To not want them to move in next door

[frangipandas]

Our next door neighbours' house has just gone on the market, and DH's sibling and partner want to buy it. Are DH and I unreasonable for not wanting this to happen?

We get on with the sibling perfectly fine but his sibling is super close to DH's parents, and there are a few boundary issues there. We've worked quite hard to set up some boundaries of our own after tensions years ago, and part of what helps is us all not living in each others' pockets.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way. But I'm not sure it's as simple as that - for years they've been saying it's not "fair" that (at that time) we could afford to live on this road and they couldn't, whilst turning down similar options nearby.

Is there anything we can reasonably do? We're expecting our first DC later this year which is probably reinforcing feelings of wanting our own space. Thanks for any thoughts.

I'd at least speak to the neighbours beforehand, because if they catch wind one of the offers they get is from their neighbours siblings they might think that would be wonderful for you, when in fact its not. Ultimately you can't dictate to them what to do, but I think they might be sympathetic if you point out that them moving next door wouldn't be ideal for you.

Argh this happened to us.

Ohs sister bought the house 2 doors down and it was a nightmare. She, and all their extended family, just thought the could have free range access to our house and garden (she used to let her kids in to our garden because we had better play equipment and she used to try and use our washing line for an extra load!) and not have to knock. They were turning up at all hours of the day.

We moved. The sight on their faces when the for sale sign went up! 😆

Thankfully she didn’t follow.

It's a popular road where houses don't come up that often, so part of me thinks it's difficult for us to lay claim in a way.
Or indeed in any way. Prepare to move if this is an issue.

If it’s a popular street, there should be lots of interest and hopefully offers from other people. So having a nice word with your neighbours about it may work, if they can easily choose to go with someone else.

However - are they definitely in a position to buy this house? Have they sold their house? Mortgage in principle? Can they afford it? If you have any reason to think not, then I wouldn’t worry. Other people will be in a better position so they are unlikely to get it.

Not entirely honest? Is that a euphemism for a downright slanderous lie?
You think its 'fair' to lie about the integrity of a sibling, painting them falsely as someone who engages in one of the lowest most dishonourable behaviours in house purchase? And just because they also want to live in a desirable street, and have for some time, but the OP just happens to live their already?

'How's the viewings going?'

'Oh, very well'

'That's great. When we were last looking for a place, we lost out on one we were prepared to pay well over the asking price to somebody who was determined to live next door to family. The woman accepted and then they dropped their offer by fifty grand on the day, but we'd already found here, so the poor woman was stuck with them because her chain would have collapsed. I didn't realise it was such a thing, but BIL was talking about how they always do it to their vendors. They're looking for somewhere at the moment as well and have always been interested in this street...'

We recently moved to a house five doors away from my pils. Definitely had my reservations as I really like my privacy, but as they’re both elderly and not in the best of health, I agreed to it. The house was also lovely and ideal for us.
The only thing I’d suggest is you set your boundaries with family very early on, if they do move next door. Don’t be afraid to speak candidly. I made it clear - firmly but politely - that I wouldn’t appreciate unannounced/daily visits, would like notice etc. It might seem harsh, but it’s completely fair.

INSANIO

If it was me I'd direct DH to have a v tactful sibling to sibling chat about how it would all work etc, I don't think that's particularly offensive if it's handled right.

I know you aren't going to anyway but be serious people, what they put in the higher offer and what reason will vendors give to turn it down -what would the estate agent say, how transparent even is it obviously a move to block it all. It's not Eastenders or coronation street.

Urgh my husbands sister is also looking for a house in our (very small) village. She and my MIL are extremely smothering and no time we spend with them is ever enough. I just know if they do move we will never get a moments peace and it’s going to cause arguments.

I do think that families should all have boundaries and living on the same road wears away personal space. You have my sympathies

Yes.

