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AIBU?

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Original poster

Thrown under the bus at work

269 replies

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:39

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 05/05/2023 17:15

Incredibly unprofessional.

Wexone · 05/05/2023 17:15

@Mooshamoosorry to hear the crap you are going through.
But dont comment then
Log off

Mabelface · 05/05/2023 17:17

Oh she's fucked up big time. This won't go unnoticed by management, don't worry. It's not going to be you in the shit here. Say nothing in the teams chat. If your line manager doesn't grab you on Tuesday, as them for a quick chat as you're a bit upset about how the error was broached publicly. I'd not be surprised if she's already been pulled up on it.

Gymtastic · 05/05/2023 17:18

Mabelface · 05/05/2023 17:17

Oh she's fucked up big time. This won't go unnoticed by management, don't worry. It's not going to be you in the shit here. Say nothing in the teams chat. If your line manager doesn't grab you on Tuesday, as them for a quick chat as you're a bit upset about how the error was broached publicly. I'd not be surprised if she's already been pulled up on it.

Don’t do this. The manager will think more of you for not treating them like a parent, they already know. Let them do their job, just don’t comment.

Whochangedmynamec · 05/05/2023 17:18

Say nothing, act professionally, it will blow over. I made a mistake caused by my machine malfunctioning, apologised and moved on. I noticed that two other people made the same mistake but theirs weren’t picked up on. Stay mature, professional and engaged. Everyone makes mistakes. Getting angry, defensive or aggressive will just hurt you.

Maybe nobody answered because they’ve been on the receiving end too.

Unsure33 · 05/05/2023 17:18

Mooshamoo · 05/05/2023 15:48

So you forgot to do something.

Your colleague took on your extra work and did it for you.

And you're angry at her? Wow.

No sense of accountability.

That’s not the point . I also think it is very unprofessional to let everyone know about the mistake when the person is still learning .

in fact I got hauled over the coals one when I had been training a person to run meetings for three months and in front of the department I said “ can you run the meeting this time please I think we have completed training “

I was told this was demeaning and caused them stress by saying in front of the whole department that they should be ready to run the meetings . It’s was actually bought up in a grievance with HR 🤷‍♀️

so I am with the OP on this one.

Modda · 05/05/2023 17:19

Thanks for pointing that out to us all on my day off.

See you next Tuesday Smile

GeekyThings · 05/05/2023 17:20

CornishSlate · 05/05/2023 14:15

As others have said I’d suggest it’s best to actively deal with this, in an appropriate way.
If we worked together I’d suggest approaching your line manager immediately to acknowledge the mistake, how you would plan to rectify it, and raising concerns about how this person has dealt with it. Bring copies of the messages.
Mistakes happen. However a person should never be publicly shamed as this just leads to mistakes not being appropriately dealt with in the future.
Please raise this asap.

This is exactly the right thing to do, don't approach her directly as that could make things worse. She could complain about you if you do!

I would go straight to my line manager exactly as CornishSlate has described. No need to speak to her now, and avoid unnecessary contact in future.

workistoomuch · 05/05/2023 17:22

If you do want to highlight it to your manager I would position it as although you don't mind, perhaps its worth having a team standard for discussing errors in private first as more sensitive members of the team could get upset.

We had someone at work like this and they did it to me when I was new. I just thought wow, you dick, and it quickly became apparent she had an awful reputation within the company.

Gymtastic · 05/05/2023 17:23

GeekyThings · 05/05/2023 17:20

This is exactly the right thing to do, don't approach her directly as that could make things worse. She could complain about you if you do!

I would go straight to my line manager exactly as CornishSlate has described. No need to speak to her now, and avoid unnecessary contact in future.

Show quote history

It’s the worst thing to do, there is nothing to rectify, both of you read the thread, it was a minor work item, it’s done, and it could have waited till Tuesday.

Whochangedmynamec · 05/05/2023 17:24

My BIL spent years doing 70 hour weeks for a company that threw him under the bus at the first opportunity.

Workers are dispensable. All the loyalty means nothing.

Cover your behind and trust only yourself

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 05/05/2023 17:31

Don't respond, especially on a day off.
It often causes issues for managers if peolpe start responding to things on their day off especially if matters escalate.

If you're manager is any good at all, they will have spoken to her about her unprofessionalism & the inappropriate nature of her actions.

Mistakes happen & uusuallythere is a simple reason - lack of training, work load, competition priorities or simple human error. No decent boss really minds once there isn't a regular occupancy & any feedback is taken well.

Calling out a colleague in such a manner is unnecessary, unprofessional & outside the scope of her role. The silence says it all. She's lightlighted she's a self serving liability. Her manager will think far less of her than you.

If you want, best think you can do is email your manage when you go back, apologise for error and ask if there's anything you need to do now to help.

Lochjeda · 05/05/2023 17:36

Don't reply on teams, she will then reply again and it will look super tit for tat and unprofessional.

Raise it with your manager Tuesday, just say "I apologise for the error I made that was brought to everyone's attention on Friday by x, if I'm being honest I was quite taken aback a minor error was raised like that to everyone, is that normal protocol to not highlight it to the person or their line manager especially when they are fairly new and still settling in to the job? I definitely won't make that error again now."

babyproblems · 05/05/2023 17:36

V unprofessional. I would reply saying ‘so sorry I forgot this! Let me know if you would still like me to fix it? Would take me a couple of mins… probs quicker than it took you to post on the group’ with a smiling winking face. Your colleagues will be pissing themselves at her patheticness. Then when I saw her I would be as nice as pie and give her a post it with my email saying If she needs anything in future here’s your email and she can contact you anytime; obviously she doesn’t have it?… I would match her in her game of passive aggressiveness. How annoying!!! Take some satisfaction from the fact she’s probably miserable at work and feels insecure so needs to publicly throw her colleagues under the bus.

hotdiggetydog · 05/05/2023 17:40

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:39

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

Repeat after me. Colleagues are never friends.

