Am I ruining one of the best moments of my life?

[Bloppity]

Found out some unbelievably amazing news today. I may as well have won the lottery.

So I live with Dan who told me the amazing news seconds after learning about it. Together we called Wendy (family member) who is also on cloud 9. Lovely conversation over the phone together and as a group we decide we will celebrate over the Bank Holiday. Toby is due to arrive tonight and it is agreed noone will tell him the good news as Dan wants to share himself in person. Wendy asks to be on phone when Toby is called. Fine. Amazing. I agree with Dan that I will cook a nice meal to celebrate.

So tonight I see Dan and Toby pull onto drive. Both know I have cooked a meal, they then proceed to sit on drive for 15 mins. Fine whatever. I could have gone to see what was up but the drive is a bit dodgy at night (steep steps) and surely they'll be out any sec. Surely.

Anyway, mid meal it comes out that bloody Toby already knows. Dan, Wendy and Toby were apparently on a call in the car when he found out. Wendy had explicitly asked to be on the phone when he was told. I assumed it would be done all together.

Am I crazy for being incredibly hurt? I know it's not my news but I have sacrificed A LOT to get Dan to this position l. But so has everyone mentioned to be fair.

Wendy is a bit if a control freak but is a wonderful person also.

My head knows not to be pissed but I'm incredibly hurt and angry. May or may not have left meal mid way through. Have also run out of anti anxiety meds which is not helping I'm sure

Hope you could follow that.

Still happy but pissed off. Had a bunch of annoying things happen whilst cooking also - broken glass, hoover bunged up etc.

You sound like a wonderful person who has had a very hard road.

Your hurt was understandable but Dan is a good person, so today you have been able to apply a less emotional spin on things.

Enjoy this good news and hold the moment close.

You deserve it.

I think giving the relationships between the people in this situation would give posters a clearer picture.

I’d guess:
Op and Dan (a couple living together)

Wendy is a family member so (Dan’s mum?)

Toby (Dan’s brother)

I can totally understand why Dan’s mum might blurt out the news to her son Toby without Dan’s gf being present. She already knows the news?

None of the family have a monopoly on the good news- it’s theirs to share how they wish.
No one here has to be possessive of Dan and how he interacts with family members.

Congratulations OP. You sound like a nice person who needed a win! I’m so pleased for you all, enjoy

No they were assholes. Not so much Dan but he woman. In my head it’s; you gave him a kidney or some such thing and I’m assuming you care deeply for him like maybe he’s your brother or best friend. Therefore (as was agreed) you tell Toby (who in my head is Dan’s beloved partner) together so you can all share in the joy.

you were pivotal so being shunted aside seems like social rejection of sorts. And also why should the other woman be part of the joy when you weren’t.

what’s done is done but you are not being unreasonable. Do move past it though as I’m sure they’re not excluding you for any reason, Dan was probably desperate to tell Toby and naggy-inserts-herself just ensured she got a look in by bugging him enough. You seem more of a don’t ruffle feathers kinda person from your post - might be a good idea to start demanding more for yourself. For instance, you made them a meal…they knew this…they rudely sat in the car not coming in (fair enough Dan was excited)…you didn’t go down because the driveway is steep…? You could have waved out a door or called on their phones? And you’re upset but haven’t said anything, just gone to mumsnet. Maybe just even a OHhhh I’m so disappointing I thought we were going to tell Toby together?! In a calm half jokey was would have alerted them to their rudeness without making a fuss over it.

enjoy your good news. Don’t let this ruin it. Just be the one to put yourself first next time! You’re worth it.

congratulations!

He was excited not he woman

Sorry op, just read your very rational and level headed update.
I guess you built up this moment in your head and wanted it to play out like the closing scene in a feel good movie?

Life isn’t like that- it’s spoiling your ability to enjoy a moment because there’s far too much pressure for it to be perfect.

Glad you’ve calmed down now and sorry you’re feeling a bit sheepish! Emotions were running high.
Wishing you all well x

OP you sound so lovely and I totally understand why you were upset. Enjoy the great news and but a lottery ticket 😃 I hope you win!

buy*

This, but I do understand, like if it’s your DH’s career and you’ve been a SAHM in order to support him and now you don’t get to share in this part of his success, I get it. But this is one of those rare occasions that I will use the phrase “put on your big girl pants” because you need to be the bigger woman here.

Just make sure you tell @XelaM first 🤣

Oh dear - I just think this is really unfortunate timing rather than attempting to cut you out of the conversation. I hope you can move on and rejoice in this wonderful outcome

Most certainly 🤩

I thought your post was going to be one of those spam posts...have you heard the good news?

Dan's been made a Partner?

Did you donate a kidney? 😂

Hope the good news isn't that you've got a publishing contract

Good health to all of you and enjoy your good fortune.

Is Dan your partner?

If anyone is in the Berks area going through a tough time and could use an errand runner pls DM. I just want to share my good fortune.

That’s very kind of you OP.

It is very easy to get overwhelmed when something good has finally come your way and we cannot always control our emotions.

My only advice is to try and sleep on things before reacting (obviously very much easier said than done).

You're like 19, right, and you all went to private school together, yah?

Stop watching Made in Chelsea.

Whoops, soz, should have read the rest of OP's contributions before posting. Mea culpa.

I would be horrified to think that were I to receive good health news people would be talking about it/ treating it in this way.

Oooo you genius! I think your right x

OP - to answer your original question, you've not spoiled anything.

I understanding you've been dreaming/imagining this moment - never knowing if it would come - and were bursting to squeeze the joy and be PART OF THE JOY of the exact moment you were able to tell Toby that Dan is 'saved' - especially as you have been so instrumental in the saving and have clearly trod a hard path for fifteen years.

But

It's not a moment of joy - it's a future of joy, and you are very VERY much part of that. Congratulations.

Whatever it is, congratulations op. 15 years must have been like wading though treacle with concrete boots on (I have chronic health issues myself). Try not to dwell on the current issue and think about all the wonderful plans you can now make. Good luck.

If I won I wouldn’t tell anyone

This is interesting OP.

Guys hospital renal dept undertook a recent study to look at how kidney donors felt after the operation had taken place.

It was found that people who donated anonymously felt much more positive about the whole experience than those who donated a family members or friends.

I wondered if this is because the donors projected outcome is exactly what they predict if they don't know who got their kidney whereas donating to friends/family the outcome is evident.

My mum donated her kidney to my DB1 & when that stopped working my DB2 donated his kidney & also my XDH's mum donated her kidney to XDH & when that stopped working DS donated his kidney to his Dad.

Interestingly neither fathers of those needing kidneys offered to donate at all.