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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Council House advice

229 replies

Akkhan94 · 05/05/2023 14:02

Hope everyone is well. I am a Mommy of a ACC baby . It means Agenisis of the corpus collosum. My son is a bit delayed in development. He is going to be 4 in August and I am struggling with his potty training. If you look at him he seems perfectly normal but living with him is a story for another day . Anyway we live with my inlaws and my son finds it hard coping. When my family (my inlaws have a large family ) come over , he can't tolerate it . He starts crying and screaming, banging doors and throwing toys and becomes very upset. He needs his own place. My husband can't afford a house and I don't work, I am a SAHM to two boys. We have applied for social housing but I'm currently on position 105 200 on flats , and on houses its in 400s and 300s. Could anyone advise us how to go up the band ? We are on band c and we really need the house 🏡

OP posts:
Swansandcustard · 05/05/2023 18:56

So, let me get this right, basically the whole family are living in your DH parents’ house? Is this owned by them? Is DH basically keeping everyone going by working, and culturally they expect you to stay at home? DH doesn’t help parent, because it is seen as the woman’s role? Otherwise it just makes no sense that strangers can handle him at nursery, but your DH and family can’t.

people making suggestions you don’t like isn’t attacking you, it’s just coming up with common sense solutions - having one parent not working is a massive luxury in the UK now, ditto paying for private tuition. There are obvious areas your situation can be improved, almost instantly. But it’s whether you want to, or will be allowed to.

And like a pp, you can fuck off with the racist drivel. I never read op names. You devalue the word, throwing it around with no reason to. Do you know the ethnicity of people posting to you?

Sounds a shit situation, I would go off my nut, but something needs to change. Or it continues as is.

Toomanylatenightprogs · 05/05/2023 18:58

The housing situation in Britain has become unsustainable.
I think your best bet is to get support locally with your son. I only know the basics of his condition but you don’t want any behaviours to become set.
I found some help online, you might already know about them, https://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2015/01/12/what-you-need-to-know-about-agenesis-of-the-corpus-callosum#:~:text=The%20National%20Association%20of%20Disorders,and%20a%20bi%2Dannual%20conference.

https://corpal.org.uk/
https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/agenesis-of-corpus-callosum/

https://www.facebook.com/groups/352844808133037/

I think if you can find other ways for your son to cope with people visiting your housing might not be so urgent.
You could also speak to your local councillors, just Google “ my local councillor Birmingham”

Friendship Circle / Resources

https://www.friendshipcircle.org/blog/2015/01/12/what-you-need-to-know-about-agenesis-of-the-corpus-callosum#:~:text=The%20National%20Association%20of%20Disorders,and%20a%20bi%2Dannual%20conference.

Toomanylatenightprogs · 05/05/2023 19:06

It looks from your posts you are maybe not getting all the benefits you’re entitled to.
Look online for your nearest Citizens Advice Bureau, you can make an appointment and staff will help you full in the forms — they can be vast so it really helps to have a knowledgeable pair of eyes on them.
Good luck.

Unsure33 · 05/05/2023 19:06

I agree with applying to housing associations as their rents will not be much more than council rents . My parents were on a council house list for over 20 years and never got allocated , but I did apply to housing associations and found them somewhere at very reasonable rent . I think that’s your best bet and visit shelter for advice and help or CAB a to see what benefits you would get until your child gets to 5 .

Lemoncakefortea · 05/05/2023 19:22

My annoyance with posts like this are yet again people having children the can’t afford. You need to increase your income with an evening shift or weekend job. There’s no magic solution to free stuff.

KingPrinceCharles · 05/05/2023 19:22

I haven't read the entire thread and I've named changed for this. My advice may not be that helpful as your situation is somewhat different but many years ago my partner (already a Council tenant) was living in an overcrowded 1 bed council flat with his 2 small children - his local Councillor happened to be canvassing and asked how many occupants were living there. He told my partner he would put his situation before an "emergency" housing committee, which he did. My partner was then given one offer only of a house which he took. The point being it can't hurt to ask your local Councillor as they may possibly be able to help you if they are on the local housing committee.

porridgeisbae · 05/05/2023 19:36

The PP is wrong about people on UC not having much luck with the social housing here. Virtually everyone who applies for it will be on benefits.

I suppose there are registered social landlords that are private individuals and they'll be like any other landlord and not want people on benefits really (which is discrimination if the family have a disabled member of course, but that's by the by.)

But things like housing associations will be mainly applied for by people on benefits (though I know HAs etc like to try and have a mix of people.) get on the list/apply for absolutely everything.

@Akkhan94 I think if you private rent what you can afford, you could probably still stay on the council list as band C overcrowding due to needing more space than the average family because of your son's disability.

The thing with agenesis of the corpus collosum as I've understood it in the past from reading, is some people with it have no extra problems than anyone else whereas some will have major problems. So you have to demonstrate the level of impairment. If you get DLA that will help prove that.

I got an ok private rental in the past which was previously a council flat and the estate agents were laid back about who they allowed there for that reason (I'm disabled and unable to work pretty much for that.)

Other places you can private rent @Akkhan94 are over to the North of town I think. A lot of places there are cheaper. City Road etc etc. They're not the nicest of areas but would be a space of your own.

Nothing anyone's said is about your surname having Khan in it BTW. Seeing as how we're not psychic and wouldn't know what your name is. Smile

I think a lot of us understand that Asian women sometimes end up in this cultural family set up, but most of us would have nothing but empathy for someone in that situation, because we can only imagine what that situation might be like, and even imagining it sounds hard work enough, unless you happen to have parents in law that are actual saints, and even then it'd tend to be more cramped than most of us would enjoy.

porridgeisbae · 05/05/2023 19:47

I was homeless twice before I eventually quickly got a place the second time.

