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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want them to move in next door

157 replies

frangipandas · 06/05/2023 07:13

Our next door neighbours' house has just gone on the market, and DH's sibling and partner want to buy it. Are DH and I unreasonable for not wanting this to happen?

We get on with the sibling perfectly fine but his sibling is super close to DH's parents, and there are a few boundary issues there. We've worked quite hard to set up some boundaries of our own after tensions years ago, and part of what helps is us all not living in each others' pockets.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way. But I'm not sure it's as simple as that - for years they've been saying it's not "fair" that (at that time) we could afford to live on this road and they couldn't, whilst turning down similar options nearby.

Is there anything we can reasonably do? We're expecting our first DC later this year which is probably reinforcing feelings of wanting our own space. Thanks for any thoughts.

OP posts:
Whoknewiwouldlovethedog · 06/05/2023 12:31

Totally agree @5128gap

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 06/05/2023 12:32

Take up the drum kit and make sure your in-laws know you've done so.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/05/2023 12:34

If you get on well with the neighbours I'd just say "oh we heard X and Y were going to come view with a plan to buy. Just to give you a heads up, they'll be an absolute nightmare to sell to"

Nosleepforthismum · 06/05/2023 12:36

Casually mention to SIL that you were thinking of moving next year and it’s a shame the neighbour has put their house on the market already as if they were prepared to wait they could potentially buy your house instead. Hopefully this will lead to either of the following scenarios:

  1. SIL is put off neighbours house if you aren’t going to be living next door and decides not to make an offer.
  2. SIL thinks your house would be perfect and decides to wait for you to sell (in which case you wait until neighbour property has sold then change your mind).
  3. You’ve laid the ground work to sell up and move if she decides to go ahead with neighbouring property.
StrongerThanYouTh1nk · 06/05/2023 12:37

Tough. I completely understand. I'd just hope for the best. Many people want to buy the house they like and it then falls through. So I'd just hope for that.

I had something similar and in the end it all worked out in a way that they're not too close - despite desperately wanting to, and nearly getting it.

In the end they found a better house 6 miles away and it's perfect for everyone.

Good luck OP!

FarmGirl78 · 06/05/2023 12:39

Is your house attached to the house next door? It might be a bonus as you'd know exactly who you were getting. My friend has just bought next door to me, and I was wondering whether I'd hate it. A lot of mutual friends were saying it would be their worst nightmare living next to someone they knew. But weighing it up against the alternative of having a unknown move in, who could be noisy, with 4 million dogs, several unruly children, playing loud music at all hours I'd take my friend anyday!! Whatever consequences pale in comparison compared with the possibilities of unknowns.

If you think you can continue to be firm with your boundaries, and are happy to lay more down when needed then I'd say let them go for it.

If its not the sibling but the parents that are the problem, could OH confide his worries in sibling?

Whoknewiwouldlovethedog · 06/05/2023 12:42

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 06/05/2023 12:34

If you get on well with the neighbours I'd just say "oh we heard X and Y were going to come view with a plan to buy. Just to give you a heads up, they'll be an absolute nightmare to sell to"

Would you really do this? Seriously?

catless · 06/05/2023 12:44

I'd certainly mention it to the neighbour. They might mistakenly think you want to live next door to your relatives.

BOOTS52PollyPrissyPants · 06/05/2023 12:46

Get your husband to talk to his brother and say it is too much living next door to each other and need your privacy, that in itself should put them off. I would not like that at all to be so close as adults need their own space, say something now or you will regret it.

Missjkay · 06/05/2023 12:52

Too close for comfort if it was up the road it would probably feel better. I would speak to the neighbour if possible.

Fallowandbar · 06/05/2023 12:53

I'd tell the neighbours your in-laws have pulled out of multiple house sales! Easiest way to avoid drama is make sure they're not accepted!

Bootsycalico · 06/05/2023 12:54

It’s not just DH’s parents who have an issue with boundaries!

CuriouslyDifferent · 06/05/2023 12:55

I’d poison the well.

speak to the seller and say look, I don’t want your burnt, im family with these people, and shouldn’t say anything, but they have form for messing people around, I’ve already heard they plan to re-negotiate after they’ve strung you along for a few months. I hope it doesn’t happen, but I don’t want people I know and like, thinking I’m much to do with them.

Not entirely honest, but I do think that these people aren’t asking how the OP feels and taking notice. So alls fair.

