What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/news/cost-of-living/martin-lewis-benefit-grandparents-childcare-25226357

This might be useful

Wow, 13/14 years too eh, and you know so much about everyone’s personal arrangements.

Did you get looked after by your grandparents? Did your mother pay them? We’re a generation who can’t rely on our parents for childcare as they still work, but it was expected when we were children.

My mother teaches my children various musical instruments. To pay an outside person it’d be £100-140 a week (not to mention how many journeys).
On those days I go and walk a dog or do some weeding/plant something/cook her supper whilst she teaches and then we have a cup of tea. That’s my payment as her daughter.

I pay for my youngest child’s nursery but on the occasions my MIL looks after her she’s never asked for anything. We occasionally give flowers and/or wine.

If you’re only contracted for 12 hours a week then why not do an evening job or weekend job.

The NHS often do 12 shifts and so you could do it on a Sunday or get bar work or something.

That way you are still working and bringing in money but you don’t need childcare.

Then once your LO is in nursery you can increase your hours.

Yes very regularly, in the holidays I was there for 4/5 nights
She didn't pay them

I've been waiting since February to get in the NHS (got my pvg back clear) but alas still waiting so I managed to get another job, I've known about the job for the last week but my partner was phoned up out of the blue today and offered a job too

That's really shocking. My dm, dd and in laws saw it as a priviledge to care for our ds when he was small and loved every minute of of it.
I can't believe a gm won't care for her dgc unless she's paid.

It's also not as easy finding an evening job, I've been out of work since February as I left to go to the nhs (rookie mistake I know) but ive applied for everything and anything and very little places have got back to me
Then I got offered a 12 hour contract which I thought would work perfect so my partner also gets thee time to work too but mine is mixed shifts which makes it a bit harder

@Guiltridden12345

i recall your very disturbing thread re your diabolical and abusive father, and your spineless enabling mother

and you think they’d look after your children for free?

If you're on UC I would take advantage of the childcare element before giving up a job that clearly means a lot to you and would make life easier.

If you aren't all that close and she isn't that interested in her grandchildren (which for what it's worth I think is really sad, she's missing out if you ask me and may come to regret her choices in years to come, I know my grandma did) then I would seek out alternatives.

Good luck OP.

No it isn't normal

@Buddythecat1 I’ve been out of work since February

Its only May, what did you do for for childcare 3 months ago?

I know it's tough but why would you want her around your children. It's insult to you that the only way she will look after her grandchildren is if you paid her to do it. She sounds like one of those parents who had children and didn't like them.

My partner stayed at home

So very new job for him too?

OP, I know it's a faff and you've said you don't want to, but your best bet really is to look at UC childcare claim.

In a childcare setting, even childminder, your children will be provided Early Years learning etc.

I've used an outstanding ofsted registered childminder since DD was 9 months (she's now 6) and they've been crucial to her early development. They gave me reports of her progress, got her started writing and learning to read so when she started nursery and reception she was doing fantastic, and I credit them completely.

Also, my childminder is also a family member, and they would only ever take 50% of their standard fee as she's their niece.

My DM looks after her on her one day off a week and doesn't charge anything, she just sees it as spending time with her GC.

I'd cover things like food/snacks and leave a stock of nappies etc for the youngest (maybe offer half petrol costs for trips out etc) but I'm not sure I'd pay more than that. If she wants paying like a proper professional then I'd probably just laugh and find a way to put them with a professional childminder (one who will at least engage and interact properly with the kids and has all their medical certs and whatnot up to date).

Yeah he is due to start Monday
He hasn't worked for years as we made the decision it was better for my mental health to be in work but after months of searching for a job, nobody getting back to me, he applied and got offered the first bloody one he applied for! But it's always something thats worried me as he hasn't worked for years what about his pension etc
I'm gutted, I want to make it work for both of us

Back in 2015 I was going to pay my mum £100 per week to look after my DD once I went back to work. Unfortunately it worked out that after child tax credit support for childcare costs I would be paying out more money but didn't feel comfortable asking her to do it for less. In the end we made other arrangements but it's worth being mindful of the fact that if she wants paying at a rate that would be worthwhile to her rather than just covering expenses incurred, you may find that it will end up costing you more than professional childcare.

There is a way to be able to legitimately claim childcare costs for your DM looking after your DC but she needs to do all the courses and registration fees etc which hardly sounds worth it for either of you considering how much you are planning to work!

You also mention you normally work 12 hours but are doing 40 this week. On the one hand it may be better to have your DM if she is flexible but in reality would she find it a burden and get pissed off if you had short notice increase of hours regularly? Then again registered childcare may need more notice for you too so it really depends.

That sounds great, but if he only has a small state pension (it can vary so much!) perhaps he is entitled to Pension Credit? Lots of pensioners don’t think they qualify.

I’ll be minding my grandchildren soon, I obviously don’t want paying for the pleasure.

Probably would claim back 85% on childcare because you're on universal credit and use a minder :)

I pay my sister in law a day rate to look after my two. Its usually on a weekend or in a school holiday though and it's probably 6 times a year so very occasional. The kids are a similar age to her daughter so it works well for the cousins and she gets some money as a cash strapped single parent but can get on with her day. They will often stay the night as well. I have often thought it's a bit shit that family pay family but ultimately we can afford to pay her, she needs the money and she does a great job and there is less chance of resentment or feeling taken for granted cropping up. She feeds them and takes them to do fun things so it does work for us.

Op, I do childcare for a grandchild and do other bits for the others. I don’t expect payment. But then I didn’t have to give up a job to do it. Has your mum stopped working to do this for you? If so I can understand she may need something to help her out with things but honestly, if she’s retired or not working I can’t understand her wanting to be paid.

Sorry OP, just read your updates and it sounds really hard It sucks trying to build a better life for yourself but having these barriers.

In a way it's really good though! If it is only 12 hours a week I would just chat to your mum and explain things the same way you have here. In the future perhaps you and your DP between you will be able to arrange some flexibility in work? I think most people would be understanding as of course if you're both looking for work your commitments can change!