AIBU to be upset by these complaints against me?

[Govangirl]

Hi all. This has only happened within the past 5-6 hours, so still very fresh and a bit emotional about it.

I work with students and we hold a debating event every month or so. As it’s designed as a deliberative space, the icebreaker has to set the tone for the evening, and so for the past 6 events we’ve played a kind of “devils advocate” game wherein they pull clearly controversial opinions out of hats, and the “goal” is to debate this from both sides (equally if possible, though not always). This allows them to see things from different perspectives, and also encourages them to get into the deliberative, debating mindset.

Anyway (sorry for the waffle!) today we were joined by 2 new students, who had issues from the start. They said the lights were too bright (we dimmed them) and that the microphones were too loud (we lowered the volume and offered them ear protectors). I’m neurotypical myself so completely understand that these can negatively impact people. When the icebreaker was played, they called me over as the facilitator and explained that they would not be participating as they had fundamentally disagreed with the first prompt. They both trauma dumped excessively while not letting me get a word in edgeways, and then accused me of being racist, homophobic, and ableist because I had written out the prompts. I explained (or tried to) that it was MEANT to be controversial, and the aim was to get them to understand diff perspectives etc. but they were having none of it. They said they’d be making complaints about me, and I showed them how to access the feedback form for the event and gave my name when required.

They seemed to really enjoy the rest of the debate and got quite animated and engaged, which is why I suppose I guessed they wouldn’t make the complaint. They also both thanked me for hosting at the end.

I got home and got a message from my manager, letting me know that there have been 2 complaints filed on the feedback form. I have access to this and have read both, and they are utter b*llocks. Accusations of the above, of course, but also allegations that I mocked them for being abused, I forced them to actively discriminate against other students, they weren’t given an option not to participate, really vile, UNTRUE things.

I’ve only been at this job for 8 months, and it’s my first job out of uni. I love this job, and I’ve only ever received positive feedback and praise so this has really knocked my confidence. The allegations are plainly untrue, and I’m hoping that my manager will see through that, as they’re both known to be “difficult students”, though of course that doesn’t mean they’re inherently liars (but in this case their recanting of the event is inaccurate). My speciality at work is Equality, Diversity, and Inclusions, so I know that I wasn’t doing any of the things they’ve accused me of, I guess I’m just worried that maybe I’m being unreasonable for being so upset.

I will say, what amused me somewhat (for lack of better word) was that these were white British students who have accused me, a WOC, of racism and discriminatory behaviour.

Huge wall of text, so apologies for that. But AIBU for being concerned about these complaints? Do you think it will negatively affect my appraisals etc to have 2 “strikes” as it were against me for this specific alleged behaviour when I’m the designated expert in ED&I in the workplace?

TIA x

She wasn't. She was bemused that white people were accusing a POC of being racist towards other POC.

Read her posts. She clarifies this.

@Hobbi Your last comment that Adjoa Andoh was not racist but bigoted by saying the Buckingham Palace balcony was terribly white is a perfect example of the victim card that is played by some persons. I wonder if you would still think that or say it if anyone said that a POC was “terribly black”. Of course you wouldnt as any reasonable person would know that both comments are racist and not acceptable in any way. It is definitely not bigoted just because a POC said them. There needs to be an open acknowledgment and acceptance that racism affects all persons of colour and race not just POC.

Except she said the balcony was terribly white so it's a false equivalence. She didn't say Charles was terribly white so why equate it with saying a POC is terribly black?

A real analogy would be saying a state function /balcony ceremony/ballroom in Tanzania is terribly black.

Which yes, would be just as daft and ill advised as the original comment.

@AngryGreasedSantaCatcus @Hobbi. Both comments are racist and it is disingenuous of you to claim that if a POC makes them it’s bigotry but in turn if a white person says them it’s racist. The real issue is the unwillingness by some to accept that racism can and does affects ALL people the world over. Not just a POC. It’s a sad fact of life but true.

Again you are deliberately missing the distinction. Racism comes from a position of power and privilege. Bigotry is an unfortunate feature of human nature.

Also as Adjoa Andoh then went on to comment:
“I am also looking at those younger generations and thinking “What are the nuances that they will inhabit when they grow”.
it is not a false equivalence and indigenous of you or anyone else to claim that this was only bigotry when it quite an openly racist comment about the Royal Family and their young children.
Racism can be directed at all persons of colour and race including white people.

You made a false analogy(no idea if deliberately or not, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt).Repeating the same thing over and over again doesn't change that.

Repeating yourself also doesn't make your opinion fact or change the definition of words.

