AIBU to be upset by these complaints against me?

[Govangirl]

Hi all. This has only happened within the past 5-6 hours, so still very fresh and a bit emotional about it.

I work with students and we hold a debating event every month or so. As it’s designed as a deliberative space, the icebreaker has to set the tone for the evening, and so for the past 6 events we’ve played a kind of “devils advocate” game wherein they pull clearly controversial opinions out of hats, and the “goal” is to debate this from both sides (equally if possible, though not always). This allows them to see things from different perspectives, and also encourages them to get into the deliberative, debating mindset.

Anyway (sorry for the waffle!) today we were joined by 2 new students, who had issues from the start. They said the lights were too bright (we dimmed them) and that the microphones were too loud (we lowered the volume and offered them ear protectors). I’m neurotypical myself so completely understand that these can negatively impact people. When the icebreaker was played, they called me over as the facilitator and explained that they would not be participating as they had fundamentally disagreed with the first prompt. They both trauma dumped excessively while not letting me get a word in edgeways, and then accused me of being racist, homophobic, and ableist because I had written out the prompts. I explained (or tried to) that it was MEANT to be controversial, and the aim was to get them to understand diff perspectives etc. but they were having none of it. They said they’d be making complaints about me, and I showed them how to access the feedback form for the event and gave my name when required.

They seemed to really enjoy the rest of the debate and got quite animated and engaged, which is why I suppose I guessed they wouldn’t make the complaint. They also both thanked me for hosting at the end.

I got home and got a message from my manager, letting me know that there have been 2 complaints filed on the feedback form. I have access to this and have read both, and they are utter b*llocks. Accusations of the above, of course, but also allegations that I mocked them for being abused, I forced them to actively discriminate against other students, they weren’t given an option not to participate, really vile, UNTRUE things.

I’ve only been at this job for 8 months, and it’s my first job out of uni. I love this job, and I’ve only ever received positive feedback and praise so this has really knocked my confidence. The allegations are plainly untrue, and I’m hoping that my manager will see through that, as they’re both known to be “difficult students”, though of course that doesn’t mean they’re inherently liars (but in this case their recanting of the event is inaccurate). My speciality at work is Equality, Diversity, and Inclusions, so I know that I wasn’t doing any of the things they’ve accused me of, I guess I’m just worried that maybe I’m being unreasonable for being so upset.

I will say, what amused me somewhat (for lack of better word) was that these were white British students who have accused me, a WOC, of racism and discriminatory behaviour.

Huge wall of text, so apologies for that. But AIBU for being concerned about these complaints? Do you think it will negatively affect my appraisals etc to have 2 “strikes” as it were against me for this specific alleged behaviour when I’m the designated expert in ED&I in the workplace?

TIA x

How can she adjust things any more?! The debate topics are already so wimpy that tbh even at age 10 I would have found them boring. She let them dictate the lighting levels in the class. She's allowed them to follow her and harrass her and make racist and inflammatory taunts. Honestly it was hard enough teaching malicious, manipulative, sneaky teenagers like this 20 years ago but if we expect teachers just to put up with it and gaslight themselves every time a child decideds to cause problems for them then there'll be nobody left to teach these little creeps soon. It's pathetic and I'm genuinely terrified of the horrible, toxic environment that my own dd is going to have to go to school in

I'm afraid that this kind of behaviour is par for the course atm. There seems to be in our society, the perpetually offended. It seems that our youngsters,or at the least some seem to have a veneer of the downtrodden and misunderstood. And nowhere is more infected than our institutes of learning. You cant say something without being accused of some ism. And you cant have a rational debate because your opinion differs from the set narrative. At some point , common sense has got to prevail. Otherwise as a nation, we will never again find our nation one that has pride in our great achievements over hundreds of years, rather than the shame we are all to feel for history that is all countries history. Wherever you are from, there is also all these isms. We are not unique in that

This is a really unpleasant and mean-spirited post. Did you realise op was a real person, in her first year of teaching, passionate about her job and scared of the outcome of this complaint?

Nobody could read op's updates and feel that these teens are anything more than trouble-causing agitators who either enjoy making trouble for their own reasons, or (being charitable) genuinely believe they are right because they've bought into their own entitlement and specialness.

I was with you until you described yourself as a POC.

This says it all really.

It's not entirely clear whether being a POC is where the OP went wrong, or describing herself that way to explain the context of the complaint against her. But it's still pretty shocking that people think it's ok to be openly racist on mn.

I would sack you - you should be inclusive and work with the people you have. All personalities etc.

I disagree that teachers should have to put up with racism and malicious complaints or be sacked.

The original post is clearly one that shows the OP is someone acting in good faith and trying to be inclusive. This will be obvious to many readers. There are a multitude of reasons as to why a reader might misinterpret this, this does not mean either the poster is wrong, or the reader is wrong. It's just a misunderstanding.

Discrimination is ever present in society, and we need to change this. Change won't come about by assuming people's intentions. I endlessly come across people, when provided with evidence that someone wasn't being sexiest, racist, ablest, transphobic etc. that the anger remains due to the person having not 'educated themselves' had they done this, they would have been more sensitive. We actually know a lot about effective education, and making people feel bad about themselves for not knowing something isn't a good starting point!

