AIBU to want to help DS stop being so sensitive?

[Hoollaaahooops]

Over the past couple of years my DS, 8, has grown more and more sensitive, currently it’s impacting friendships and even families interactions with him so I want to help develop resilience.

A recent example was my sister was chatting to DS and DD (5) and DD asked if my sister thought she would look nice when she is an old lady, my sister then jokes ‘didn’t you know, some babies when born look like little old people so I already know you’ll look nice when you’re old’ cue lots of laughter from DD. DD then asked if her brother also looked like an old man when born, my sister said of course, babies look a little wrinkly when they come out so DS also looked like a cute little old man. DS laughed for about a second then burst out crying, got really angry at my sister and started shouting that his aunt was being mean to him, he didn’t want to be an old man, and that he never looked like a little old man. He then stormed out the room after kicking his chair over. Obviously interactions like this are putting people off spending time with him, as even the most light hearted comment or joke is taken so seriously. It doesn’t help that DD is so confident and can really take and enjoys lighthearted conversations and practical jokes.

Im working with a play therapist (as he has gone through trauma in his childhood which is why he is so sensitive) who has suggested modelling gentle teasing to help show him that people can playfully tease each other and it’s not some form of attack. However I’ve had a few mean comments from other parents when discussing this with them, so wanted to see if I was being unreasonable for trying to (in their words) ‘change my sons nature’ as apparently sensitivity isn’t something to be ‘fixed’

Currently as it’s early days I’m modelling being teased myself and showing an appropriate response, but it will be worked up to gentle teasing for him to be able to identify when people are joking and when people are being mean.

If anyone else has super sensitive children and had other ways to help I’d also be grateful to hear other techniques to compliment what I’m already doing too, as it’s really impacting him socially.

If they do, they’ll be upset at those defending the joke as saying the child was “kicking off over nothing”.

The Aunt was clearly deriding the appearance of babies by calling them wrinkly and looking like old men. It wasn’t a compliment.

Of anyone here, it is the Aunt that should be ashamed of making such an ageist “joke” in such poor taste. No one posting here discussing how shit of a joke that was and the boy’s feelings were valid needs to feel any shame, only those defending such a joke would be approving of and encouraging ageist bullying of old men.

@HadalyEve give it up, in your quest to rid the world of ‘body shaming’ comments you’ve inadvertently called a whole group of people ugly and scary (well the other poster did explicitly but that’s the implication isn’t it?)

Now you’re trying to blame the aunt for even that! You just sound bizarre, the type of person who will find fault with absolutely anything anyone else says but when you’re being criticised you rush to blame someone else.

There’s something insincere about people who want to accuse everyone else of prejudices or bullying. It takes one to know one after all doesn’t it?

No I haven’t called anyone ugly and scary. Give up pretending I’ve said things I haven’t said. You’ve done it several times now.

Yes, I’m blaming the Aunt for her “joke” that babies are wrinkly and look like little old men. She said it with intent to wind up and get a rise out of a traumatised 8yo child. I never said it, nor would I ever. It’s not funny at all. You think it’s hilarious and I am ridiculous, dramatic, humourless, etc for not giving a big old thumbs up to teasing traumatised children with a thought that many children do find scary- the thought of being old and close to death.

All our discussion on here is about what the Aunt said and the boys reaction to it. So no one here has “inadvertently” bullied old men by analysing what the Aunt said about wrinkly old men or what she implied by it or how children often see older people.

There’s something insincere about people who want to accuse everyone else of prejudices or bullying. It takes one to know one after all doesn’t it?

You sling insults around like they’re fucking bird seed. The funny thing is you are the one accusing posters of bullying unidentified random old men (who might possibly happen to be on MN reading this thread right this second)

But you also said that the “joke” said in person to an 8yo boy couldn’t be bullying because it wasn’t personal because the Aunt said ‘all babies’ (which was an error it was actually some babies).

Now people discussing what the Aunt said about old men, and it’s suddenly bullying according to you! Especially those of us criticising what the Aunt said as wrong, your praising her mocking old men is apparently not bullying?

That makes you a hypocrite at the very least. If there has been any second hand cyber-bullying of possibly might be on MN right now old men by discussing what the Aunt said IRL, then the 8yo boy was definitely bullied IRL and in person by the logic of YOUR brand new argument.

@HadalyEve

how do you know what the aunt’s intention was??
know her personally do you?

Play therapy is widely used for treating childhood trauma.

She said it with intent to wind up and get a rise out of a traumatised 8yo child.

No she didn't, she said it to have a light hearted joke with her niece that the niece then extended out to apply to her brother, and probably didn't anticipate such a massive overreaction.

I'm absolutely not pro teasing or pro banter. With adults it's often boring and can cross the line into misogyny, racism classism etc. With children it can often be about creating power dynamics and making them feel inferior.

Having said that, I do feel there are situations which aren't the things I outlined. Where somone may say something which of over sensitive could be perceived as a slight. For example they don't like a thing you like or with children they can't have or do something. These are normal interactions and if the child is acting up at this type of thing he absolutely needs to be supported to overcome this.

The idea from other posters that by supporting him out of his behaviour op is setting him up from a life off accepting bs from people is nonsense. It's an over simplification of the world and human relations too.

I'm sure many of us have come across people like these in childhood or adulthood and they are difficult and it does impact on their lives. Op is doing her child no favours by not addressing this behaviour.

So this about sums it up.
Saying that a little boy looked like an old man - "cute joke"
Saying that a little boy may be scared or dislike old men - that's very mean bullying.