To not want them to move in next door

[frangipandas]

Our next door neighbours' house has just gone on the market, and DH's sibling and partner want to buy it. Are DH and I unreasonable for not wanting this to happen?

We get on with the sibling perfectly fine but his sibling is super close to DH's parents, and there are a few boundary issues there. We've worked quite hard to set up some boundaries of our own after tensions years ago, and part of what helps is us all not living in each others' pockets.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way. But I'm not sure it's as simple as that - for years they've been saying it's not "fair" that (at that time) we could afford to live on this road and they couldn't, whilst turning down similar options nearby.

Is there anything we can reasonably do? We're expecting our first DC later this year which is probably reinforcing feelings of wanting our own space. Thanks for any thoughts.

I'd treat it lightheartedly but being clear you don't like it.

• you're looking at the house next door to us!! That's a bit too close, we'll have to put a higher fence up/get a ring door bell to stop you coming in too often/ be quieter, whatever might put them off

I'd also mention it to the neighbours negatively

You've no idea how they'll ever sell that house, I mean once the subsidence comes to light on the survey most buyers will run a mile....

Definitely speak to your neighbours. ILs may well use how much they want to live next door to you to try and make their offer stand out if there is a lot of interest, no harm in them knowing the feeling isn't mutual!

Very difficult. Would they accept boundaries ? We lived next door to our cousins and although close we didn't even see them weekly never mind daily. We now go out of our way to meet up as obviously child hood bond is there. We both did our thing,own parties,own bbqs etc. Sometimes together but not always by any stretch.

When my sister in law and her partner considered buying next door to us I was anxious as we have very different views and thoughts but my parents highlighted better the devil you know than the one you don't. Turned out they got out bid and the people in there now aren't nice at all,don't keep their garden,overgrows into ours,have loud parties etc.

I think this is really unfair on the neighbours.

when I sold my last house of next doors tried to influence who bought it or ask for information I would have found that controlling and wouldn’t have told them anything!

and In any the estate agent does the heavy lifting on the bidding process. I have five couples bidding on my house - I never met any of them and was only told the bids and in some cases a first name. Because I didn’t care - all i needed to know was can they afford it and are they in a chain!

I would definitely speak to my neighbour and offer them money if necessary.

Can you drop into conversation about the damp/rats/ghost in next doors house when you speak to SIL? Put her off?

If they do manage to buy it you will just have to move.

I don’t think you can do anything other than move. If this is the road they want to be on, they won’t care very much about your feelings and your issues with pil. They will see it as giving up their dream location because you don’t get on with pil.
i also think it could backfire massively if you are trying to do something behind the scenes… as in, you manipulated us out of a house.
so, wait and see if they get it, if they do, put boundaries in place… no constant popping over, on way out of pil pop round etc.
and if nothing works, move yourself

Buy it yourself

If it’s a popular street, chances are they won’t get it anyway. My mum just sold hers, had an open house day and had bids from pretty much everyone plus one lady actually called round. She went with her despite a higher offer the next day.

You can’t stop them offering but you could speak to the neighbours to say it would force you to move.

This may be a case where better the devil you know comes in.
I'd rather know my neighbours are good people than what could move in
Just keep your door locked!

One of DH's brothers moved in 3 doors down from one of DH's other brothers. SIL already in situ was aghast throughout and had similar issues with the fact that our MIL would be popping round much more frequently. She and her dp had worked really hard on appropriate boundaries and interloping BIL had not, letting MIL overstep regularly.

SIL the First is desperately home hunting to escape.

I don't think it's manipulation or bad to have a quiet word with the neighbours as long as you leave it at that.

The house isn't your ILs unless they buy it and so it's not theirs to lose. Your current house is yours and this may affect your enjoyment of it.

If you make it clear to NDN there's no big drama, you'd just be happier for personal reasons if they went with another buyer as long as it doesn't affect them then I don't see many people having a problem with at least being asked. Everyone knows families are complicated.

The suggestions of speaking with your neighbours: we would be seriously pissed off if our neighbours tried to tell us who we could sell our house to!

Just tell them that all the houses on the street have structural problems, and you will be selling up soon. They can buy your house if they want it…

If they do move next door pleasantly set your boundaries and say that you do jot want the living close together to upset your relationship.
Personally and similarly to you I don't understand wanting to live that close to your relatives.
My worst nightmare.

There is nothing you can do. They've wanted to live there a long time and it's a rare opportunity. They're very unlikely to change their plans for your convenience. With that in mind you have nothing to gain and everything to lose by asking them not to or demonstrating your lack of enthusiasm. Far better to plan for how you'll manage the boundaries with your in laws. Personally I think it will be less of an issue thst you think as we tend to live inside our houses with the doors closed, so by visiting sibling they're not visiting or seeing you. Four of my close family live in our street. Turns out it's not much different contact wise than when they lived further away.

Are they planning on having DC/have DC already? Might actually be quite nice your DC to have cousins next door? Why let the in laws ruin something that could actually turn out just fine?

But surely the neighbours will simply go with the highest differ, unless there is a chain free or cash offer.

why would the neighbours factor in someone else’s complicated family relationship? Moving house is stressful enough - it is just odd to ask a neighbour to factor this in. They won’t live there anymore - why should they go with a lower or less proceed-able
bidder just because OP doesn’t like her mother in law. Even the offers of cash to the neighbour are odd. I would feel very uncomfortable taking a bribe to screw over someone I don’t know. And it’s not legally enforceable - moving house is stressful enough without heaping this nonsense on it.

I don't think it's reasonable to put your neighbours in a difficult position or make this their problem. Selling a house is stressful enough as it is. DH needs to have an honest conversation with his sibling.

This might potentially happen to me.

I've decided that if it does, I'm going to have 'the chat' with my sibling. I mean, I know they can do what they want and it would ruin our relationship. But if I don't have the chat, our relationship will be ruined anyway.

Goodness, why on EARTH do they want to move right next door to you?

How clingy and pathetic.

Are they banging on about how nice it will be whilst you fake smile?

I’m not sure I’d risk talking to the neighbours unless you don’t mind the sibling finding out.

I think you need to be brave and have a discussion with the sibling directly.

The problem with this is that sales fall through all the time. And the seller is within their rights to accept the next highest bidder. If they stuck to this arrangement your contribution would get higher and higher as they go down the list.

You can't try and influence your neighbours. That puts them in an extremely awkward position. It seems very unfair.

I'm wondering whether our position is reasonable enough that we can put it to DH's sibling and partner in a way they'll understand. Maybe if we offer them the money...

Is this serious? You would say, "I'll pay you it to move next door to us"?

If you never want any of them to speak to you again, then this would be an ideal way to do it.

Buy the house next door or put your own house up for sale. These are the two choices that you have available to you.