Thesharkradar · 06/05/2023 12:58

Presumably they think it will be to their advantage and benefit to live next door to you which probably means it's going to be to your disadvantage and detriment because they will want to exploit the situation.
Hopefully it will fall through but if it doesn't I would wait until they're properly settled in and if they are taking the piss I would move.

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 06/05/2023 13:03

CuriouslyDifferent · 06/05/2023 12:55

I’d poison the well.

speak to the seller and say look, I don’t want your burnt, im family with these people, and shouldn’t say anything, but they have form for messing people around, I’ve already heard they plan to re-negotiate after they’ve strung you along for a few months. I hope it doesn’t happen, but I don’t want people I know and like, thinking I’m much to do with them.

Not entirely honest, but I do think that these people aren’t asking how the OP feels and taking notice. So alls fair.

Yes this. Bollocks to letting it happen, and trying to make it work when they move next door. As I said, it's easy to give that 'advice' when you're not the ones about to have your life upended.

tigger1001 · 06/05/2023 13:05

It's not unreasonable to feel the way you do op, but it's unreasonable to do anything, other than move yourself, to be stop it.

Certainly dont speak to your neighbours - that's just awful advice some have given. It's not their problem and nor should it be. And unless you want family drama I suspect speaking to them won't go particularly well. If the street is popular, their offer may not get accepted and you will have caused ill feeling for no reason.

In the end, you can't control what other people do. Only what you do. If it's a problem, then selling your own house and moving may be the only option.

Whoknewiwouldlovethedog · 06/05/2023 13:06

SecretsIWouldNeverTell · 06/05/2023 13:03

Yes this. Bollocks to letting it happen, and trying to make it work when they move next door. As I said, it's easy to give that 'advice' when you're not the ones about to have your life upended.

Show quote history

You are missing the point

we all agree this is not ideal!

but to give the op false hope that she can change this - is daft!

what is in her power is how she and her DH respond and adapt to ensure that interference is minimal

HauntedPencil · 06/05/2023 13:07

The "poison the well" type advice is frankly insane and makes you 10x worse than your in-laws with poor boundaries.

Blimey - just speak to them.

Stripedbag101 · 06/05/2023 13:08

Thesharkradar · 06/05/2023 12:58

Presumably they think it will be to their advantage and benefit to live next door to you which probably means it's going to be to your disadvantage and detriment because they will want to exploit the situation.
Hopefully it will fall through but if it doesn't I would wait until they're properly settled in and if they are taking the piss I would move.

Or it could be a covered street and have nothing to do with OP.

my sister would love to live on my street - it is in walking distance of the kids schools, the gardens are big and the houses are relatively new. Houses only go up for sale every ten years or so.

if the house next door went on the market I know she would want it - nothing to do with me. She would probably ask me if I mind and her and her husband would need to think about whether they could cope with me being so close - but I don’t think it would be a major factor in their decisions making - they have wanted to live on this street for years and years.

Whoknewiwouldlovethedog · 06/05/2023 13:09

HauntedPencil · 06/05/2023 13:07

The "poison the well" type advice is frankly insane and makes you 10x worse than your in-laws with poor boundaries.

Blimey - just speak to them.

This who?

and say what??

Georgiarule · 06/05/2023 13:12

If it’s a popular road and houses rarely come up I’d imagine they are one of many eyeing up that house and it’s likely to sell over asking price. Considering in your OP they’ve made comments about how you could afford and they couldn’t would this mean they’d might not necessarily be able to pay over the ask?

Mari9999 · 06/05/2023 13:13

@OP, the reasonable thing to do is to say and do nothing. Would you have wanted anyone to try and dissuade you from purchasing the home of your choice. Whatever your feelings are about your husband's parent, they should not be a direct or subtle reason for trying to impact your BIL 's purchase.

Turn your focus to your expected child and not on the house situation.

JobChangeSoonPlease · 06/05/2023 13:14

In your shoes I'd approach the neighbours just to say they shouldn't feel obliged to go with DBILs offer just because we are family. I'd urge them to treat them like any other buyer (and if possible hint that you'd be happier if they didn't get the house).

BrutusMcDogface · 06/05/2023 13:24

Of course there’s nothing you can do, apart from move away if they do buy it.

pussycatinfluffyslippers · 06/05/2023 13:29

Get an estate agent round for a valuation and get yours on the market.

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