Say great and be enthusiastic because in all likelihood it will fall through anyway, therefore there is no point worrying about it until they actually exchange and potentially falling out over something that probably won’t happen and if they do end up moving in and it is the Nightmare you think it could be.. well… then you might have to move house yourself. But until it actually happens - keep positive that it won’t even happen.

@5128Gap

Not entirely honest? Is that a euphemism for a downright slanderous lie?

You think its 'fair' to lie about the integrity of a sibling, painting them falsely as someone who engages in one of the lowest most dishonourable behaviours in house purchase? And just because they also want to live in a desirable street, and have for some time, but the OP just happens to live their already?

Yes, I think that's fair.

Of course it's not fair and it's actually quite worrying behaviour tbh. Although yes carrying on like that will definitely ensure no one wants to live on the same street as you I guess

This. It's about all you can realistically do.

Drip feed stories of the crime and anti social behaviour that's on the rise in your neighbourhood.

Yep, that’s what I’d do. Drop hints that they’re time-wasters, have pulled out of purchases before, dicked people around, etc. A bit evil, but if you’re on a popular road your neighbours will have other interested buyers.

This OP

I can’t believe some of these replies!

This situation has got nothing at all to do with your neighbours. It’s 100% about your family relationships. You are looking for ways to avoid difficult conversations and situations.

If - big if, many a slip between cup and lip - they do end up moving in next door, just act your age and have those conversations. What’s the worst that can happen? They won’t like you? They make passive aggressive snide remarks? They badmouth you? Nobody can make you feel a certain way. If you feel awkward or guilty or stressed or insulted or whatever - just don’t. Tell them whatever you need to about how you want/need things to be, be kind but firm, set your boundaries and stick to it. Let them deal with you. Why are you dealing with them, when it hasn’t even come to pass yet?

We lived next door to my BIL for a few years. I was dreading them moving in but it was actually totally fine. We kept things fairly formal - had a chat first to say it's great they're close by but not to feel obliged to invite us over much or if they were having a party or barbeque or whatever. We said something similar to PIL - that it would be best to arrange specific times they visited us separately from BIL's family. We more or less stuck to that - a couple of times we did emergency babysitting for BIL but neither family exploited it, and PIL got the hint too.

I wouldn't try to manipulate this in any way - your ILs are free to live where they want, your ndns to sell their house to who they want and you'll just come across as manipulative and controlling if you interfere. Have a chat with your ILS if they do buy the house, and meanwhile just carry on and think of the potential upsides.

Don't do this, don't lie! Don't poison the well, or slander other people. It's completely unethical, dishonest and downright nasty. Honestly, MN is a cesspit sometimes. What values are you passing on to your kids with these attitudes?!

I think that’s too close.
The only thing you can do, is if they move next door, sit them down on day 1 and set out some ground rules, be pleasant but firm and just tell them what is ok and is not ok. If ur not firm they will ruin your lives.

No, you’re not being unreasonable, I’d hate the idea of my sibling living next door. No, there’s absolutely nothing you can do. Good luck 🤞

You can't stop anyone buying it including them. However having previously lived next door to friends I wouldn't do it again.
There isn't much you can do about from pray they don't or try and put them off.

Sorry, it's a horrible problem but I can't see anything you can do to avoid it, especially if they have always wanted to live on this road.

With luck, they won't get the house because someone else will buy it at a higher price. I wouldn't say too much therefore since it is not a certainty. But if the subject is raised, it is a chance to set your boundaries in a pleasant way, just saying how you like to do things together and value your privacy so don't expect you'd see very much of each other if they buy the house.

I can imagine how horrible this is for you and I really am sorry. If they do buy the house, I would suggest that you are honest from the start. Obviously be kind but gently make it clear you do not plan to 'live in each other's pockets' and that you will not be changing your current arrangement with your DH's parents. Set out your boundaries before they move in. Stress how much you value your privacy and hate it when people just turn up without warning.... (Something I am not keen on actually.)

Good luck. i do hope they do not buy the house!