What should I pay my mum for watching my children?

[Buddythecat1]

My mum has agreed to help out and watch my children for the few hours I'll be at work,
Never had to deal with this type of arrangement before so I don't want to offend her but equally don't want to give her heaps (because I'm not going to be raking it in either) (I'll only be on minimum wage at 12 hours but doing 40 in the next week)
How much would you offer?

That's always what I said in my thread?
My partner finishes at 12, be home by 12.30
I'll be leaving the house at 8
So yeah 4 hours

Our MIL has our 2DCs 1 day/week, we pay her 100 per month to cover food, snacks, toys, treats and so on.

@Buddythecat1 can you get a night shift job at your local supermarket? I work around my husbands 9-5 Job by working Saturday & Sunday 10pm-6am by putting food on shelves.
I take home just over £750 a month. 15hrs a week

That’s an absolute bargain! I mean you did choose to have 4 children and it’s a daily commitment for her. You’re lucky you have the option of using your mum as my mum wouldn’t want to even if I paid her! You’d pay an extortionate amount for childcare 4.5 hours a day for four kids!

I did do that in lock down but they just aren't advertising at the moment

Ok, I'm possibly being dense, but your contract is only for 12hrs (excluding this week's training period) so how many days will you actually need her for on a regular basis because I can't see how 12hrs work a week can be spread over 4 days and need 4.5hrs childcare?

@SunnySaturdayMorning 👏

Yes I made a typo earlier in the thread
When my hours go back to being 12, it will more than likely be 3, 4 hour shifts
2 of those could even be during the weekend so 1 day needed in the week
It's more covering our bases as I will be doing 43 hours from tomorrow, I don't need my mum until Monday when my partner starts, and I have Wednesday off
So she's needed this week Monday and Tuesday
Then Thursday and Friday
But when I go back to 12, it could possibly be jus the 3 days I needed
But then there is a chance I could get more hours, I wish I had set shifts and days would make it easier

But not everybody loves spending time with small children or they actually have a life outside their grandkids I don't see how it's insanity

In which case my recommendation would be to use your mum short term but get the youngest on a wait-list for nursery asap (how old are they?) as spaces are scarce and if your hours go up I'd try and use your mum for the school run and have youngest in nursery/childminder for half days.

As much as your mum is committed now, the reality of looking after a young child for hours a day if you're not interested in them is pretty waring and I can't imagine her being reliable after a while.

If your mum is happy to do it I say go for it. Even if she decides she's not up for it in a month or two that is a month or two's extra money isn't it? So worth doing whatever the case. I also don't think 4 hours a day 5 days a week is that much either, particularly if it's short term and you manage to pick up a full time job again and can afford a childminder or something.

Deffo not normal to me. Mine would be offended if I tried to pay. None of my friends whose parents watch their kids pay either, it’s seen as a way the grandparents can help. The only way I’d see it being reasonable is to cover travel expenses or if they were giving up paid work

I would look into childcare options around you and see how much that would cost. Then maybe offer half that? So you're both benefiting?

I was going to suggest this. Factor in tax free childcare etc though.

I paid my mum half of my disposable income after I'd paid my essentials. She'd have done it for nothing and ended up saving most of it for DC in the end, but I wanted to share the extra money she'd enabled me to earn. The amount increased as my earnings did, but it was still cheap to me to have them looked after by someone who loved them and in whom I had 100% confidence. I look after my GC for nothing now as my DC needs everything they earn. They'll treat me when things pick up, or help me in other ways.

im not sure why you write off claiming support with childcare as a uc claimant? I’m a single parent of a toddler so our circumstances are different but all my experience with help towards childcare costs from dwp has been amazing. I feel really well supported by them. the payments are always prompt and the system is very easy to navigate.

You'd be better off claiming UC and using a proper childminder or nursery. It won't mess your claim up as long as you do it correctly.

It's depends on how much you appreciated her doing it and how much she needs v local nursery /childminder costs

Then.. What you can actually afford.
Bearing in mind many mother's don't have the blessing of gc nor want them... If you have a gc and you love them, being able to have that time is a gift

My Mum has my son 3 days a week after school until I get home at around 5. There is no after school club unfortunately. She actually arrives at mine at lunchtime for my dog too. I pay her £120 a month, it’s not a lot but it’s all I can afford and it definitely helps her out.
She has always helped out loads and will have him for me to go out in the evening if I ask and I’ve never paid her but as this is a regular arrangement, I thought I should.

