To think most women do all of the self care beauty routines I do.

[summerfinn]

Had this conversation with a friend today that seems to think I'm high maintenance. I get my nails done every month and eyebrows and a facial. I also fake tan once a week. Botox every 6 months and get my lips slightly fillled twice a year ( I have naturally thin lips)

I was under the impression most women do these things if you care about your appearance. AIBU to think this ?

I care a lot about my appearance - get told I look attractive a lot and asked out by men a lot (I'm married) so I think I look pretty ok.

My beauty routine is:

• stay slim by eating reasonably
• wear copious amounts of SPF on my face so I don't age
• cycle and do weight lifting to tone my body
• spend 30mins on makeup, choosing an outfit and hair styling every morning
• shave once a week
• trim my own hair (it's down to my waist and just straight) once a fortnight

I don't do any of the things you've mentioned but I think my beauty routine is probs typical for women who care how they look (I might spend too long on my makeup and hair!)

I do none of that.

I get my hair trimmed every 3 months. That's it. I have no idea how I'd find the time for that list.

Do you work OP?

I am not entirely sure how to put it into words but I will try as you seem genuine in your interest but I think it is because I myself am really pale and it was often remarked upon in a negative way. It got me thinking that altering skin colour is not a good thing. That and I feel tanning is dangerous and fake tanning helps promote the whole "must get a tan" culture. The "people look better tanned" concept. I expect I'm a bit screwed up from being pale and also a history of skin cancer in the family. But it's never sat right with me.

@summerfinn so you have depression and you do this to make yourself feel better. That’s lovely that you have the time, energy and finances to do this.

What isn’t so nice was your sweeping generalisation to all other women that don’t do this as a norm - “was under the impression most women do these things if you care about your appearance. “

I care about my appearance but I work all the hours, volunteer with a local charity, care for my adult son and manage a social life and relationship. I don’t have the time, energy or money for anything other than a 6 weekly hair cut and highlights. Please don’t judge other women by your beauty standards.

And in the same vein - I’m sorry for some of the comments you are getting.

I get my nails done every month
I do my own gels now but yes

And eyebrows and a facial
Wax my own eyebrows. No facials, they're extortionate

I also fake tan once a week
Nope and I don't know anyone who does

Botox every 6 months
Nope and I only know 1-2 people who've had it (that have said so, anyway)

And get my lips slightly fillled twice a year
Nope and again I only know a few people who have

I think there's a pretty big difference between getting your nails done and getting injections in your face. The former is relatively normal (although by no means something 'everyone' does) and the latter is quite extreme, although getting more popular.

The only thing I do regularly so far from your list is the eyebrow shape which I have approximately once a month.

I have my hair coloured every four weeks (to cover greys) and cut every eight weeks.

I wear makeup every day and follow a skincare routine morning and night.

I recently had some Botox for the first time (anged 43) and will have it again in a few months, also toying with the idea of having tear trough filler.

I would never wear fake tan and last had a facial about 10 years ago. Sadly I bite my fingernails and pedicures are reserved for summer, so two-three per year at most.

I consider myself pretty high maintenance based on the above but clearly am not compared to you 😁 In my experience most women don’t do any of these things regularly.

I don't do any of that
i have my gair cut and coloured every six weeks
That's ut

I do have a high maintenance shower and foot routine
That was worth it when the podiatrist couldn't find any hard skin to remove and told me to give my dad my routine (she does both our feet)

I googled Rosanna Davison, and I don't want to look like her. I think you can care about your appearance without being keen on that look.

You'd be better off spending money on yoga, psychotherapy, reading, eating properly.

That's so judgmental.

It's entirely up to women themselves what they decide makes them feel good!

Maybe they do this too?

I eat well, and exercise daily. I'm having counselling on an ongoing basis to deal with my MH post-abusive marriage.

I also get my nails done, mr hair & my brows, some waxing, and wear make up daily. I would like some more treatments like a facial but can't afford it. The things I do matter to me & do make me feel good.

It doesn't matter at all to be what others do or don't do.

Honestly, life is too brief for all that shit. Keep clean and fresh and that should suffice for most purposes. I am happy with my appearance, a comfortable state of mind that was very hard won over the years, and see no need to disguise myself. Funnily enough no-one who isn't trying to be funny recoils in horror so maybe I really am lovely just the way I am

I do have my hair cut every 3-4 months, only because it's a nuisance when it starts to go bushy. Oh, and I may be expected to wear some make-up at a wedding I'm due at later this year. I might still have a pot of foundation around somewhere and should probably do something subtle involving eye liner. Fecked if I pay someone else to do it for me.

