AIBU to be upset by these complaints against me?

[Govangirl]

Hi all. This has only happened within the past 5-6 hours, so still very fresh and a bit emotional about it.

I work with students and we hold a debating event every month or so. As it’s designed as a deliberative space, the icebreaker has to set the tone for the evening, and so for the past 6 events we’ve played a kind of “devils advocate” game wherein they pull clearly controversial opinions out of hats, and the “goal” is to debate this from both sides (equally if possible, though not always). This allows them to see things from different perspectives, and also encourages them to get into the deliberative, debating mindset.

Anyway (sorry for the waffle!) today we were joined by 2 new students, who had issues from the start. They said the lights were too bright (we dimmed them) and that the microphones were too loud (we lowered the volume and offered them ear protectors). I’m neurotypical myself so completely understand that these can negatively impact people. When the icebreaker was played, they called me over as the facilitator and explained that they would not be participating as they had fundamentally disagreed with the first prompt. They both trauma dumped excessively while not letting me get a word in edgeways, and then accused me of being racist, homophobic, and ableist because I had written out the prompts. I explained (or tried to) that it was MEANT to be controversial, and the aim was to get them to understand diff perspectives etc. but they were having none of it. They said they’d be making complaints about me, and I showed them how to access the feedback form for the event and gave my name when required.

They seemed to really enjoy the rest of the debate and got quite animated and engaged, which is why I suppose I guessed they wouldn’t make the complaint. They also both thanked me for hosting at the end.

I got home and got a message from my manager, letting me know that there have been 2 complaints filed on the feedback form. I have access to this and have read both, and they are utter b*llocks. Accusations of the above, of course, but also allegations that I mocked them for being abused, I forced them to actively discriminate against other students, they weren’t given an option not to participate, really vile, UNTRUE things.

I’ve only been at this job for 8 months, and it’s my first job out of uni. I love this job, and I’ve only ever received positive feedback and praise so this has really knocked my confidence. The allegations are plainly untrue, and I’m hoping that my manager will see through that, as they’re both known to be “difficult students”, though of course that doesn’t mean they’re inherently liars (but in this case their recanting of the event is inaccurate). My speciality at work is Equality, Diversity, and Inclusions, so I know that I wasn’t doing any of the things they’ve accused me of, I guess I’m just worried that maybe I’m being unreasonable for being so upset.

I will say, what amused me somewhat (for lack of better word) was that these were white British students who have accused me, a WOC, of racism and discriminatory behaviour.

Huge wall of text, so apologies for that. But AIBU for being concerned about these complaints? Do you think it will negatively affect my appraisals etc to have 2 “strikes” as it were against me for this specific alleged behaviour when I’m the designated expert in ED&I in the workplace?

TIA x

This sounds horrible OP & you sound like a lovely person & a wonderful teacher. This sounds like racially motivated harassment to me. I hope your manager & the school take this seriously.

Good to read your positive update from today and I’m glad your manager has your back.

The goading today is very disturbing. I’m glad it was witnessed by your colleague and hope it gets addressed properly.

You sound so passionate about your work and I wish you all the best with it.

agree With both of you and OP’s updates shows clearly there was a racial element in it as many of us could see.

I’ve noticed it’s a thing in the past decade or so that racists have started to do. Weaponise racism. They deny real racism against POC but are quick to cry racism at any POC for their literal existence or for bringing up any experiences of racial prejudice. You only need to take a look at daily mail comments to see this if you think I’m making this up. These girls likely got it from racist parents.

OP it’s good your colleagues have backed you - as they obviously should because the girls clearly have zero grounds for their baseless accusations, but I think the students need to be dealt with. This is racial harassment. Please report them for this and make sure the school protect you. Everyone needs to take a proactive approach.

I disagree. I suspect from the very clearly racist nonsense, that what they are is not woke or anything approaching it.

I suspect they are actually little racist right-wingers (or whatever the hell this awful shit is now) who are using the language of woke leftism to get away with saying whatever they like.

I've seen a fair amount of it recently, wankers using leftie language to beat well meaning people like OP over the head. I wouldn't be at all surprised to see George Crosses all over their houses at home.

Quote fail!

My initial post was meant to quote the above. I agree with both of you!

This. Exactly.

They sound like a pair of cunts.
Many people I know who work with students are experiencing this kind of, frankly, bullying behaviour. I have zero tolerance left for it.
I've no advice, OP, but I hope your colleagues and managers back you.

You're playing a dangerous game here. People don't want to discuss difficult issues any more, they want to be 'triggered' by any mention of them, then find someone to blame. And everyone has a 'diagnosis' which they can play as a trump card.
I suggest you apologise for distress caused, refrain from retaliating with psycho-babble like 'trauma dumping' and withdraw from organising such exercises in the future. Better than just flouncing might be to have concrete suggestions for alternative ice-breakers.

