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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be fed up he hasn't checked in?

174 replies

itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 01:14

Dh is away with work. He went early doors this morning and isn't due back until later tomorrow. I last 'spoke ' to him at 3.30pm about a class party. It's now past 1 and I've heard nothing from him. He normally texts when he's finished work, got to his room, is heading out for tea etc.
he hates being away hence the back and forth we normally do.
(FYI happily married for over ten years, been together twenty years. No issues there)
I've messaged him around 8pm telling him that me and our daughters were settling down to watch a programme that the three of us watch without him. I didn't check my phone again until late but still nothing. Checked on his 'find my' and the last check in it did was at 11.45pm.
Then i start worrying. Send a couple of where are you? Are you ok messages. Then an hour later one of his colleagues messages saying 'husband has had his stuff nicked but is back at the hotel and his phone is going on charge'
So now I'm worrying what has been stolen and also weirded out that one of his colleagues who I have never had dealings with is messaging me.
Argh. I think I'm probably just overtired.

OP posts:
Nordicrain · 04/05/2023 06:50

I go away for a work a fair bit and some trips are mad. There's the work of course, but then there's all the (mandatory) socialising. Often it's work, then into the hotel for a quick change and maybe check some work emails, then down for drinks, out for dinner, post dinner drinks etc. There's literally not 2 minutes to call. And even finding the time and headspace to text can sometimes be a struggle.

It sounds like he had similar, got drunk and his phone died.

I think you need to chill out. I hate being hassled when it's like the above, there's nothing I can do about it and a barrage of text messages makes me feel like crap. I always expect no contact from DH, except maybe a good morning text to let me know he's ok, when he goes away for similar reasons.

Pseudonamed · 04/05/2023 06:59

Have you heard from him yet op?

Original poster
itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:08

He's away with work a lot so I don't keep track of where he's staying which I now realise is stupid.
He's definitely not 'got lucky' his colleague wouldn't cover up like that.
She messaged me through Facebook. We aren't friends on there but when I saw that i had a message from her I read it. If she had said she was with him I'd have called but she said he had gone back to the room.
I'm thinking he's had his work bag stolen which would have had his charger etc in. His location from his phone is now unknown.
He text me not long after I sent this saying he had had a bad night. I've been awake most of the night worrying.
I’ve just messaged his colleague back with my phone number and asked her to get him to call me when she sees him.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:09

GoodChat · 04/05/2023 05:59

You'd spoken to him 8 hours before you posted. You know he's fine. This sounds a bit full on.

But that's usual for us. That's why I posted.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:10

Pseudonamed · 04/05/2023 06:59

Have you heard from him yet op?

No, I've messaged my number to his colleague who may see him today. I've reinstalled Twitter and messaged on that just in case he's got his iPad.

OP posts:
monotonemusings · 04/05/2023 07:10

itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:09

But that's usual for us. That's why I posted.

Show quote history

I think that's the key here. You know what is normal and this doesn't fit normal.

Original poster
itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:10

knittingaddict · 04/05/2023 06:44

Not sure that op thought this one through.7

I have no idea what you mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
itsokiwasawake · 04/05/2023 07:13

@monotonemusings yes. Totally against what he's normally like for the past twenty years.
To the pp who said that you would be fed up by my pestering it wasn't like I had heard from him recently. He will often call me in the brief time between leaving work/going to the hotel/getting changed. That's our normal. Or if he can't call he will take a few seconds to tell me he's off out for tea.

OP posts:
Greenfairydust · 04/05/2023 07:23

''@itsokiwasawake · Today 07:10
Pseudonamed · Today 06:59

Have you heard from him yet op?

No, I've messaged my number to his colleague who may see him today. I've reinstalled Twitter and messaged on that just in case he's got his iPad.''

Seriously, you need to chill.

You have been told what happened: some of his stuff likely went missing and was recovered (or his phone would not be charging). He went to sleep as it was late and will contact you today.

End of story.

It would bother the hell out of me if a partner expected me to account for my time like this and start over-thinking everything.

Life does not always go smoothly it doesn't mean there is anything suspicious about it or that there is a need to turn it into a major issue.

If something bad had happened to your partner, his workplace would have notified you. He is not in the middle of the desert with no one at his side, he is at a work event...

Pseudonamed · 04/05/2023 07:25

I understand where you are coming from OP. My DP works away and we are in constant contact through the day. I would be worried had I not heard from him in hours too.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 04/05/2023 07:25

They must be wasted if they think that cover up message from the colleague makes any sense at all. It doesn’t. It’s nonsense.

