Thrown under the bus at work

[Ceci03]

So am I being over sensitive. I'll try to make it short. Started new job end Jan. It's been hard learning new software and processes mostly left to my own devices. Little to zero training. Expected to pick things up from others on the team when they are v busy.

Anyway am on leave today but forgot to turn off my teams notifications. A colleague put up a very long message basically explaining to everyone (everyone is on this chat even people not in our team and all the managers) that I made a mistake. She adds a screenshot where I said I would do something but forgot . She explains how she is sorting it out. Which would take her a couple of minutes. It would
Have taken her longer to write out the essay/message on teams than fix it for today and message me privately so I can finish sorting it or talk to me on Tuesday.
I'm so upset. And obviously morto . I made a mistake and I'm sorry of course and I want to fix it. It's not a major thing it's easily sorted I'll just do it first thing on Tues and apologize.
Nobody has commented or replied to her message which makes me wonder are they a bit wtf has she written all
That out on teams. I'm hoping the rest of the team know me enough to know I try v hard and want to do a good job.
I thought this person was a friend. I would never do that. Put it so public and screenshot it .
Aibu

Yeah but then she created extra work writing an essay in teams!

I think I would point out that it must have taken her longer to write the post than to fix the mistake
And also that, Yes we all make mistakes but have you noticed how no one else feels the need to write about other peoples errors.

Think your mistake was posting an essay on someone else’s mistake. Did you notice how no one replied. …You live and learn

I would definitely do this!

It reflects badly on her. It’s not professional at all. People will be very wary of her now. Do you get on with line manager. I’d be tempted to speak to them and say what you’re saying here. It was an oversight, take few mins to correct and not handled appropriately by colleague.

Very unprofessional. In our office, we talk directly to each other if we've made a mistake so we can rectify it and if it's something big or we can't rectify it we talk to the person to let them know we have to go to management. It works well and there is no friction. I'd be upset too, hope you're okay x

Think of it this way: if there's ever a dispute between you (eg bullying), you can point to this incident as the start of it all.

OP I hope just reading the reaction of everyone on here will make you realise how your colleagues will have had the same reaction. Personally, I would bring it up with my manager but in a light-hearted/jokey way but let them know you felt embarrassed to be called out in front of everyone. Psychological safety is so important at work, it should feel safe to make mistakes as that's how we learn (obviously there are limits when it comes to being negligent or if you work in healthcare or something, but small little mistakes like the one you describe are just a part of being human).

I wonder if she feels threatened by you? Which may be why she made best buddies with you in the first place. What an arsehole.

I'd keep my reply low drama.

Thanks for sorting that out, x. Pls don't hesitate to just remind me directly about anything I miss and I'll be happy to look after it of course. Hope you all have a great weekend.

I was going to suggest exactly that. Perfect opportunity to take advantage of the Bank Holiday!

Your colleague sounds like a total cow.

OP said it was something so minor that in the time it took her colleague to type out the whole teams accusation, it would have been fixed.

My colleague forgets things on her day off, so I'll sort it. Same with me. A supervisor might ask her for a report I was supposed to print and forgot about so she'll just run it off and let me know so I don't produce another copy when I get in... she's not running to management for a pat on the head.

Omg please do this one!!

Oh whatever. I think this is such minor crap.

I've had a parent recently commit suicide, and I've watched my brother suffer from cancer.

This has to be the most minor problem in the history of problems on mumsnet. Op needs to get a grip

She’s really shown herself up there. What a mean spirited cow!

I wouldn’t engaged with her at all. Mistakes happen.

But please 🙏🏼 switch off your notifications. They will take over your life & perhaps they have for her.

If you do respond definitely use something like this. Sounds like a mountain has already been made out of a molehill, no need to escalate further.

Well quite. I find it bizarre that someone needs validation for completing a minor task, even of it is mildly inconvenient.

Is this the whole Gen Z "if it's not in my job description I'm not doing" perspective that I keep seeing people parody on social media? I don't work in the UK and haven't for some time. Not sure I want to come back if this is the level of pettiness in your average office.

Truly puzzled that people are bitching about routine errors in large messaging groups. Do people not know how to IM individuals?

I get really fucked off when I'm endlessly copied in on things I don't need to see.

I totally get you OP. I joined a new company a few years ago which I loved but I after a couple of years of being absolutely gas lit the crap out of by somebody. There were so many horrid little behaviours, but each one individually seemed far too small to raise, and like you, I know if I did they would be easily dismissed as this person" just being helpful" or "just ensuring everything is ticking along".

