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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thrown under the bus at work

269 replies

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 13:39

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

OP posts:
YouCould · 06/05/2023 08:18

I bet everyone is thinking she it awful after that message.

NutellaNut · 06/05/2023 08:28

What a bitch. I absolutely love the suggestion of just writing ‘See You Next Tuesday’ and nothing else. Grin Perfect response!

Teateaandmoretea · 06/05/2023 08:32

Well it would be if it wouldn’t land you in a heap of trouble and fuel the daft bint’s drama further.

Mortimercat · 06/05/2023 08:36

Ceci03 · 05/05/2023 14:14

Yeh I'm way too naive at trusting people. But I made a couple of lovely friends at my last job.
I don't want to ignore it but don't want to be "that person" either and bring managers attention to it. I'm hopeless at talking about stuff like this I either get so angry I blurt out something I regret or I start crying . Prob a dignified silence is better for me maybe

Do that, keep a dignified silence. It will show you have greater maturity and professionalism than your colleague. And everybody has already seen this and will have come to their own conclusions, you really don’t even need to point out that you are upset. She has not scored any points here, she has made herself look like a dick.

Teateaandmoretea · 06/05/2023 09:08

Is there a chance she has accidentally posted it on the team chat? We’ve had people do that a couple of my team once we’re having a friendly but vaguely heated discussion on there and they thought it was just a chat between them.

They were so embarrassed when someone fairly swiftly pointed it out 😂

ididntknowthat11 · 06/05/2023 09:46

You only started at the end of January.

You are new.

Nobody will bat an eyelid at a newbie making a mistake.

Very unprofessional of her to write it all out to everybody and that is probably why nobody has responded.

All you need to take from this is that she is not to be trusted.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 06/05/2023 13:15

What a sneaky little c*nt..

MarkWithaC · 06/05/2023 17:48

She's a time-waster and unprofessional. I'd ask for a meeting with your manager and say you're going to put in a complaint about her.

Sillymousse · 06/05/2023 17:58

What a truly unprofessional dick move.

HauntedPencil · 06/05/2023 17:58

That's unprofessional and to be honest will reflect much much worse in her. I would mention this to my manager.

Cracklecrack · 06/05/2023 18:01

Well she’s a knob isn’t she. You’re not being unreasonable .

DadBodAlready · 06/05/2023 18:10

That is a real Dick move. - What ever happened to collaboration, team work and having your teams backs.
This says more about her than you and undermines trust

Gh12345 · 06/05/2023 18:19

No you’re not being unreasonable at all. Mistakes happen as we’re all human. But she deliberately wanted to humiliate you. Trust me it won’t go unnoticed… plus I doubt anyone would be annoyed considering you only started in Jan.

Inertia · 06/05/2023 18:22

I wouldn’t respond- management won’t want to referee a spat over the bank holiday.

You could just sort it as your first task on Tuesday morning and post a reply saying ‘All fixed, thanks Name’ .

Missingpop · 06/05/2023 18:35

Oh dear you’ve learnt that not everyone is friendly; but it looks like everyone has taken it with a pinch of salt; best thing to do on Tuesday is totally ignore her do what you have to do email your direct line manager & say your sorry but have sorted it out.
No harm done & give fishface a wide berth there’s always one kiss arse in every work place she’s put it out there that it’s her x

itsjustju · 06/05/2023 18:46

I wouldn't waste a second worrying about her or what she wrote..nobody commented on her 'essay' for a reason and my guess is that she highlighted a minor error to make herself look more competent, it likely won't be the first time she's done this and it won't be the last time, her head is so far up her own ass that she can't see how petty she looks..don't mistake her for a friend, she's just someone you work with is all..

Violasaremyfavourite · 06/05/2023 18:53

I manage staff. If at all possible, I point out mistakes to staff privately and quietly. I would absolutely mentally mark her card as not a team player and unpleasant to boot. (Like the woman who went around putting little passive aggressive post it notes on computers written as if the computer was asking to be turned off over the weekend to save power.) I would not want to waste further time refereeing a spat between the two of you over teams either. It would require me to perhaps take action and there are very few good outcomes possible in the circumstances. I would adopt a dignified silence if I were you.

Bearsinmotion · 06/05/2023 18:59

It’s refreshing to see this - I have a colleague who behaves in a similar way and it has really dragged me down over the years. Looking back I wish I had called the behaviour out much earlier, it’s much harder to now when she has done it for so long.

mainsfed · 06/05/2023 19:00

She’s made herself look a right prat 😂

Buffs · 06/05/2023 19:06

I expect everyone will see this for what it is - very bad form on her part. Everyone makes mistakes, publicly broadcasting someone else’s is unpleasant.

gillefc82 · 06/05/2023 20:17

My advice would be to screenshot the message and keep a copy, just in case this becomes the start of a pattern of behaviour from this college.

I wouldn’t respond to the message, as I think that would almost be validating her actions. I suspect the reason why no one else has acknowledged or responded to it is because they can see how unprofessional and OTT it is.

Do you have regular 121s with your manager? If so, should they bring it up, just calmly explain it was an small oversight on your part and the first time it’s happened but do mention you were a little taken aback by colleague’s decision to involve the whole team in something easily fixed and something that could have been dealt with through a direct conversation with you.

gillefc82 · 06/05/2023 20:26

And should your colleague raise it with you when you’re back next week, acknowledge the oversight and apologise. Thank her for sorting it in your absence but do say that in future, if there are any issues like that you really would appreciate if she brought them to your directly. That way, you’ve been clear on how you want her to operate with you going forward and you are marking her card about the group Teams message without outright criticising her for what she did. It’s then down to her - if she wants a constructive, positive working relationship with you, she’ll take note. If not, at least you’ll see her for who she is and can work out how to navigate her in the workplace going forward.

DorisDolabella · 06/05/2023 20:39

These are significance hunters. Can only feel significant if it is at the expense of others. I know exactly how you feel but she will never stop if you don't do something l. Firstly this repeated behaviour could be called bullying or harassment. You could report her especially if she carries on so you might want to keep your powder dry and keep notes and evidence. I had a colleague who would continually point out how untidy my desk was when a senior manager was around. I called her out on it calmly but firmly when he had left the room. I pointed out it wasn't the first time. I said the paper on my desk was work, which it was, my role was different and involved loads of paper. I was so proud of myself as for once I was calm and didn't let her rattle me. She stopped doing it and we remained friendly. Be assertive or keep evidence and report her. The assertive approach was more successful for me on this occasion but depends on the personalities involved and culture.

darksideofthemooncup · 06/05/2023 20:46

I got loudly and unfairly thrown under the bus by a colleague at work on Thursday. Not the first time and won't be the last time as he is an over-promoted immature dickhead that just happens to be related to the CEO.
Unfortunately his behaviour has been allowed to continue but everyone knows what he is like (including the CEO) so there is always a lot of eye rolling. It's hard not to let it get to you but like others have said, either keep a dignified silence or bring it up in the most professional way you can and move on. Try not to let it ruin your weekend (she says whilst still seething about my work situation!)

Hmm1234 · 06/05/2023 21:16

Taking a screenshot is taking steps way too far. I remember my manager trying to do this to me on teams with how long I’d been away from the computer! Lol I had to nip it in the bud and email to stop stalking me. You should address it by email and cc manager.