024 23:22

@frangipandas was curious what happened in the end? I hope it worked out for you!