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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

449 replies

Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 14:28

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
Yogity · 04/05/2023 18:48

We give my mum £25 a day for one child. Reading this thread that seems steep compared to others, but my mum was self employed and had to significantly drop her hours to look after DD. The money is a fraction of her lost earnings but she sees it as a way to semi retire and spend time with her GC. She is appalled to receive anything so a fair amount has been spent on DD outings, toys and contributed back to DD savings account - but we feel better about it given her sacrifices and the fact she does such a stellar job.

PictureConsequences · 04/05/2023 18:49

OP could you not work when your DP is at home? Evenings or weekends or whatever?

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:49

No, she said 20 a week
Which I was thinking 100-150 a month especially if my hours stay up high, that's more affordable
Just to add, my mum will never be expected to pay for my kids food, also have food in for her to use herself, she wouldn't be taking baby to soft play or anything like that and tbh my baby naps about half 10

OP posts:
PictureConsequences · 04/05/2023 18:50

Sorry, you've answered my question.

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 18:52

PictureConsequences · 04/05/2023 18:49

OP could you not work when your DP is at home? Evenings or weekends or whatever?

I have tried my hardest to apply for all kinds of hours of work, I actually had a trial shift in a bar and hated it, far too loud for me
But nowhere was getting back to me, obviously I will keep a look out but ive applied for hospitality, cleaning, shop work
It's just annoying as the jobs I'm qualified for (most cleaning in shops or schools) tend to be early morning, DP used to warehouse work which is mainly night shift so we clashed like that
Have applied for a dinner lady position and it says my application is being considered so fingers crossed

OP posts:
PictureConsequences · 04/05/2023 18:53

Isn't office cleaning evenings though? And doctors surgeries etc?

determinedtomakethiswork · 04/05/2023 18:54

FriedEggChocolate · 04/05/2023 14:52

Are you allowed to pay her? I seem to remember when my DS was small there was some issue how you couldn't pay non-professional carers to do childcare, even a box of biscuits or similar. I think it was a tax implication thing. https://www.ncchomelearning.co.uk/blog/paying-grandparents-for-childcare-uk/

Are you seriously suggesting it's against the law to give your mother a tin of biscuits when she looks after your children for the afternoon?

PictureConsequences · 04/05/2023 18:54

Or becoming a carer? I would type evening work and where you live into Indeed. Good luck OP!

OuiLaLa · 04/05/2023 18:55

@Buddythecat1 - she sounds more like a nanny then a childminder and that might make her your employee - just check that carefully!

ShowUs · 04/05/2023 19:02

I would definitely accept her help for only £20 a week!

Even if it’s just a temporary solution.

Batalax · 04/05/2023 19:04

I’d pay the £20whether it’s for 2 or 5 days then. That’s just covering her costs in biscuits etc, not really being paid.

ShowUs · 04/05/2023 19:04

AbeFroman · 04/05/2023 18:31

This is really weird to me. Nobody I know pays their mum to watch their kids. My mum would be really offended if I offered. I sometimes offer to cover costs for days out but she never takes it

Most parents don’t look after their grandchildren for 4.5 hours every day though.

Tohaveandtohold · 04/05/2023 19:05

Do you need the 4.5 hours for 5 days a week? Because that seem like a lot of childcare for 12 hours a week.
I think you need to try not to get stuck with this job as it does not seem suitable for your family life, there’s lots of entry level jobs about that 12 hours won’t be spread out 5 days a week. I mean one night shift in care or in a factory is 12 hours already and you’ll keep all your earnings and have 6 days with your family which is also easy if you decide to double your work hours.
Back to the main question, if your mum is asking for £20 a week for 4 children, you won’t get it cheaper anywhere else

CraftyIrishMamma · 04/05/2023 19:06

Robinni · 04/05/2023 18:23

@CraftyIrishMamma

Not one of these…. Very often the grandparents will have had their parents childmind for them - so they could “have their dreams” and earn.

Now when they are grandparents it’s their turn. Doesn’t have to be all consuming. But pretty normal to lend a hand and develop a relationship with grandchildren.

There are remote GP sunning themselves and seeing the GC at Xmas… they come to regret this whenever they need care in old age and have no proper family connections anyone.

It’s give and take.

