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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Thrown under the bus at work

269 replies

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:39

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

OP posts:

Cfcbaz · 06/05/2023 22:09

I wouldn't worry about it. If nobody responded then they obviously don't care about it and probably haven't given it a 2nd thought.
I've started a new job, and when anyone makes a mistake that gets noticed (no matter how small), the line manager has a 1-1 discussion about how the mistake happened and then an email goes out to the whole department to highlight it. It's fucking annoying but I'm now used to it now.

Clementinesucks · 06/05/2023 22:19

No one has responded or acknowledged because they think she’s a dick.

Keep your distance going forward.

Id also let your manager know you didn’t think it was appropriate.

k1233 · 06/05/2023 22:23

The way I have dealt with this in the past is to reply to the same message (so everyone sees it). Apologise for the oversight, thank her for resolving when you were away, then request in future could she please discuss directly with you before involving others so that you have the opportunity to resolve minor things like this between yourselves.

JonnyBoy99 · 06/05/2023 23:00

The old approach of a "single dot" post on Teams seems appropriate, meaning that you've read their post but are not reacting unduly to it.

Bex84W · 07/05/2023 00:05

I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all.

You are new to the job and should be given more understanding in this instance. If it were a mistake you made repeatedly then it should be brought up in supervision. This is completely unacceptable and bullying type behaviour. I would speak to your HR department and raise a grievance against her.

In my case it was much worse. A MANAGER sent out an email saying I had made a mistake on some paperwork and she sent it to the whole team. My response? Nothing….
For that is what she deserved as for a manager to deal with a mistake in this manner, well let’s just say toxic managers have toxic teams. I was let go of from the job because I refused to join in with the bullying and kept my head held high. It destroyed my mental health but I wouldn’t change it. I would rather be a good person with flaws than a toxic and fake individual like her.

She even tried to say she was a Christian! What a joke!

stacyvaron · 07/05/2023 02:36

You arent being overly sensitive, that was terrible.

Just quietly rise above it and wait, showing out like that in front of everyone reflected on her, not on you, and it's going to bite her in the end.

Dibbydoos · 07/05/2023 07:17

Wow, what a bitchy thing to do. YANBU she has def shot herself in the foot. She knows everyone will see it inc you, but like you said noones joining in which is good!

When you return to work go see her and ask if she did that task you didn't get round to doing before you went on leave - hoping there are others about when you speak to her - you forgot to let her know you ran out of time and couldn't sort it. If she hasn't done it then say, OK I'm on it now. Hope it didn't cause any probs whilst I've been off.

Then go get your work done.

Stay away from this person, they are not yiur friend and don't know what a team is or does....

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 07/05/2023 08:47

I wouldn't talk to the colleague, but I would mention it on my next one to one with my manager. Doesn't have to be a big deal, but something along the lines of 'I can see that x picked up a mistake I made, it's great it was highlighted, as it means o can put something in place to stop it happening again , but I'm not sure it warranted the public announcement. Would it be possible to put a process in place for a more personal feedback method?'

But I do think Thai reflects badly on her, on one will trust her going forward

JunglePug · 07/05/2023 09:08

Not exactly a team player, your colleague, is she? This must be doubly disappointing for you as you considered her a friend, but I suspect her actions will backfire on her rather than you. As you say, no one else has commented on her post, which speaks volumes. Go into work on Tuesday with your head held high. I'm sure your colleagues will have your back.

Lovecat · 07/05/2023 09:22

OP, I hope you’re OK and enjoying the weekend without obsessing over this nasty piece of work. She's made herself look like an idiot, believe me.

Not quite the same, but many years ago, a graduate trainee was given a task of mine to do when I was on annual leave - it was something that HAD to be done, and because DD was still a baby and I could get a call from her nursery without warning asking me to pick her up (she had a gastric disorder that was still in the process of being investigated so had a lot of random vomits), I had already made very detailed process notes for what was a boring routine task, written in very simple language with screenshots and illustrations so that anyone could pick it up in my absence and run the process.