Shy away from employing millennials?? That’s everyone in their 30s!

Under no circumstances should she apologise.

I suggest you apologise for distress caused, refrain from retaliating with psycho-babble like 'trauma dumping'

Definitely don't apologise.

And trauma dumping is not 'psycho-babble'

Bloody hell OP.
You have bent over backwards to appease these students - to a ridiculous extent. And the more you bend the more they’ll push. Can people no longer sit in a perfectly ordinary room at school and have a debate without having to have multiple special arrangements? This is crazy. It sounds so toxic and I’m not surprised so many teachers are leaving the profession.

I did this with my students. We had 'women are stronger than men'.
When I was at uni, we did 'SEN students should be educated in special schools'. We had to find journal articles to back up our arguments and couldn't choose which side we were on.
What happens with students like this is they want qualifications without working first them and their work is not critically analysed from all sides so it lacks depth.
Don't worry about the complaints, people in my class did this to our tutors and I was so annoyed and wrote to the Dean stating that I did not support the complaint. The Dean said they knew the student complainant well and knew their complaint was not representative of the student body.

U should arrange for a meeting with your manager and put your side. I would also encourage him to reach out to other members of the group. Both about the activity and the events that occurred in the lead up to them calling you over, Certainly they will support your attestation that they complained about the lights, microphones etc which should reinforce your side of the story.

OP, ten years ago people like this wouldn’t have been given a platform. They’d have been told to feel free not to join the lesson. Or else told that education in itself is designed to be provocative and challenging and if they didn’t want to be there, maybe they need to think about whether higher education is for them at all.
No one is born with the right not to be offended.
There’s a certain segment of society theses days (looking at you TRA’s) who want to stifle debate and free speech. It’s quite scary. Makes me glad I’m not an educator. Best of luck with your career, OP, hope you don’t have to pander to them too much in any future dealings with them.

They sound like annoying attention seeking people. Get witnesses, write down exactly what happened but don't worry any more.

This!

Write down what happened, OP, and make a formal complaint against them in whatever way it's done in your school. Otherwise it sounds as though they're going to feel free to try to ruin your mental health 😡

OP, to be really frank the two students are trying to get you sacked because THEY are racists. They sound absolutely dreadful and I would bet my last pound that all the abuse stories etc they told
you at the event were lies. It was to ‘check’ your reaction and enable them to make a complaint. This was all planned. Be very very careful when around them.

I image that your supervisor cannot ignore complaints. Perhaps a mediation meeting with them and maybe a couple of witnesses. Maybe they need to see a written copy of the brief for the discussion group. Don't take it lying down, they sound like they were out for trouble.

I’m just not surprised to hear this sadly. Unis are meant to encourage freedom of speech and thought, but the amount of stories I’ve read suggest that students want to embrace censorship. Very depressing.

These were students younger than sixth form.

I share your pain. I work with students and this generation would be traumatised if they had nothing to complain about. They're never happier than when they're virtue signalling, cancelling (i.e bullying) on social media someone whose opinion they don't agree with, or being self-entitled moaners. When anyone calls them to account and makes them look petty or stupid they go running to mummy or daddy, or "the authorities" to pick up their complaints. I don't know how they will survive in the real world. I wonder if they are media, sociology or psychology students, the worst of the worst.

What on earth is in any of those prompts that the students felt so strongly about they couldn't participate? They are all quite tame really. Even the one just for sixth formers!

I may have missed relevant information in the posts - sorry - how old are the students you were working with in this workshop? The topics seem relatively uncontroversial in a debating workshop scenario, but it would depend on the age of attendees in how you should expect them to manage what may 'feel' to them as controversial topics.

Good advice from the OPs advising you to ask for other members of staff who were there to reflect and give feedback on the session. You could look towards your line manager and ask how else to manage workshops when attendees can find the environment challenging or topics discussed and ask for 'best practise' in managing these situations. What would they suggest moving forwards?

I do empathise with your situation when working in Education when things go wrong and when you only envisaged positive outcomes. I work in that area and know it feels really personal and I've always found it hard when you want to do positive work and it isn't perceived in this way. However, if they are students and you are employed in a teacher/lecturer role there is a duty of care to consider and how to respond to their responses, even if it is unexpected or seems out of perspective with the initial topics.

I hope you get support from your employers and try to relax and not feel you need to rush your responses. You sound like you are trying to do the best and care about your your job and I hope it is resolved for you.

Sorry about the strong language, but it sounds like this pair are more than slightly virtue flagging at your expense and have their heads so far up their own arseholes they can't help talking shite.