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Original poster

Is this morally wrong?

156 replies

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 19:49

I am fairly good friends with a guy, our kids play together and I go out at work with him often (runs his own business) and we socialise once in a while and keep in touch.

He and his partner (his children's mum) split 8 years ago. My friend seems over it, they get along fine and he doesn't speak much about her, life seems to have moved on.

I was not friends with him when they were together. A few months ago his ex partner added me on instagram, I find her extremely physically attractive. One night a few weeks ago she sent me a highly sexual message, making it pretty clear she is interested in me sexually. We have messaged a bit back and forth. I asked what her ex, my friend would think about this and she replied that it's none of his business and she won't be telling. We have been planning when to meet.

I really want to, and I know it's a purely sexual thing. That's all I want and the way she is presenting it, it seems to be all she wants. Nothing relationship wise will come of it, so I suppose there's no risk of anyone finding out.

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong but then I think well he has slept with others and had other girlfriends since they split. He is over her, it was 8 years ago.

If I do this is it okay? Or morally, even if he is over her, is it wrong?

OP posts:
Blablablanamechangagain · 05/05/2023 19:50

If you're asking. It's because you think it's morally wrong. Otherwise you wouldn't be questioning it.

Original poster
dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:13

Not particularly helpful I'm afraid...

OP posts:
Nimbostratus100 · 05/05/2023 20:15

I think your question has been answered by the first poster - you know its wrong to do this behind your friends back

SoupedUpSue · 05/05/2023 20:19

I would say it’s morally wrong, sorry. She may also be doing it to get back at him or under his skin. Seems odd she’s gone out of her way to contact you when you didn’t know either of them before.

Watchthedoormat · 05/05/2023 20:24

Why keep it a secret?
Tell him and gage how he feels about it.
Unless of course it's morally wrong🤔 in which case you'll be looking to keep it quiet.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 05/05/2023 20:27

Yabvu

LordEmsworth · 05/05/2023 20:30

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:13

Not particularly helpful I'm afraid...

What, answers you don't like are unhelpful?

The only helpful answer would be sure, go ahead and fuck her, your friend won't mind?

CuteCillian · 05/05/2023 20:30

As he is a mate, casually mention to him that you are thinking of meeting up with his ex. If all is above board then it's perfectly fine (and just ensures she isn't pretending to be attracted to you just to get his back up).

growgrowinggrown · 05/05/2023 20:37

If you're even considering it then you're a shit mate. Hope that helps clear it up for you.

Greenfairydust · 05/05/2023 20:40

The fact that you are even considering this shows that you are not his friend.

If you want a sex buddy, just go on dating sites and find someone that doesn't come with this baggage.

JudgeRudy · 05/05/2023 20:42

I don't feel it's wrong to date/fuck his ex....not 8 years after they split.
I do think he might not like it though and hed prefer you didn't. I would tell him before but i wouldnt necessarily keep it a secret. If thats what she asks you to do i wouldnt bother with her.
My argument is that either you or him will 'lose'. He might feel odd/hurt, you are being dictated to who you can date. As its his history it's his problem. I don't think you should have to lose out.

hereiamagainn · 05/05/2023 20:43

Well….. morally I guess it’s okay. Nobody’s cheating here and everyone’s a consenting adult.

But is it compatible with your friendship? Not so easy to say. If you want to keep it a secret from him, I guess not?

ObfuscationWithMenaces · 05/05/2023 20:46

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:13

Not particularly helpful I'm afraid...

Because it wasn't what you wanted to hear.
This post is a waste of time. You have alreaduy made up your mind and are planning your outfit

Silverbook · 05/05/2023 20:47

If you didn't think it was wrong you'd have already told your friend. It is very unreasonable and you already know that.

MysteryBelle · 05/05/2023 20:47

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong

Listen to your conscience now while you still have one.

Riverlee · 05/05/2023 20:48

CuteCillian · 05/05/2023 20:30

As he is a mate, casually mention to him that you are thinking of meeting up with his ex. If all is above board then it's perfectly fine (and just ensures she isn't pretending to be attracted to you just to get his back up).

This.

Daffodilmorning · 05/05/2023 20:51

Yes, of course it would be wrong to purposely go behind your friends back. But you know that or you wouldn’t be asking and hoping for people to tell you to go for it.

If you really like her, give your friend a heads up. If you just fancy having sex, go on a dating app.

CreationNat1on · 05/05/2023 20:51

Yep, I ld say to mate:

I was thinking about asking xjuliex on a date, just wondering if that would be awks or cause any issues.

Original poster
dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:55

I'm not taking her on a date though. It would be purely sex.

OP posts:
ConsuelaHammock · 05/05/2023 20:55

It’s wrong . Ask your friend for his opinion? Pretend it’s someone at work if you don’t want to be completely honest. My sister had a friend who went out with her ex. They weren’t friends after that happened. Do you value a quick shag over a good friend?

Original poster
dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:55

So but more awkward to bring it up casually

OP posts:
newwings · 05/05/2023 20:55

This is a revenge thing on her part I think... don't get used as much as you may enjoy it Grin

Zoopadee · 05/05/2023 20:56

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 20:55

I'm not taking her on a date though. It would be purely sex.

How would you feel if the tables were turned and he met with the mother of your children to have sex? Would you still want to hang out with him?

Hankunamatata · 05/05/2023 20:57

If you value your friendship then don't do it.

MysteryBelle · 05/05/2023 20:57

Ick

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