I'm from EE so I've experienced A LOT of bigotry,prejudice and xenophobia in the past 14 years. However, I have never experienced racism.

That was not racism. It was stupid, but it wasn't racism.

Honestly it sounds like they were looking for something to complain about. The topics all seem quite inoffensive & you had members of staff and TA's to support the event.

Maybe ask for a resolution meeting with your manager there. The manager signed the debate topics off.

Unfortunately students have a lot of power to undermine staff. I think historically this wasn't the case which was also wrong - but it's swung too far the other way.

Do you have any students who you know enjoy the event who would give some positive feedback?

Do you know how ridiculous you sound? Of course you do.

@Famzonhol It is sad that some persons on this thread are denying white people can and do experience racism. That is a type of ingrained racism in itself as is the denial Adjoa Andoh was openly racist against the Royal Family and their children purely because of the colour of their skin. The holocaust occurred against Jewish white people.

Explain the racism please.

The holocaust didn’t ‘occur’. Jews were murdered by white people.

Strictly speaking racism, as defined by the Oxford dictionary, is the belief in the superiority of a particular race.
To be a “victim” of racism, a white person would have to be considered inferior by another race.
This doesn’t happen to white people in the UK.
I don’t think the royal family was being considered inferior due to their skin colour on the balcony, do you? So they’re not “victims” of racism then.

I don't think you know what OCCUR means.

Also, some jews are white people. Some aren't. Jews can be any colour.

@shammalammadingdong I beg to differ.

If I, as a white person, said the complete opposite commenting that a group of black people were 'terribly black' there would be uproar. I would be slammed and called rascist relentlessly.
The 'stupid' comment (as well as it being racist) was actually made by Adjoa Andoh. No one randomly picked a group of white people and stuck them on the balcony - they are all members of one family. Your family is your family - whom you can't pick and choose based on current PC principles.
In fact, the all white line up would have not been an all white line up if a certain Meeeghan Markle and her two kids had attended. Trouble is she's far too busy calling everyone else racist, and far too lazy to be a working Royal. There might also have been the possibility that she'd have got booed to oblivion which may also have put her off attending!
So Ms Andoh, it's fact check time, the family are not all 'terribly white', in fact it was Ms Markle's (et al) non attendance that caused the line up to look the way it did.

They were all one family and you can't choose who is on your family? That's nonsense though, isn't it?
OK so Charles and William, pale and royal by blood. But they have wives, that they chose freely. You CAN in fact pick and choose your spouse, and they can be any colour you like!

Harry's children look as white as their cousins do, even though they have one black grandparent, their prescence wouldn't have made it look terribly diverse.

She said the balcony looked terribly white. Your response is "well if people who weren't there were there it would be less white" ...well so what, if my aunt had wheels she'd be a bicycle.

You're also failing to notice everyone else who was there, pale Edward and the white wife he chose to have white children with. Princess Anne and her white husband. The Duke and Duchess of Gloucester, super white. SEVEN young pages, all white, The Queens ladies of attendance, all white.

So tell us again how all of those people just have to be white and couldn't possibly be a bit more diverse?

Are you suggesting the Royal Family should be picking their spouses based on race?

What a stupid post, they’re a family of white people and they have presumably chosen their spouses based on factors like - they were the person they fell in love with. I think the coronation was a load of crap but pointing out that the balcony was terribly white like they didn’t have a very progressive diversity policy for their family and pals is just inane. They may well all be racist - i don’t know - but complaining that they’re white people is an irrelevance. What were they supposed to do, hire some extras in.

Obviously not. I'm suggesting (stating as fact, actually) that the notion that "they are all one family and you can't choose that family" is entirely incorrect, and in fact ludicrous.

You can choose spouses for any reason you want. You can't however claim that you had no control at all over what colour your spouse is, as the PP claimed.

It's statistically normal and expected for white rich people to marry other white rich people. But it wasn't a requirement.

This doesn’t happen to white people in the UK.

Irish people were victims of institutional and social racism in UK for years, it only petered out in very recent times, maybe since 1990s. Any older Irish person could tell your horror stories and when I was younger it would have been in me to feel that I would have been treated as an inferior if I went there. Thankfully thats not the case at all, I don't live in UK but have family there and they have never experienced this. Its actually quite frustrating when I read comments like this.

It may not be “racism” but it’s some kind of “ism” and it’s on the increase. Those kids were harrassing and the OP with the intention of intimidating and humiliating her into submission by weaponising their own “isms”

Well, I'm going to have to adopt the trans lobby's 'no debate' stance too. Blokes use the blokes toilets. End of. Time to move on.

Blokes use the blokes toilets

no idea what this means.