One of the many things they did was to sometimes send really overly formal emails to me about incredibly minor things, and worst of all, it would often after my initial training period be things that they had misinterpreted, overlooked, or anticipated that I wouldn't have done when I actually had. So they made me look really bad, and I would often read them with such acute frustration, but decided the best way to tackle this behaviour was to just ignore them completely and grey rock them, so I stopped responding to those particular emails.

One day they made the mistake of sending one of these emails from the shared mailbox instead of from their personal account. It turns out they were blind copying in a whole chain of managers trying to make me look bad, and I realised that they had almost certainly been doing this every single time.

I can't believe how underhanded they turned out to be and I found confronting the issue and raising it to be the only solution. I'm very lucky though that I got a new better role, but honestly I'm just writing this because I understand exactly what position you are in. I can assure you that this behaviour is noticed and looked down upon, and as long as you can point it out in a calm and professional manner, I would raise this with your line manager.

I doesn't actually matter her excuses about how she was "just helping" etc, the point is how her conduct made you feel. I'm also like you and can get really upset and teary at any conflict or particularly when I feel that things are unfair, so I benefitted from putting my thoughts in writing. I hope you do get it sorted, it's horrible working for people who think the way to get ahead is to put others down rather than shine in their own right.

This ☝️

You're on a huge learning curve, so stay professional and just be wary of her in future. 😉

There's always at least one like this in every workplace, and you now know who it is at yours.🙄

Respectfully, if you're this sensitive, perhaps AIBU is not the place for you.

Is no one allowed to have a bad day because Mooshamoo has experienced trauma?

We've all got shit going on. Some have had it far worse than you.

Sorry you've been going through it but that doesn't mean other people can't complain about their own lives. The title of this thread was quite clear it was about work.

Op, my colleague is like this and it really reflects badly on her. It's a shame as she's fairly good at her job but her communication skills are so poor and has rubbed everyone up the wrong way with similar things like you have said. Granted if anyone actually spotted it/cared, they would be feeling bad for you but also thinking she's being really petty. Most people are caught up in their own shit!

@Mooshamoo jeez - im sorry you have been through loads but Mumsnet is for all to post. Why did you even bother taking the time to critique the OP? If you dont like it, just post elsewhere

At least you know what to get her for Secret Santa this year, a dinner bell, so she can follow you around ringing it and yelling 'Shame.......Shame'.

I had something similar a long time ago - before ‘teams’ was a thing. I was promoted up a level, and a new employee took over my old role. I did a full handover of the job with her, and a couple of weeks later my own manager was in the office when she loudly and pointedly asked him about a particular aspect of my old job, making out I hadn’t fully covered it in the handover. Thankfully I’d given her a brief bullet point aide memoire and had kept my own copy, so the ‘misunderstanding’ as she later referred to it, was cleared up there and then.

She made an absolute fool of herself and in the process let everyone present know exactly what she was - including senior management. My boss was less than impressed at the attempt to throw me under the bus, and she earned herself a one to one with me on line management reporting and speaking up appropriately if she didn’t understand something.

In your own situation, you’ll probably find that your colleagues take a similar view. It’s a blatant attempt to promote her own worth at your expense and if she hasn’t been there long, she’s done a pretty comprehensive job of warning everyone else to steer clear of her. I’d reply to the effect that this minor issue slipped your mind, and while you appreciate her efforts, before correcting any future issues, could she bring them to your/your line managers’ attention in the first instance, as there may be things she needs to be aware of before doing so.

I wouldn’t go to your manager. If they’re a good one, they’ll have seen it all before and recognise it for what it is - it won’t be an issue for you. And if this person is making friendly overtones, step back a bit and ask yourself why she’s keen to befriend a new starter - could it be because she’s thrown others under the same bus and everyone else already knows what she is ? Keep your own counsel and watch her like a hawk !!

If the managers are on the chat then you have nothing to say, they already know. Don’t worry about it. I’d also think worse of her than you. She’s done it a second time as she wants validation, the ignoring her is killing her. So just ignore, say nothing at work, if you’re asked, say something like yes, very odd behaviour, if she’d messaged I’d have sorted it. Shrug and move on, but if you aren’t asked don’t raise it at all. As that’s what shouts she’s a twat the loudest,

I actually don't think it's that minor either. Working with these kinds of people who are relentlessly intent on making others look and feel like they are doing poorly at work can cost people their jobs. Most of us aren't working just for the hell of it - that's someone's livelihood you're messing with. Awful behaviour.