AtChoService · 04/05/2023 07:35

It's not odd to talk through the day.

What I find odder is this MN thing of going away and not speaking/texting/checking in from the moment you leave until the second you get home. That's not normal imo.

Deadpalm · 04/05/2023 07:44

I am not sure what the problem is?
He had stuff nicked, phone died, they or he were sorting it so I am assuming trying to get his stuff or speaking eith police etc. Then colleague managed to find OP on fb and tell her XH eill be putting phone on charge soon as they got back to the hotel.
Totally plausible. Some phones charge a before you can turn them off. Or maybe he was absolutely nackered after all that.
Husband had his stuff nicked but still get moaned about....
What am I missing, why are half acting like it's some grand Aghata Christie mystery?

Shep21 · 04/05/2023 07:52

It doesn’t matter if what’s happened is ‘plausable’. You love him, are used to hearing from him and naturally you started to worry. Completely understand why you’ve downloaded apps etc which mean you could get in touch with him if he’s able to see them. Worrying for someone you love is natural, and not being given a full picture will make you anxious. Hope you get to have a proper phone call with him soon and he gets home safely.

EndsandBegins · 04/05/2023 07:53

It does sound odd that his phone was charging so he couldn’t text you but his colleague could. If she had your number, he could have called you from her phone in any case. He is obviously avoiding you. And the ‘bad night’ comment. I would want to speak to him to find out what was going on.

ExtraOnions · 04/05/2023 07:57

EndsandBegins · 04/05/2023 07:53

It does sound odd that his phone was charging so he couldn’t text you but his colleague could. If she had your number, he could have called you from her phone in any case. He is obviously avoiding you. And the ‘bad night’ comment. I would want to speak to him to find out what was going on.

Read the Thread … the colleague messaged via Facebook. Nobody is avoiding anyone.

VisionsOfSplendour · 04/05/2023 07:57

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 04/05/2023 07:25

They must be wasted if they think that cover up message from the colleague makes any sense at all. It doesn’t. It’s nonsense.

In what way?

Having your stuff stolen isn't nonsense, what have I missed?

Shinyandnew1 · 04/05/2023 08:06

He text me not long after I sent this saying he had had a bad night. I've been awake most of the night worrying.I’ve just messaged his colleague back with my phone number and asked her to get him to call me when she sees him.

If he’s now text you to say he’s had a bad night, then you know that he’s awake and his phone is charged up and working. Why would you message his colleague and ask her to get him to call you when she sees him? Why not just ring him on his charged up phone??

MissyB1 · 04/05/2023 09:09

Ring him.

Deadpalm · 04/05/2023 09:16

Shinyandnew1 · 04/05/2023 08:06

He text me not long after I sent this saying he had had a bad night. I've been awake most of the night worrying.I’ve just messaged his colleague back with my phone number and asked her to get him to call me when she sees him.

If he’s now text you to say he’s had a bad night, then you know that he’s awake and his phone is charged up and working. Why would you message his colleague and ask her to get him to call you when she sees him? Why not just ring him on his charged up phone??

I lnow.

Tbh sometimes when you have proper shit night like this, you just don't want to talk to anyone.

Colleague is now being dragged into something and she will know it and not be happy about it

PhoenixIsFlying · 04/05/2023 10:12

As previous poster said, are you sure you have used all the shoelace holes, I'm sure there is another set of holes and that would shorten the tongue

PhoenixIsFlying · 04/05/2023 10:13

Oh sorry I posted on the wrong thread. Ignore above

Hbh17 · 04/05/2023 10:25

Adults don't need to "check in". He is obviously fine, so not sure why you would be worried. Possibly, if he had had a theft, he may have been busy sorting stuff out. I know everyone is different, but I just don't understand how people can live like this - my husband would not bother to mention any of this until he got back home, thank goodness!

Lochjeda · 04/05/2023 10:35

Why not just call his phone if he has already text why are you sending your number to the colleague to ask him to call. This is all weird.

AutumnCrow · 04/05/2023 10:40

Lochjeda · 04/05/2023 10:35

Why not just call his phone if he has already text why are you sending your number to the colleague to ask him to call. This is all weird.

Well quite. I was sympathetic; but this doesn't make sense.

'He text me not long after I sent this saying he had had a bad night' - 07.08

'Have you heard from him yet op?' - 'No, I've messaged my number to his colleague who may see him today' - 07.10

I can't make that compute in my head.