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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown under the bus at work

269 replies

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:39

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

OP posts:
moose62 · 05/05/2023 14:02

I would probably fix the problem on Tuesday and then let her know that you are aware of what she did and ask her why she felt it was necessary?
You don't need to say it is a confrontational way but just so she knows that you are aware.

BeyondMyWits · 05/05/2023 14:03

Life is too short. Message back on teams.

Just a thumbs up... so she knows you are listening.

Then speak to her when you get back. Let her know how you'd like corrections.

Identifyingasadolphin · 05/05/2023 14:06

Take a screenshot (in case she deletes it later)

BillyNoM8s · 05/05/2023 14:07

Absolutely no way I'd ignore this.

I would be responding in line with what others have said above.

Hi so and so, I'm off work today.

Apologies for the oversight in doing XYZ. It's easily resolved, so shouldn't cause too much interference to your working day.

In future, rather than a mass Teams announcement, I'm sure it's preferable to all if such grievances are raised with me directly, and/or my direct supervisor if warranted.

See you next week.

Mars27 · 05/05/2023 14:07

"I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that."

One thing that I always try to stick to it is "colleagues are not friends".
I always try to be nice and polite and create a good work atmosphere around me doing my job to the best of my abilities, but I absolutely don't want to be friends with my colleagues because if a situation like that arises I'll feel awkward to deal with the matter. Obviously if you have worked years and years on a job it's a bit unavoidable, but that's not the case here.

I've got a fair share of dickehads on my team but even the ones I really like I wouldn't want to be friends with them as I see it crossing a line. You've got to be really naïve to think colleagues are friends and will have your back in sticky situations, not throwing you under the bus for minimal stuff (like the situation here).

I wouldn't do anything and ignore it. If someone senior raises the issue with you you then can explain, otherwise it's not worth it. With things like that the person is probably trying to bait you to react. Good luck

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 05/05/2023 14:08

@Ceci03

Really can't trust people like this.

If it was me I would nip her twatting around asap by posting a thumbs up along with a message asking did she mean to put it on the main group?

I'd also say thanks for the heads up. Happy to sort it when I'm bak in

Watch her squirm

youveturnedupwelldone · 05/05/2023 14:09

I'm quite bloody minded and can't be doing with this crap, so I would go to your manager and say that this seems very unprofessional to you, you're new in to the organisation, is that what you can generally expect to happen?

It's been said already, but colleagues are not friends.

CovertImage · 05/05/2023 14:09

Mars27 · 05/05/2023 14:07

"I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that."

One thing that I always try to stick to it is "colleagues are not friends".
I always try to be nice and polite and create a good work atmosphere around me doing my job to the best of my abilities, but I absolutely don't want to be friends with my colleagues because if a situation like that arises I'll feel awkward to deal with the matter. Obviously if you have worked years and years on a job it's a bit unavoidable, but that's not the case here.

I've got a fair share of dickehads on my team but even the ones I really like I wouldn't want to be friends with them as I see it crossing a line. You've got to be really naïve to think colleagues are friends and will have your back in sticky situations, not throwing you under the bus for minimal stuff (like the situation here).

I wouldn't do anything and ignore it. If someone senior raises the issue with you you then can explain, otherwise it's not worth it. With things like that the person is probably trying to bait you to react. Good luck

Maybe this is a you thing. I met a few of my dearest friends at work over the years.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:09

I don't I could bear to have the conversation with her. She will gas light me and say things like what do you mean I was just keeping everyone informed and we all make mistakes don't worry about it . If she knows it was a mean thing to do there's no point saying anything to her. If she's not aware well I can't believe anyone would be that unaware...?

OP posts:
mcmooberry · 05/05/2023 14:12

Please use @SnarkyBag or @Siezethefish message asap. Otherwise the awesome power of the blank. Don't let it spoil your day, she looks ridiculous.

BillyNoM8s · 05/05/2023 14:12

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:09

I don't I could bear to have the conversation with her. She will gas light me and say things like what do you mean I was just keeping everyone informed and we all make mistakes don't worry about it . If she knows it was a mean thing to do there's no point saying anything to her. If she's not aware well I can't believe anyone would be that unaware...?

If you behave like a door mat, you'll be treated like one.

You don't need to have a conversation about it. Just write what others have suggested so she knows her unprofessionalism has been noted.

Managers don't generally have time for this shit but they won't necessarily deal with it if it causes them hassle either. I'd be replying.