QuintanaRoo · 05/05/2023 17:42

I agree she will pull shit like this for ever unless you nip it in the bud. One of the suggested replies from previous posters about putting on teams about “in future please raise such matters with me individually as this is more appropriate “ would be good.

JudgeJ · 05/05/2023 17:45

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:49

@kyse that's exactly what I would do and have done. Or I would have just said it to them on Tues morn just said look don't worry but blah blah blah.

I would message your line manager, or higher, and apologise for your error and say it will be rectified asap, that way the manager subtly knows that your nasty colleague has also copied you into her rant, an even bigger error!

TheCatterall · 05/05/2023 17:48

@Ceci03 you do right to now distance yourself from her. What a silly mare!

id have been tempted to post “oh thanks ‘work friend’ for sorting that out, glad it was such a minor thing. Must have taken you longer to post those two messages about it than get it tweaked. ;) “

Id absolutely kill her with kindness. Then work on my secret evil overlord plan to drive her mental and take over the world. Menopause moment… I’m ok now.

and this is why I’m self employed.

JT69 · 05/05/2023 17:50

Don’t give it another thought. She’s shown herself up big time for who she really is and made herself look stupid. Enjoy your long weekend.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 05/05/2023 17:53

Do not offer to discuss with her - she knows what she's done and wants a reaction. Simply ignore, that will grate on her even more

AGailInMyPants · 05/05/2023 17:54

Salvage what's left of your time off, forget about work, and completely ignore her.

I'm guessing that pretty much everyone will have read the first couple of words of her essay and will have thought "oh ffs" and moved onto the next thing. Anyone who actually read the whole thing would think she was batshit and a bitch to boot.

If you really can't bear not to reply, I'm in the 'see you next Tuesday' camp.

TooOldForThisNonsense · 05/05/2023 17:56

How nasty x

could it have been a mistake? I almost sent a message on teams to my whole team yesterday when I only wanted to send it to my manager - nothing bad just a whinge !

Butchyrestingface · 05/05/2023 17:56

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:55

I don't think she's had to do something I've missed before. She's never said anything. She's been away for nearly 4 weeks so I haven't seen that much of her Tbf

Was this something you said you'd do over 4 weeks ago before she went away and she's come back and it's not done?

Not getting at you, just trying to understand if she's exasperated and handling it badly.

Also a bit confused by

I don't I could bear to have the conversation with her. She will gas light me and say things like what do you mean I was just keeping everyone informed and we all make mistakes don't worry about it .

You said in your OP you thought she was a friend yet assume here she's going to gaslight you. Is she actually a frenemy?

Whochangedmynamec · 05/05/2023 18:00

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 05/05/2023 17:14

I had something similar a long time ago - before ‘teams’ was a thing. I was promoted up a level, and a new employee took over my old role. I did a full handover of the job with her, and a couple of weeks later my own manager was in the office when she loudly and pointedly asked him about a particular aspect of my old job, making out I hadn’t fully covered it in the handover. Thankfully I’d given her a brief bullet point aide memoire and had kept my own copy, so the ‘misunderstanding’ as she later referred to it, was cleared up there and then.

She made an absolute fool of herself and in the process let everyone present know exactly what she was - including senior management. My boss was less than impressed at the attempt to throw me under the bus, and she earned herself a one to one with me on line management reporting and speaking up appropriately if she didn’t understand something.

In your own situation, you’ll probably find that your colleagues take a similar view. It’s a blatant attempt to promote her own worth at your expense and if she hasn’t been there long, she’s done a pretty comprehensive job of warning everyone else to steer clear of her. I’d reply to the effect that this minor issue slipped your mind, and while you appreciate her efforts, before correcting any future issues, could she bring them to your/your line managers’ attention in the first instance, as there may be things she needs to be aware of before doing so.

I wouldn’t go to your manager. If they’re a good one, they’ll have seen it all before and recognise it for what it is - it won’t be an issue for you. And if this person is making friendly overtones, step back a bit and ask yourself why she’s keen to befriend a new starter - could it be because she’s thrown others under the same bus and everyone else already knows what she is ? Keep your own counsel and watch her like a hawk !!

I’ve had this in reverse - I was trained up on A- which I couldn’t do because I don’t have excel - by the friendliest trainer. Person b said have you been trained - on B- no I hadn’t. But you’ve had training- A said so. I tried to explain I had been trained on A not B but just sounded like a liar who was trying to throw someone under the bus. I was neither lying nor trying to throw anyone under the bus- I was being factual.

My advice is to say everything in a positive, not negative way- try to create a good working environment and stay away from any accusations unless they are major and backed up by evidence.

Don’t win the battle to lose the war. Be professional, friendly and don’t engage in tit for tat.

RachelGreeneGreep · 05/05/2023 18:04

People who do things like that are similar to those who cc the world and its mother at every possible opportunity, and just succeed in pissing everyone off. Whatever you do, OP, don't go the passive aggressive route, with a response with winks and smiles and all of that, as some posters are suggesting.

Personally, I would maintain a dignified silence, as it's your day off. When you're back, think about the best way to approach it. Chances are that most people have read between the lines and are silently branding her a shit stirrer.