Am I ruining one of the best moments of my life?

[Bloppity]

Found out some unbelievably amazing news today. I may as well have won the lottery.

So I live with Dan who told me the amazing news seconds after learning about it. Together we called Wendy (family member) who is also on cloud 9. Lovely conversation over the phone together and as a group we decide we will celebrate over the Bank Holiday. Toby is due to arrive tonight and it is agreed noone will tell him the good news as Dan wants to share himself in person. Wendy asks to be on phone when Toby is called. Fine. Amazing. I agree with Dan that I will cook a nice meal to celebrate.

So tonight I see Dan and Toby pull onto drive. Both know I have cooked a meal, they then proceed to sit on drive for 15 mins. Fine whatever. I could have gone to see what was up but the drive is a bit dodgy at night (steep steps) and surely they'll be out any sec. Surely.

Anyway, mid meal it comes out that bloody Toby already knows. Dan, Wendy and Toby were apparently on a call in the car when he found out. Wendy had explicitly asked to be on the phone when he was told. I assumed it would be done all together.

Am I crazy for being incredibly hurt? I know it's not my news but I have sacrificed A LOT to get Dan to this position l. But so has everyone mentioned to be fair.

Wendy is a bit if a control freak but is a wonderful person also.

My head knows not to be pissed but I'm incredibly hurt and angry. May or may not have left meal mid way through. Have also run out of anti anxiety meds which is not helping I'm sure

Hope you could follow that.

Still happy but pissed off. Had a bunch of annoying things happen whilst cooking also - broken glass, hoover bunged up etc.

Head v heart*

I’m baffled, apologies.

But congrats. Don’t let this spoil the good news.

??????????????

Oh dear, not sure how to simplify.

You were left out of the sharing of Dan’s good news, and you feel the agreement to be part of joyfully telling Toby was taken away?

I have no idea what has actually happened between all these people.

But I’m really curious to know what your good news was!

You wanted to announce the good news and see the reaction but you've been beaten to the punch

Surely this "as good as winning the lottery" news can't be marred by anything if it's that good?

@SarahDippity yes

I can understand being hurt and annoyed but I would probably just let it go and enjoy the evening and the good news.

So Dan is going to Oxford on a scholarship / picked to captain Wales in the rugby / being blasted into space - and you are ruining his joy because he dared to share his happy news with someone important to him without you there. YABU. Get a grip and be a better person.

Let me get this right: Dan receives some good news. For you, despite it not being your news, it feels like winning the lottery. You are “incredibly hurt and angry” because Dan chooses to tell his friend Toby without you present, and therefore you abandon the celebratory dinner half way through.

Is that correct? If so, you’re probably not the great friend to Dan that you think you are. Sounds like you’re a drama llama and upset that you didn’t get a front row seat to tonight’s drama with Toby.

Trust me I know it's selfish but I just can't help my feelings. Hopefully wake up on the right side of bed.

I think you are being a bit crazy to let this get you down.

It was Dan's good news and he told Toby, you weren't there when he was told, but surely you still get to be happy about whatever the good news was - it doesn't take away from the 'good thing' and is adding unnecessary drama to a joyful occasion for Dan (I think).

Was it good medical results?

This is nuts OP.

You stomped off because someone told someone else their own news, without you present

You're being a knob.

What you need to do is apologise. And get over yourself.

Normal person reaction would be "isn't it great news Toby. I'm so happy for/proud of Dan".

What the moo is that all about

News is related to health :)

It's not directly to do with me but marks the end of a hellish 15 years.

Very blessed.

So your son has got into Oxford or Cambridge and he were the greatest support throughout his education. Now he has shared this news with other family members, such as his dad from whom you are separated and who has done bugger all to encourage your son's education?

Sleep well tonight in the knowledge that you and your child both know that you were the driving force behind his or her new adventures. Huge congratulations. No matter what has been achieved!

So I'm very afraid of being clocked. But I did donate something significant to Dan (not everyone would or could in my position) but I'm just ecstatic for Dan. And glad this news has finally come.

Thanks to posters who have sent congratulations 🎊

Is it possible that your feelings are related to the complexity of having been through the trauma of the health issues so even though they’re now hopefully over, you’re perhaps still dealing with the process of letting it go?

On the surface I’d say you’re being unreasonable, but I expect it’s multilayered if it’s something that was traumatic previously vs just plain good ‘winning lottery’ type news. Hope you feel better soon.

Based on your last post, I can guess why you might be struggling with complex feelings. It’s not wrong to feel them, but maybe take some calm time to yourself to work it through. Long term, perhaps even counselling? It’s a lot to go through.

You gave dan your kidney?

@AlphabetSue I'm sure you've hit the nail on the head. Often articulate the last 15 years as death by a million papercuts.