Council House advice

[Akkhan94]

Hope everyone is well. I am a Mommy of a ACC baby . It means Agenisis of the corpus collosum. My son is a bit delayed in development. He is going to be 4 in August and I am struggling with his potty training. If you look at him he seems perfectly normal but living with him is a story for another day . Anyway we live with my inlaws and my son finds it hard coping. When my family (my inlaws have a large family ) come over , he can't tolerate it . He starts crying and screaming, banging doors and throwing toys and becomes very upset. He needs his own place. My husband can't afford a house and I don't work, I am a SAHM to two boys. We have applied for social housing but I'm currently on position 105 200 on flats , and on houses its in 400s and 300s. Could anyone advise us how to go up the band ? We are on band c and we really need the house 🏡

If your son is at nursery, why not work while he is there?

She's living with family, her inlaws. Not "another family". She hasn't said they are overcrowded, you made that up.
She is not homeless.

@TheShellBeach
The OP's husband currently pays these things.
Op only said "bills" clearly not including rent and was otherwise vague. Is he paying his parents' living costs for them? Do they own their home but would struggle to afford it without him.

The OP is having to defend herself mightily on this thread. Her original question is perfectly reasonable and polite. Who amongst us would genuinely like to be in her situation? It is stressful enough having a child with additional needs, without having to deal with other people's behaviour too. I am sure that they will all be able to relax more and engage as a family in their own place. At least OP's husband is present and working, unlike a lot of men who abdicate all responsibility. OP has some ideas now so she can work on her plan to improve her situation. Shame about the rest!

I dont get the I can't work because thing when there is a partner. Kid with additional needs here and I always have worked around husbands hours. Passing ships but it brings in 2 wages. Living with family is an added plus for childcare surely.

Husband who can't cope just gets people's backs up. Learn to cope. Get a job and start saving for your own place.

That said I do wish there was enough SH for everyone who needs it. Housing is fucked in big cities.

@Akkhan94 ignore the "get a job" crowd. They don't realise that caring for a child with disabilities can be so mentally exhausting that is so hard to be able to switch off from caring for your child and put your brain into 'work mode' and cope with the commitment of going to work.
I can't help you with the council housing thing unfortunately but make sure you are getting all the support you are entitled to.
DLA (Disability Living Allowance) for your child and Carers Allowance for you.
Ask at his nursery about schemes or groups your husband could attend to learn some skills that can help him take care of your son without you.
Support groups for you (sometimes it's just good to be able to talk to parents in similar situations) - they might be full of helpful advice about things like housing.
Keep going day by day. It's hard and so many people just don't understand.
Good luck to you 💐

You have my sympathy. I love my MiL but would not want to live with her. It must be so hard to have to live with in-laws everyday and in one room too. Unfortunately there are no shortcuts on the council waiting list. Could you rent privately and then if you don't go out to work your DH and you jointly could put in a claim for UC. I'm not sure but if you can get it you could claim a housing element to get some money towards the rent. There is a calculator you can use on turn2us to see if you would be eligible. Could you take little ones out for a while when your in-laws house gets overcrowded with visitors?

You can't expect the op to decide who can and can't visit when it's not her house.

As a Brummie I can tell you it’s difficult.
Birmingham currently has a shortage of social housing.

All council and HA are applied for on the same list.

I got lucky and applied directly to a HA as I saw a post on zoopla. I now have a HA house. It took me 8 months of applying for private- the council didn’t accept my application as I had a 1 bed flat( my landlady was selling up though)

If you are on the housing list already, bid for whatever you can. Provide supporting evidence to hopefully move you up the list, if temporary is offered, accept it but you may need to apply for a discretionary housing payment as the rent is higher than private.

Brum council will help towards a deposit for private but you may need to expand your search area

@Blackbyrd except he HAS 'abdicated all responsibility' when it comes to the actual hands on caring and looking after of his own kid!!

For people saying move to a cheaper area, Birmingham is quite a cheap area. Also presumably OP would still need some support from the in-laws so would need to stay reasonably local.

Akkhan94ignore the "get a job" crowd. They don't realise that caring for a child with disabilities can be so mentally exhausting that is so hard to be able to switch off from caring for your child and put your brain into 'work mode' and cope with the commitment of going to work

That crowd has children with disabilities AND jobs, lots of us. We do manage to switch between caring for them and working, because we have to actually house our own chldren.

OP - you may be able to get some advice (from people who understand what ACC is - I've got it too) on the ACC Facebook group. There's also one for parents too.

@shammalammadingdong and some parents just couldn't cope with going out to work on top of caring for their child.
Everyone is different.

Hi hun , could I message you?

In fairness virtually everyone on here gets told they 'should have thought about that before having kids' even when it's something they couldn't possible have predicted!

I used to work in this area, it's possible that a letter from paeds may bump you up a band but I'll be honest from what you've said it's not likely and certainly still a wait of months or years

My advice would be to widen your search and look in different areas. Some of the more popular ones in better areas take years to get.
Look for somewhere outside where you know maybe? Once you're in you're secure for life and can spend time making it nice.
Good luck

Yeah sure

Exactly. I can't believe how everyone is trying to act heroic . I am just concerned , imagine if someone is mentally unstable and someone attacks them like this.

@shammalammadingdong I asked on here for some advice about a particular financial issue (I am a carer for my daughters, husband works but it's low - but not low enough for benefits) and I was greeted rudely by the "get a job" people and it upset me quite a lot. That's why I told the OP to ignore it.

You aren't being 'attacked'

Of course that is true. But the point I responded to was claimng that anyone suggesting a job must have no idea and that such a thing is just not possible. Well, we have every idea, and its more than possible.

OP can't get a job because her husband won't do his parenting properly. The child has another parent, and a nursery place. She needs to get him to step up, and get a job.

Or not, and stay where she is. She isn't homeless. She's been lving rent free for years.

At 14.14 today OP wrote 'we are overcrowded by one room' (No need to apologise!)
Her in laws are a separate household.
Your opinion on their housing status is irrelevant unless you're a decision maker at BCC.

The current housing details will have already been submitted, hence the banding

They are in a much better position than most on that BCC list!

We have a three bedroom house and my mother in law, father in law, brother in law, my two sons me and my son live here . So yes we are overcrowded. Thank you @5128gap but I feel like these guys are bitter about something. No use replying to them . Xx

What a stressful situation OP, I think council housing is like hens teeth at the minute unfortunately.

I don't have much experience but I would say it's worth finding out how your council's bands are awarded, my friend was recently offered a council flat and it was given to her because she worked (part-time) and her DP full time she was placed in a higher band as a working household but I think each council is different.

I find there are supportive Facebook groups for most things so it is worth joining a couple of groups if you're on Facebook. Good luck.