If your mum wants £20 take her up on the offer and try it out. See if it works for you all, it could lead to more hours or another job.

Don't listen to those being negative about the situation. Give it a go!

PLEASE INGNORE CAPS, BAD EYSIGHT.........I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND YOUR DILEMA. MY MOTHER WAS SO LOVING AND WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR ME. SHE UNDERTOOK CHILDMINDING FOR ME, WHICH MEANT TRAVELLING BY BUS. WE WERE BOTH DELIGHTED, BUT IT WAS TOO MUCH FOR HER AND IT HAD TO STOP.......AND I FELT SO GUILTY, AS DID SHE. YOU SOUND 'ON THE VERGE' OF MOVING ON, BUT PERHAPS JUST NOT THE RIGHT TIME. IS IS POSSIBLE TO HOLD ON AND LOOK FOR WORK WHICH DOES NOT ENTAIL CHILDMINDING. E.G. AUXILLIARY NURSING WITH AN AGENCY, OVERNIGHT OR BACK SHIFTS. EQUALLY ANY OTHER BACK SHIFTS IN ANY TYPE OF WORK. A FEW HOURS HERE AND THERE? CHILDMINDING? ANYTHING THAT WILL GIVE YOU A LITTLE 'LIFT' UNTIL EITHER YOU OR YOUR PARTNER CAN MAKE SOME PROGRESS. SAME FOR YOU PARTNER. I KNOW IT IS TOUGH, AND I ALSO KNOW THINGS CAN CHANGE UNEXPECTANTLY. I LEFT SCHOOL AT 15. WORKED IN A GROCER, BOOKIE, PUB, VARIOUS OFFICE JOBS, HAD 4 KIDS, ALL WENT TO UNIVERSITY. WENT INTO ADULT FURTHER EDUCATION, ENDED UP MANAGING A HOME FOR OLDER PEOPLE AND THEN A SOCIAL WORKER/ CARE MANAGER. NO-ONE WOULD HAVE EVER HAVE THOUGHT I WOULD HAVE ENDED UP WHERE I WAS, FROM A VERY BAD BACKGROUND. TIMES ARE HARD, BUT DON'T LOOSE THE ABILITY TO CHOOSE......JUST KEEP ON TRYING.....GOOD LUCKX

It doesn't matter what's normal for other people, your Mum might need the money and so not be able to afford doing it for free. Ot maybe she takes the view that if she's paid, it puts it more on a formal footing, who knows?
You need to discuss this fully, both about the money and about what your expectations are... if she is literally just plonking them in front of the telly in her own home then that's different to doing activities/homework/taking them to the park etc. If she's putting herself out by travelling a distance to your house at times that she might not otherwise be up/out then that makes a difference too.
If you can't talk about it, it doesn't bode well. Be honest and open, tell her what the going rate for a childminder is, take into account the fact you can't use childcare vouchers and it is probably cash in hand for her, talk about food/snacks/outings and see what agreement you can reach.

Theres nothing better than a good set of grandparents for childcare. On the other hand ours would never even take a penny so we sent them away now and then for paid weekend breaks and always made sure it was all inclusive.

That's really reasonable for your mum to only ask 20 quid, probably for her petrol. For those saying it's not alot, I suppose it's just getting the older 3 out the door and the youngest for a few hours so not all 4 kids all the hours and probably only gur a couple mornings a week. I'd maybe increase it a bit if she covers school holidays and has them all. But glad it's looking like you and your partner can keep your jobs

I see nothing wrong with paying your mother for childcare especially if it's multiple days a week for long term. Watching kids for hours, a few days a week is not easy especially as an older person. I would never not pay my own mother is she watched my child regularly every week.

I would offer half of going rate for each child. That way you both "win" she gets some spending money and you are paying a lot less than you would using professional childcare services.

@CraftyIrishMamma It’s pretty vile to not want a proper relationship with grandchildren. But each to their own.