I no longer get my nails done, as i went off the look of gels, but I do get my eyebrows threaded every 3 weeks, Botox 3 times a year and a facial every other month. I don't consider myself high maintenance. I would say you have a bigger regime than many, but I wouldn't say that you were particularly HM either.

She's Irish!

To be clear, having said I'm very low maintenance, I do care a reasonable amount about my appearance. I'm regularly complimented on my style choices, and I brush my hair every day so it usually looks fairly smart - I get my friend to cut my hair whenever it gets straggling, but I don't use any heat on it and I have never died it so it's in excellent condition. I can certainly manage to look professional without Botox/leg waxes/frankly anything else.

Just aware there are a few posts suggesting those who don't partake in regular beauty treatments are utterly unbothered by material things - it's not that I am unbothered at all, it's just that to me most of those things don't add to one's appearance, and certainly not to the point where I am prepared to commit to them on a regular basis. I do like the idea of a regular facial/massage though.

The only people I know with that kind of regime are considerably richer than me. We are comfortably middle class. I live in a town where this is fairly common though and I think that your norms are formed by the people around you. So I am aware that I'm a bit shabby looking compared to other women my age (41), but I haven't aged badly, just naturally. Which is fine by me. When I go home to the town I'm from, I look normal if not 'good for my age'. If I felt crap about aging, I would possibly try and do that stuff. It's hard to imagine prioritising it above something more tangible I guess. In my line of work, aging has been professionally advantageous. My baby face years didn't inspire confidence in clients!

I work with a few women who do this but on the whole the average person doesn’t… based on people I know

My routine is - Aldi moisturiser ideally (although I do like lidl too). Aldi cleanser, mainly I like the smell and it does the job. Retinol 1% before bed (the ordinary) and the occasional face mask if I want a pamper (normally either a cheap sheet mask - the type they sell in tkmaxx etc… or I raid the fridge and do an egg white mask!) oh and lush do a face scrub, I use that in the shower sometimes (got it for my birthday and again, smells lovely)

Other than that - circuits class, hot yoga, gym, walk the dog, get a good nights sleep and I’m mostly vegetarian & drink plenty of water.

I’d put money on the fact that you’ve got a certain “look” that people could tell you have Botox and fillers/fake tan etc. Even if you think it looks natural.

Each to their own though.

I like to look nice, but our versions of nice probably just mean different things, natural versus more 'done up'.
I rarely go for facials but use lots of nice cleansers and masks at home.
I've never gotten nails, Botox, eyebrows done. I tweak my eyebrows at home. I'm deathly pale so tan isn't something I bother with either.

I do none of that. The only thing I do is get my hair cut. The rest is DIY.

You realise nobody is going to tell you they notice it, right?

@summerfinn nope I don't do any of this.
I get my nails done if I'm on annual leave for longer than a week and go to the hairdresser every 7-8 weeks.
I couldn't afford it and wouldn't have the time to keep up with all of that.
Botox wouldn't be coming anywhere near my face I would only have it for medical reasons if I need it. Aka: over overactive bladder etc
I take care of myself by trying to eat right, exercising regularly, avoiding skin damage from the sun.

Yes

this is my beauty regime:
-facial every 2-3 months
-manicure at home every 2-4days, manicure at a salon only when going on holiday or to a wedding
-laser face treatment once every few months
-LED light mask on my face 2-3 times a week before sleep
-i have had lip filler twice- the first one lasted on me literally 4 years and I only recently felt like i needed a little top up
-hairdresser for balayage and cut every 4 months, i also trim my ends at home by myself once between salon visits. I have professional scissors and do a simple cut
-had my legs, underarms and bikini lasered, so very few hairs and i do at home laser once every 2-3 months for an upkeep
-massage maybe 4 times a year
-i am going for a scalp treatment next week to cleanse and nourish my scalp, it’s my first time
-i don’t like tan but recently used fake tan on my legs as I was going to a wedding and that was an orange fail, won’t be doing that again

Depends where you live I think. Certain areas of the country I've been to hospitals and no exaggeration, every single woman I saw had eyelash extensions, tan, lip fillers. Some with zero makeup on but all of them had had those treatments as a basic. I'm talking nurses, cleaners, receptionists, women serving in the canteen. I felt like a pigeon surrounded by parrots.

Then I've been places where seeing someone in a hospital who had had those things done is rare and it's the one who has got eyelashes and lip fillers who stick out.

I use hospitals as an example as I go to lots of them all over the country so that's where my experience comes from 😅

I was under the impression most women do these things if you care about your appearance. AIBU to think this ?

Yes you are. Women can care about their appearance without doing those things.