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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

449 replies

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:28

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:15

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 18:14

Is it 4.5 hours a day or 4.5 hours total per week ?

4.5 a day
In the morning

OP posts:
Humanbiology · 04/05/2023 18:15

YomAsalYomBasal · 04/05/2023 18:09

I had to pay my mum to do it, minimum wage.

What was you like as a child was you a nightmare. Me personally I would babysit anytime because I like children and my children didn't trauma me.

supercatlady · 04/05/2023 18:15

Does she want paying because she needs the money?
a good friend of mine was a childminder and I thought I couldn’t afford to go back to work after having my second but we came to an agreement where we split my wages 50/50.
as others have said, if you’d be eligible for help with childcare costs it might benefit you to look into more formal childcare if your Mum wants the going rate.

Supergirl1958 · 04/05/2023 18:16

I don’t pay either grandparent, but get them occasional treats.

BILs wife pays her mum to look after her daughter but not my MIL who looks after the daughter more!!

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 18:16

In the morning before school?
What hours is it ?
4.5 hours a day for 5 days is a lot and a huge commitment.

CraftyIrishMamma · 04/05/2023 18:17

Guiltridden12345 · 04/05/2023 14:43

It’s so sad that grandparents want paying to look after their grandchildren. I have never heard this in my 13/14 years of being a parent. I’d go with a pp and go for formal childcare - you’ll get expert care and less hassle for (possible) slightly more cost.

Really? I think it’s more than sad that adult children are still expecting their parents to carry on giving up their own dreams just to make their adult children’s lives easier….and still not being remotely appreciated for doing so.

Maybe when they’re dead, they’ll be appreciated?

Daisybuttercup12345 · 04/05/2023 18:18

I wouldn't expect to be paid. Just love having them.

Robinni · 04/05/2023 18:18

I would see what the local going rate for a childminder is.

Then I would work out what you would be due in tax credits or universal credit or tax rebate (tax free childcare). Use turn2us benefits calculator and/or tax credits calculator.

Deduct the benefits you’d be due from the going rate per week. Give her the remainder.

If you are a high earner and due nothing then I would give her half the going rate as she isn’t a formally qualified child minder.

Bit of a cheek for her looking paid. I’d just go with a proper child minder.

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:19

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 18:16

In the morning before school?
What hours is it ?
4.5 hours a day for 5 days is a lot and a huge commitment.

Yeah so from 7.45 to 12.30
It is, I understand it is which is why I'm having serious doubts
But I was so excited before I made this thread 😂
I may even have a day off in the week so could end up only being the 4 days, especially when my hours go back down to 12. 2 shifts over the weekend and 2 during the week, so then I'd only need her for 2 days but I don't know when that would be

OP posts:
agentshreddie · 04/05/2023 18:19

CraftyIrishMamma · 04/05/2023 18:17

Really? I think it’s more than sad that adult children are still expecting their parents to carry on giving up their own dreams just to make their adult children’s lives easier….and still not being remotely appreciated for doing so.

Maybe when they’re dead, they’ll be appreciated?

Show quote history

I think it's sad too, sorry. Maybe it's cultural. My mum loves to spend time with her grandchildren, it's not a transactional thing, it's a family thing.

Robinni · 04/05/2023 18:23

CraftyIrishMamma · 04/05/2023 18:17

Really? I think it’s more than sad that adult children are still expecting their parents to carry on giving up their own dreams just to make their adult children’s lives easier….and still not being remotely appreciated for doing so.

Maybe when they’re dead, they’ll be appreciated?

Show quote history

@CraftyIrishMamma

Not one of these…. Very often the grandparents will have had their parents childmind for them - so they could “have their dreams” and earn.

Now when they are grandparents it’s their turn. Doesn’t have to be all consuming. But pretty normal to lend a hand and develop a relationship with grandchildren.

There are remote GP sunning themselves and seeing the GC at Xmas… they come to regret this whenever they need care in old age and have no proper family connections anyone.

It’s give and take.

Humanbiology · 04/05/2023 18:24

If it will go back to normal hours maybe for now just sick it up and give £50 a week until when you need her for 2 days and then give her £20. Something like that. £50 doesn't sound too unreasonable for looking after her own GRANDCHILDREN.

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 04/05/2023 18:25

Tessisme · 04/05/2023 14:38

A granny who wants paid to look after her grandchildren? How is that of any help to you unless you pay her in buttons?

Surely that depends on the granny’s financial situation and if she is giving up other earning options for this? Benefit will be she charges a lower amount compared to if OP had to pay full market rate.

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 18:26

I think you need to ask your mum what she would like to be paid.
Then you can take it from there.

Solonge · 04/05/2023 18:27

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:31

Yeah she wants paying, she wouldn't do it otherwise

Wow….we look after ours, gratis. Its being a grandparent, not minding the kids.

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:30

I've just tsxt my mum to ask her how much and to make it clear to her I would never hold a grudge or hate her or sslag her off or anything of the sort if she decided she couldn't do it
She's suggesting 2o a week

OP posts:
AbeFroman · 04/05/2023 18:31

This is really weird to me. Nobody I know pays their mum to watch their kids. My mum would be really offended if I offered. I sometimes offer to cover costs for days out but she never takes it

Christie70 · 04/05/2023 18:39

Why is everyone writing about paying or not paying their mums for childcare? Do none of you have partners, or dads? Women are not responsible for arranging or paying (or not paying) for childcare. Nor should grandmothers alone be asked to care. It’s insulting to both the females and males of the families. It’s a shared responsibility. We don’t live in the 1950s!

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 18:39

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:30

I've just tsxt my mum to ask her how much and to make it clear to her I would never hold a grudge or hate her or sslag her off or anything of the sort if she decided she couldn't do it
She's suggesting 2o a week

That’s really generous of your mum to do it for £20 a week , if it was me I’d pay her £50 , more than double what she’s asked for , just to show my appreciation.
And that's still a huge saving in the £300 the childminder quoted you.

itsgettingweird · 04/05/2023 18:40

If you pay her then she needs to be registered and insured.

You will also have to pay tax and NI or she will have to declare herself self employed.

If you pay her cash in hand it can only be for expenses and so a small nominal amount a day to cover food, petrol and utility use.

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 04/05/2023 18:43

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:30

I've just tsxt my mum to ask her how much and to make it clear to her I would never hold a grudge or hate her or sslag her off or anything of the sort if she decided she couldn't do it
She's suggesting 2o a week

£20 a week is a bargain for 4 kids, 5hrs a day 5 days a week. That will cover expenses petrol ect, I actually think that is quite reasonable

ididntknowthat11 · 04/05/2023 18:43

She's suggested £20'a week?

That's so cheap. But it does still sound like she doesn't want to do it.

How about bar work? Means you'd be working evenings / weekends so no childcare required?

And it can be a lot of fun so good for your mental health

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 04/05/2023 18:45

itsgettingweird · 04/05/2023 18:40

If you pay her then she needs to be registered and insured.

You will also have to pay tax and NI or she will have to declare herself self employed.

If you pay her cash in hand it can only be for expenses and so a small nominal amount a day to cover food, petrol and utility use.

Her mum only wants £4 a day that's £1 per child for 5 hrs so will literally be expenses

Tessisme · 04/05/2023 18:47

If the Gran is on question is on a basic pension she may not be able afford the cost of feeding the children lunch and snacks or the cost of taking them out. Some people have to ration bread etc, not everyone is rolling in it.

She doesn't have to be out of pocket. Their mum can pay for food, trips out etc.

Atticus999 · 04/05/2023 18:47

Op, was that meant to say £200 per week?