I came back from leave to find she'd put in a formal complaint about me because my notes were "rubbish" so she hadn't done the process, and I was "obviously incompetent". I was called into the boss's office and told this while she sat there smirking at me.

I smiled, asked if I could bring colleagues A, B and C into this discussion, all of whom had successfully run the process before from my notes, none of whom had prior experience. I said I'd love to know what the difficulties she'd encountered were that she couldn't overcome, so I could improve my notes. I also expressed surprise that she hadn't asked anyone else to clarify anything she couldn't follow.

Turns out the little moo hadn't even bothered to do it because she felt it was beneath her as a graduate...

So keep it pleasant, keep it professional (no matter how much you want to cry and yell) and remember she's the one making herself look bad, not you.

And she's not a friend. She's toxic.

Lovelysausagedogscrumpy · 07/05/2023 11:38

Teateaandmoretea · 06/05/2023 09:08

Is there a chance she has accidentally posted it on the team chat? We’ve had people do that a couple of my team once we’re having a friendly but vaguely heated discussion on there and they thought it was just a chat between them.

They were so embarrassed when someone fairly swiftly pointed it out 😂

I think the OP’ colleague posted twice on teams - once to highlight the mistake to the world and his wife, and the second to inform same that she’d corrected it. Once is an accident, twice is malicious intent !!

Mumofasdgirl11 · 07/05/2023 12:01

Maraudingmarauders · 05/05/2023 13:53

I'd message back on teams and say "hi xxx, thank you for notifying me of the mistake. I'm on leave today but am happy to rectify when I return on Tuesday. In future could I ask that errors are brought to my/my line manager's attention as a first port of call, rather than in an open audience, so I have the opportunity to rectify the error. Thank you, and I'm happy to discuss further on Tuesday"

That way you're showing a professional attitude but also highlighting how unprofessional she is.

This!

ChilledBeez · 07/05/2023 15:17

I wouldn't worry about it at all. It says a lot more about her character than it does your work ability. The fact she has done this in such a public way - knowing full well that you are relatively new on the job will not bode well for her. Just let it go. People in general hate snitches. Even more so when they are grown up adult. Shame on her. I would be cordial with her but watch your back.

Isobel201 · 07/05/2023 16:38

If you were on annual leave why was your work pc or laptop switched on in the first place? You wouldn't have seen the Teams notifications if that was the case? It was still shitty of her to do that though.

T1Dmama · 07/05/2023 18:29

W0tnow · 05/05/2023 13:46

I don’t think you made a mistake really. It was an oversight. Minor. She’s made herself look unbelievably petty.

“Hi colleague, sorry, my bad, it slipped my mind. But it will take you 3 minutes to do xyz if you know what you’re doing. It’s very straightforward. Do you need help?”

100% this

id also screen shot it and complain to manager about what she’s done… it is very unprofessional of her

BanditsOnTheHorizon · 08/05/2023 08:42

OP I hope you have a good manager to pick the colleague up on this and that you don't have a culture of blame on your organisation. I know my boss would take the colleague to task over her public response to this situation. I think it says so much more about her work ethic than yours. We all make mistakes, and this one sounds extremely minor, no one died, the company didn't lose customers or money so her picking it up shouldn't have been warranted an email, maybe a note to you to say she's spotted it.

Silly woman has marked her own cards now as being a tattle tail and not someone to share anything with or involve in anything major.

Nordicrain · 08/05/2023 08:49

She's made herself look like a dick, not you. That's why noone has replied. Don't give it another thought.

Rollonannualeave · 09/05/2023 12:40

What's the latest op?

anon666 · 09/05/2023 17:56

Everyone else will think she's a loon. Why would anyone out themselves as being a total bitch like that? 😩

She's made herself look a lot worse than you, trust me.

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