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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this morally wrong?

156 replies

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 19:49

I am fairly good friends with a guy, our kids play together and I go out at work with him often (runs his own business) and we socialise once in a while and keep in touch.

He and his partner (his children's mum) split 8 years ago. My friend seems over it, they get along fine and he doesn't speak much about her, life seems to have moved on.

I was not friends with him when they were together. A few months ago his ex partner added me on instagram, I find her extremely physically attractive. One night a few weeks ago she sent me a highly sexual message, making it pretty clear she is interested in me sexually. We have messaged a bit back and forth. I asked what her ex, my friend would think about this and she replied that it's none of his business and she won't be telling. We have been planning when to meet.

I really want to, and I know it's a purely sexual thing. That's all I want and the way she is presenting it, it seems to be all she wants. Nothing relationship wise will come of it, so I suppose there's no risk of anyone finding out.

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong but then I think well he has slept with others and had other girlfriends since they split. He is over her, it was 8 years ago.

If I do this is it okay? Or morally, even if he is over her, is it wrong?

OP posts:
theGooHasGone · 05/05/2023 21:56

She's his ex for a reason. Often people acting like that can be a little crazy. You might be better off out of it. I agree with others though that if you really want to do this, give him a heads up so it doesn't look like you were trying to keep it a secret.

evuscha · 05/05/2023 21:57

Oh please. If she’s so very attractive, a “random add from Instagram” is the best she can do you think?
Of course she’s trying to get revenge or whatever other game she plays to get to him.
The “peasants” have told you it’s morally wrong but sounds like you’re going to do it anyway.

Pixiedust1234 · 05/05/2023 22:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Thank you kind peasants.

WTAF??

Original poster
dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 22:01

evuscha · 05/05/2023 21:57

Oh please. If she’s so very attractive, a “random add from Instagram” is the best she can do you think?
Of course she’s trying to get revenge or whatever other game she plays to get to him.
The “peasants” have told you it’s morally wrong but sounds like you’re going to do it anyway.

I'm quite attractive myself if I do say so myself so not out of this world she may be attracted to me either 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 22:01

theGooHasGone · 05/05/2023 21:56

She's his ex for a reason. Often people acting like that can be a little crazy. You might be better off out of it. I agree with others though that if you really want to do this, give him a heads up so it doesn't look like you were trying to keep it a secret.

People acting like what?

OP posts:
evuscha · 05/05/2023 22:03

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 22:01

I'm quite attractive myself if I do say so myself so not out of this world she may be attracted to me either 🤣

Show quote history

Fair enough, in that case - you really can’t have sex with someone else who isn’t your friend’s ex and mother of his kids?
Casual sex is easy to find, don’t mess up your friendship for one shag.

Doyoumind · 05/05/2023 22:03

This is definitely something she has set out to do for revenge or similar. There's a reason behind it, and that's why it would be wrong. It's a bit twisted and it feels like she wants to sabotage his friendship with you.

PiffleIsTakingThePiss · 05/05/2023 22:04

Oh FGS just go take a cold shower and stop thinking with your penis. Ick is about right. Yuck.

Rosscameasdoody · 05/05/2023 22:05

Mention you’re planning to meet up with her to your friend and see what he says. Then, one way or another you’ll have your answer.

neslop · 05/05/2023 22:07

dadsnethelp · 05/05/2023 22:01

I'm quite attractive myself if I do say so myself so not out of this world she may be attracted to me either 🤣

Show quote history

If you're really that attractive it shouldn't be hard to find someone else who's not your friend's ex, surely that would be preferable?

ilovesooty · 05/05/2023 22:08

I'd wonder why she wanted to add me on Instagram and proposition me, and steer clear because that's strange.

However you weren't friends with her ex while they were together and I don't think it's any of his business who she or you have sex with.

LlamaFace19 · 05/05/2023 22:09

If you value your friendship I wouldn't do it. I thought it was fairly standard that friends exes were off limits?

ilovesooty · 05/05/2023 22:10

LlamaFace19 · 05/05/2023 22:09

If you value your friendship I wouldn't do it. I thought it was fairly standard that friends exes were off limits?

Why?

Notaposhette · 05/05/2023 22:11

Its not worth ruining a friendship for casual sex. Would be differ if it were for a relationship. She may well not be over their relationship and doing to get back at him. You've only heard his side of the story. I'd stay well clear and keep it in your pants. Its just your ego talking.

MammaTo · 05/05/2023 22:12

If you’re that good looking go and find someone who’s not trying to get one over on their ex by sleeping with his mate.

GoodChat · 05/05/2023 22:13

Having sex with your friends ex is a line you don't cross, even if this wasn't a bored kid on a Friday night.

ShowUs · 05/05/2023 22:13

It sounds like you’ve made your mind up.

I personally wouldn’t as I wouldn’t risk losing my friend and there are literally thousands of people who most people can have sex with.

But you would obviously be happy for him to have sex with your ex, so he may be fine with you having sex with his.

Drop her a message and then go from there.

Snowjokes · 05/05/2023 22:13

It’ll be a total fucking mess and you know it.

Its also not a random add. You’re not so attractive that she can’t help herself. It’s not coincidence. Try thinking with your brain not your dick.

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 05/05/2023 22:14

Kind peasants?

i'm surprised anyone would want to have sex with you tbh.

ShowUs · 05/05/2023 22:15

Snowjokes · 05/05/2023 22:13

It’ll be a total fucking mess and you know it.

Its also not a random add. You’re not so attractive that she can’t help herself. It’s not coincidence. Try thinking with your brain not your dick.

If OP wants to think that the only reason this random woman has added him and is saying she wants to have sex with because that’s what she genuinely wants and there’s no ulterior motive, then let him think that.

AAAAABBBBBCCCCC · 05/05/2023 22:16

Don't be fooled into thinking you're the only one she's playing this game with. She's staked out other friends of your friend.

It's not worth the potential fall out.

squidgybits · 05/05/2023 22:16

MysteryBelle · 05/05/2023 20:47

I just feel like I'm doing something wrong

Listen to your conscience now while you still have one.

amen

LlamaFace19 · 05/05/2023 22:17

ilovesooty · 05/05/2023 22:10

Why?

Show quote history

Because it's potentially messy and can destroy friendships. Why risk it when there are plenty of other people you can shag who haven't been with your friend first?

AnyFucker · 05/05/2023 22:18

Bollocks

DancingWithTheMoonlitKnight · 05/05/2023 22:19

AnyFucker · 05/05/2023 22:18

Bollocks

Exactly.