CindersAgain · 05/05/2023 14:13

Screenshot it and maybe have a word with your manager about it. I’d frame it as being concerned about her not behaving professionally and it being a bit awkward.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:14

Yeh I'm way too naive at trusting people. But I made a couple of lovely friends at my last job.
I don't want to ignore it but don't want to be "that person" either and bring managers attention to it. I'm hopeless at talking about stuff like this I either get so angry I blurt out something I regret or I start crying . Prob a dignified silence is better for me maybe

OP posts:
Mars27 · 05/05/2023 14:15

@CovertImage like I said, if you have worked years and years in the same place it's a bit unavoidable, but OP has worked there since January, so it's a bit naive to call that person a friend.

It is also going to depend on what sector you work in; some provide more room for camaraderie while others thrive on competition

PollyPeptide · 05/05/2023 14:15

She's rude. She's shown herself up, not you. Trust me, you won't be the first person she's done it to. Everyone there already knows what she's like.
Don't stress over it.

HarlanPepper · 05/05/2023 14:15

That was a real dick move on her part. If a colleague of mine makes a mistake, if it just happens once and it's something minor, I'll correct it myself and move on. If it happens again I'll raise it with them privately but very much in a 'by the way...' sort of manner. I can't imagine any situation where I would feel the need to share it with the whole team, unless it was something everyone was doing wrong.

CornishSlate · 05/05/2023 14:15

As others have said I’d suggest it’s best to actively deal with this, in an appropriate way.
If we worked together I’d suggest approaching your line manager immediately to acknowledge the mistake, how you would plan to rectify it, and raising concerns about how this person has dealt with it. Bring copies of the messages.
Mistakes happen. However a person should never be publicly shamed as this just leads to mistakes not being appropriately dealt with in the future.
Please raise this asap.

trisfreya · 05/05/2023 14:16

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 05/05/2023 14:08

@Ceci03

Really can't trust people like this.

If it was me I would nip her twatting around asap by posting a thumbs up along with a message asking did she mean to put it on the main group?

I'd also say thanks for the heads up. Happy to sort it when I'm bak in

Watch her squirm

i'd do this,

Tinkerbyebye · 05/05/2023 14:16

I would speak to up your manager. She’s a bully

Rainbow1901 · 05/05/2023 14:16

I think I'd kill her with kindness!!

Hey!! Thanks very much for picking up on my oversight! Great to know that we have such a good teamwork ethic!! I'll return the favour some day!!
(and tell everyone else about it!!)

supersonicspeed · 05/05/2023 14:16

What a bitch.

Maraudingmarauders · 05/05/2023 14:17

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:09

I don't I could bear to have the conversation with her. She will gas light me and say things like what do you mean I was just keeping everyone informed and we all make mistakes don't worry about it . If she knows it was a mean thing to do there's no point saying anything to her. If she's not aware well I can't believe anyone would be that unaware...?

It's not about her knowing it was a mean thing to do - of course she knows that. It's about her knowing that YOU won't put up with her using you/putting you down to try and make her look good.
If she comments about keeping people informed just respond with "that wasn't the right forum, please refer it to me or my line manager in future".

HarlanPepper · 05/05/2023 14:17

BillyNoM8s · 05/05/2023 14:07

Absolutely no way I'd ignore this.

I would be responding in line with what others have said above.

Hi so and so, I'm off work today.

Apologies for the oversight in doing XYZ. It's easily resolved, so shouldn't cause too much interference to your working day.

In future, rather than a mass Teams announcement, I'm sure it's preferable to all if such grievances are raised with me directly, and/or my direct supervisor if warranted.

See you next week.

Yes, do this.

ComeOnThenFanny · 05/05/2023 14:21

HarlanPepper · 05/05/2023 14:17

Yes, do this.

Show quote history

I agree with this. Only instead of finishing with "see you next week", I would have to write "see you next Tuesday". But I'm a childish petty bastard 🤣

BillyNoM8s · 05/05/2023 14:22

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:14

Yeh I'm way too naive at trusting people. But I made a couple of lovely friends at my last job.
I don't want to ignore it but don't want to be "that person" either and bring managers attention to it. I'm hopeless at talking about stuff like this I either get so angry I blurt out something I regret or I start crying . Prob a dignified silence is better for me maybe

By all means stay silent but she will do this again and it may ultimately go against you.

I've seen plenty of pricks advance because no one calls them out on their bullshit.

You need to address it. Even if you think it's intimidating. Are you very young? This sort of thing would've made me cry in my early 20s. Now I wouldn't hesitate to speak up.