We all also need to be open minded and accept that there is a difference between material reality and subjective experience. The facts of the OP can be established, the thoughts, feelings and motivations can't. Theories such as critical race theory, and others that highlight power and oppression, are just theories. Drawing upon them and using them to make sense of the world is fine - we just need to remember that not everyone else will see it the same way. They may disagree, and everyone needs to be more tolerant of disagreement.

If anything OP is being too nice and accommodating which is why she ended up being followed and harassed in the corridor.

Sometimes there's a need and a reason and if it doesn't affect anyone else it's an easy accommodation to make. In fact, a lot of the classrooms feel better with natural light (if there is any) rather than the super bright artificial ones and the interactive whiteboards can be seen better.

What nonsense. Are you one the entitled brats described? I hope you are never responsible for managing anything or anyone. Please don't ever work in education, that would be a signal for all intelligent, rational folk to retire.

I finally realised you're an ECT xx Students get great pleasure out of pushing your buttons. If you didn't get this during training you were very fortunate. I've taught similar and there are always students who are going to accuse you of stupid things like racism when there is none. If you've had complaints, just calmly tell your Manager that they were being deliberately inflammatory and next time mention it before they have the opportunity to give their feedback. If they were over-sharing and you felt this was genuine, it needs to be reported to your Safeguarding Lead. If they've made it up to get a rise from you, I'm sure your SL will kick butt on your behalf. Never be afraid to press the button for a more senior staff member to come and take them out. You will always get accused of racism/sexism/homophobia/transphobia as a teacher. I would just not rise to it and get on with things - but then report the incident as soon as possible. I'm fortunate to have a bi-racial gay trans child so that used to kill most of the accusations but I used to get people saying I was anti-black and use it as an excuse to misbehave in class. You're not racist - you give sanctions for poor behaviour equally 😂

@riotlady
Where did the sentence regarding Hitler and the Jews come fro?. Are you referring to the final solution to get rid of us. He failed.

But that is still the teacher/education providers decision. And whilst it’s an easy adjustment for one child what happens when 2/3/4…kids all decide that they must have the room in their preferred manner which then don’t match. And presuming these kids are secondary age it’s time for them to start adjusting to how the real world works, you don’t walk into a meeting and tell your boss to turn down the lights, or play their presentation at a lower volume. If there is a genuine medical issue with light/sound then the students need to find solutions that work that only affect them which is what they will be having to do when out in the world.

I’m thinking that although OP sounds very nice and well-meaning - and doesn’t deserve this harassment - perhaps she is unwittingly part of the problem. She is too keen to please fussy students - I mean, come on, you don’t need to make adjustments to sit in a perfectly standard classroom. This constant people-pleasing can pander to all sorts of time-wasters and detract from the actual point of the lesson. It can be seen as weak by many students, irritated by the constant delays and checking if everyone is ok before anyone can proceed. I wonder if your two students here were trying to make a point.

I was giving examples of what would be acceptable controversial statements for a group of teens and what would obviously be unacceptable and upsetting, and asking the OP whereabouts on the spectrum her statements were. She later posted a list and they were very mild

@Govangirl You were amused that they were white and saying they were subjected to racism? And you are in education? Interesting that you think racism doesn’t affect white people.

Not as much as it affects black people. In the UK anyway. Don’t pretend you don’t know this. Either you’re being goady or you’re a professional victim.

Like I say, I wonder if the students were trying to make the point that if you pander too much EVERYONE is a victim.

If you read the rest of the OP's posts you will see that the white students were accusing her of being racist towards other students of colour. Not the white students.

They were white, and calling a POC racist to other POC.

They were twats.

Bigotry and prejudice affects everyone, minorities much more severely. Actual racism, as in systemic barriers inherent in society and discrimination based on the perceived superiority of the ruling class? Well no, that doesn't affect white fill in the UK. Unless they're travellers.

@Hobbi @BadNomad Racism can affect all persons and it was the OP who made it a point of saying the students were white and she was a person of colour. It’s not only POC that are subjected to racism and to claim I was goady in saying that says more about you than me. Jewish people are not POC but are regularly subjected to racism as are Muslims and other white people such as Eastern Europeans, travellers who regularly be discriminated against on the grounds of race. Just yesterday a POC actress was complaining that the Buckingham Palace balcony was too white which is just another and more recent example of racism that can occur towards white people.

Well done for ignoring all the caveats in my post. The majority white population in the UK can experience bigotry and prejudice (they don't anywhere near as much as minorities) but they don't experience racism. Yes, minority white populations like travellers, Jewish people and Eastern Europeans can experience it, but it's disingenuous to suggest those are representative of the white population in the UK.

@Hobbi @Govangirl @BadNomad It was Adjoa Andoh who said yesterday that the Buckingham Palace balcony was “terribly white” which is a very public example of racism towards white people. It does happen and I’m honestly not being goady for pointing this out as it’s just a fact of the society we live in.

No one was talking about racism towards white people though.

That's not racism, as I pointed out. It's bigotry.

@BadNomad The OP made a point of saying she was amused that the students complaining were white and she was a POC so actually she was insinuating that only POC ate subject to racism and that’s not true at all.