Show quote history

Eugh, how vile! So glad I’m not related to you. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 19:07

Tohaveandtohold · 04/05/2023 19:05

Do you need the 4.5 hours for 5 days a week? Because that seem like a lot of childcare for 12 hours a week.
I think you need to try not to get stuck with this job as it does not seem suitable for your family life, there’s lots of entry level jobs about that 12 hours won’t be spread out 5 days a week. I mean one night shift in care or in a factory is 12 hours already and you’ll keep all your earnings and have 6 days with your family which is also easy if you decide to double your work hours.
Back to the main question, if your mum is asking for £20 a week for 4 children, you won’t get it cheaper anywhere else

No that's my partners hours, he has a 20 hour contract

OP posts:
FourTeaFallOut · 04/05/2023 19:10

Jesus, all this for £20/week? It'll pay for the additional heating that she'll put on over winter/additional electricity/ water/ snacks/ arts and crafts materials/bus rides. It's not like she's gauging you to live the high life.

kittensinthekitchen · 04/05/2023 19:16

FourTeaFallOut · 04/05/2023 19:10

Jesus, all this for £20/week? It'll pay for the additional heating that she'll put on over winter/additional electricity/ water/ snacks/ arts and crafts materials/bus rides. It's not like she's gauging you to live the high life.

I don't understand how you've managed to post on this thread multiple times, yet clearly haven't read it.

FourTeaFallOut · 04/05/2023 19:20

Cooking and mnetting at the same time, you should see the state of dinner 😁

Sissynova · 04/05/2023 19:20

I think £100 a month is reasonable for the current hours your mother would be doing but I think you’re taking the piss to expect her to cover you working 40hrs a week for 100/150 a month.

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2023 19:32

20 a week sounds more than generous of your mother - it will cover expenses that's all.
But it sounds like you'll only need the childcare for a week anyway? If one of you works 20 hours the other 12, that's not even full time between you so I don't see why you need childcare.
If one person worked full time they could do 40 hours and the other could still do weekend or evening work.

Considering you have 4 children and a dog and neither work anything like full time, and you can claim childcare from UC but can't be bothered to do so, I think you are taking the P to expect your mother to do 5 X 4.5 hours a week for only £20! Your mother will be working 22 hours a week which is more than either of you. I think you should both up.your hours and sort your own childcare. Re-home your dog. Be a bit more responsible. Use your mother for emergency childcare if one of the children is ill and can't go to school.

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 19:33

Sissynova · 04/05/2023 19:20

I think £100 a month is reasonable for the current hours your mother would be doing but I think you’re taking the piss to expect her to cover you working 40hrs a week for 100/150 a month.

I'm not expecting that, my partner is doing 4 hour shifts
It will only ever be 4 hours

OP posts:
NetZeroZealot · 04/05/2023 19:37

I would pay her £10 per hour, that's a lot less than you'd have to pay a live-out nanny which is what she will be, effectively.

Original poster
Buddythecat1 · 04/05/2023 19:38

SnackSizeRaisin · 04/05/2023 19:32

20 a week sounds more than generous of your mother - it will cover expenses that's all.
But it sounds like you'll only need the childcare for a week anyway? If one of you works 20 hours the other 12, that's not even full time between you so I don't see why you need childcare.
If one person worked full time they could do 40 hours and the other could still do weekend or evening work.

Considering you have 4 children and a dog and neither work anything like full time, and you can claim childcare from UC but can't be bothered to do so, I think you are taking the P to expect your mother to do 5 X 4.5 hours a week for only £20! Your mother will be working 22 hours a week which is more than either of you. I think you should both up.your hours and sort your own childcare. Re-home your dog. Be a bit more responsible. Use your mother for emergency childcare if one of the children is ill and can't go to school.

I think you're rude.
I was working full time, my partner stayed at home. I left my job on the promise of getting straight in to the nhs
I was informed on Tuesday that the nhs are no longer going to accept my application
I had already accepted another job at 12 hours, 12 hours is better than nothing and I will already be doing 43 into next week for training.
Partner applied for job on Tuesday, interview Wednesday, phone call today to say they want him to start Monday. Franky I think that's good going.

We can't both work ft as the jobs we are qualified to do would clash hours.
I was doing 8-4 but I needed to leave the house for 7
Night shift for him was 10pm-6am. (I did actually have a thread about this and I was told it was very unfair to make him work these hours as when is he supposed to sleep)

Partner has never worked in a shop, has tried for tesco, aldi, asda, morrisons, the range, local coops they've all said no. His experience is within a warehouse. But he can only seem to find nightshift warehouse.
I've wanted us both to work at the same time for a long time but it's just never been possible.

Your post comes across as us being work shy when we are anything but.

OP posts:
Fearneyox · 04/05/2023 19:41

This is insanity. My mum has my toddler for two days a week between 7.30-5 whilst I work. She loves having her and insisted on the two full days (I was going to only give her 1 day) as she loves the time spent bonding with her grandchild. If my mum wants paying, I’d go to a professional childminder.

FijiSea · 04/05/2023 19:41

I don’t understand , you say now it’s 4 hours per day when your partner is working ? What do you mean ? Will you also be working these hours ?