@Akkhan94 This is a bit underhand but could you be fake-thrown out (or real if you feel that way) by your husband? Then turn up to the council saying you're homeless, queue up. You'd be put in temporary housing while they decide what to do. Initially it can be unpleasant in B&Bs or whatever, but then they moved me to a temporary flat while I waited for a permanent one, which was fine.

People are not supposed to do this but they can't prove it.

Then after you move, your husband could join you.

I suppose the problem is that as it's your in-laws house they would have to agree to be in on the plan. And they mightn't want you to leave because of all you do around the house etc and how useful that is to them.

porridgeisbae · 05/05/2023 19:51

I suppose your name is 'akkhan' but it's with 2 'k's. I thought it was a character out of a game or something.

Xenia · 05/05/2023 19:57

Could the inlaws be asked not to have so many people over or the boy be taken elsewhere when guests come? I live in an Indian area and people opposite live with the husband's remaining parent and the non working wife, but they have quite a lot of space and seem to be happy so I suppose it just depends on the overall situation.

The UK has the highest tax burden for 70 years on tax payers so if you can afford not to take state housing/benefits then that is much better for those of us who are forced to work full time to help through our massive taxes those unable to work.

Doobydoo · 05/05/2023 20:10

How stressful OP. I know all councils are different but maybe getting all the evidence you can for council. GP and Paediatrician letters and also saying re overcrowding. I would really hope that moves you up bands. It is extreme but if the family you live with say you have to go that can move things on..BUT might mean emergency accomodation which probably wouldn't be ok for you all. I wish you all the best.

EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 20:33

shammalammadingdong · 05/05/2023 18:04

He goes to nursery, so clearly other people can cope with him. Sounds like the DH/family choose not to

Show quote history

Fucking hell, this is an absolutely despicable response: how cruel! Do you have personal experience of parenting severely disabled children 24/7? (I imagine that you will reply yes anyway…)

Needmorelego · 05/05/2023 20:37

@Lemoncakefortea how do you know their financial situation when their children were born?
And how were they to know that one child would have a disability meaning one parent can't/it's difficult to work.
Also council housing is not "free" 🙄

EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 20:38

Well, there is plenty of free stuff when it comes to prime ministers/former prime ministers - oh, and about to be coronated royal family members.

Needmorelego · 05/05/2023 20:39

@EmmatheStageRat yes but that isn't really relevant or helpful to the OPs situation right now.

PonyPatter44 · 05/05/2023 21:09

EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 20:38

Well, there is plenty of free stuff when it comes to prime ministers/former prime ministers - oh, and about to be coronated royal family members.

Coronated?? The word is actually crowned.

porridgeisbae · 05/05/2023 21:12

@PonyPatter44 Apparently both are ok.

Someone being coronated would be someone going through/having gone through a coronation, grammatically, of course.

Original poster
Akkhan94 · 05/05/2023 21:14

Thank you guys . I'm just going through all the posts and looking through the links. Thank you for taking out the time for me . ❤️

OP posts:
EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 21:18

PonyPatter44 · 05/05/2023 21:09

Coronated?? The word is actually crowned.

Show quote history

No, coronated is grammatically correct. (Is this REALLY what you took from this thread?) Just to divert the thread even more, would you like a recommendation for a quality dictionary?

savoycabbage · 05/05/2023 21:23

Coronated?? The word is actually crowned.

You better tell the BBC as they have said it a thousand times in the last few days.

EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 21:27

savoycabbage · 05/05/2023 21:23

Coronated?? The word is actually crowned.

You better tell the BBC as they have said it a thousand times in the last few days.

Well, that’s me and me the whole of the BBC pissing of @PonyPatter44 !

EmmatheStageRat · 05/05/2023 21:27

OFF not of!

PickAChew · 05/05/2023 23:54

Lemoncakefortea · 05/05/2023 19:22

My annoyance with posts like this are yet again people having children the can’t afford. You need to increase your income with an evening shift or weekend job. There’s no magic solution to free stuff.

Of course, people plan to have a disabled child who turns their life upside down. 😠

Enough of the daily mail bile.

Redebs · 06/05/2023 06:45

porridgeisbae · 05/05/2023 19:47

I was homeless twice before I eventually quickly got a place the second time.

@Akkhan94 This is a bit underhand but could you be fake-thrown out (or real if you feel that way) by your husband? Then turn up to the council saying you're homeless, queue up. You'd be put in temporary housing while they decide what to do. Initially it can be unpleasant in B&Bs or whatever, but then they moved me to a temporary flat while I waited for a permanent one, which was fine.

People are not supposed to do this but they can't prove it.

Then after you move, your husband could join you.

I suppose the problem is that as it's your in-laws house they would have to agree to be in on the plan. And they mightn't want you to leave because of all you do around the house etc and how useful that is to them.

Don't be 'fake thrown out'.

It's fraud and you could be imprisoned for it.

Any temporary housing will be checked to see that you are actually living there. You might be in a grotty hotel for months and months. You won't be able to have visitors or stay at your inlaws.

x2boys · 06/05/2023 07:38

Unsure33 · 05/05/2023 19:06

I agree with applying to housing associations as their rents will not be much more than council rents . My parents were on a council house list for over 20 years and never got allocated , but I did apply to housing associations and found them somewhere at very reasonable rent . I think that’s your best bet and visit shelter for advice and help or CAB a to see what benefits you would get until your child gets to 5 .

Depending on area 'the oo might not be able to apply to indvidual.housing association,s where.I live you have to go through one register for all.social housing