Page 11 | To think that this is a fair allocation of rooms ?

roomallocations · 2023-05-02T13:21:51+00:00

Ds1 (20) ASD and full time work (night shifts or awkward times but always needs to sleep for some part or all of the day) Dd (15) ASD and needs her own room Ds2 (13) Ds 3 (11) Dss (15) Rooms are as follows : Ds1 loft room with en suite Dd1 small bedroom Ds2, Ds3 and Dss - biggest room (fits 3 single beds, a wardrobe , 2 drawer units and a desk. It’s really huge. Tiny box room for me and dh Dss is here 3 weekends a month Dss, Dh and Dss mum are saying that he needs his own room - they want him to swap with Ds1 as said it is only fair that he has his own space . Ds1 works nights and pays rent so I think should keep his room . DS1 and Dd are mine from a previous relationship, ds 2 and 3 are dh as well I think it’s fair how things are. Dh is now saying why isn’t Ds1 thinking about moving out ?!!! It difficult for him and I’m just pleased he’s working and managing he isn’t ready to move out

Flatandhappy · 03/05/2023 00:53

So DSS thinks he should have his own room at both houses despite the fact that he only spends part of the time at yours, meanwhile your DS1 should lose his space so it can be kept free for when DSS shows up. Spoilt brat, I would be beyond pissed off that your DH is supporting this and can only assume his mum is deliberately shit stirring. Maybe your DH can go and get himself a two bed apartment for himself and his son.

NumberTheory · 03/05/2023 01:03

ElEmEnOhPee · 02/05/2023 20:43

https://www.quick-garden.co.uk/camping-pod-brittany-3m-x-6m-10x20-ft-28-mm.html

Any way you could afford a garden pod like this? it'd be ideal for DS1 (20) which would free up the loft space, that's if you have the space in the garden for it. He'd have more independence but you'd be right there should he need you too.

In what way is a fancy looking but bathroom-less and uninsulated garden shed “ideal” for someone working nights?

NoThanksymm · 03/05/2023 01:04

If you need the money for rent then I think it’s totally reasonable. your oldest son is doing you a solid, thank you, have a bathroom. Also if it’s the quietest room then it’s great.

if not, you should be in be in the ensuite room. Could look more fair.

the 3 boys clearly have to share a room.

id suggest, by the ages of your kids, that something else is going on.

your husband is being unreasonable, he needs to figure out what is going on with his kid.

if the kid is only spending limited time in that house it would be totally unreasonable for him to demand his own room.

SleepingStandingUp · 03/05/2023 01:14

@ElEmEnOhPee ·

Any way you could afford a garden pod like this? it'd be ideal for DS1 (20) which would free up the loft space, that's if you have the space in the garden for it. He'd have more independence but you'd be right there should he need you too.
Even if OP kicks her eldest into the garden SHED / he moves out, the attic room still shouldn't go to DS'S.
He's 15, so is DD. She's there ful time and the only female child. Makes way more sense she has the en suite. Op and her partner would then either take the large room and the two younger boys the small and DSs the box if he has to be alone, or the boys stay, op takes the small and DSs still gets the box.

CoffeeYes · 03/05/2023 01:53

Loft room with en suite - you and DH (as you are sharing)
Small bedroom - DS1 (as he has his own room)
Box room - DD (as she has her own room due to her sex, not her ASD)
Biggest room - the other three boys

But honestly @roomallocations I don’t think the house is big enough unless DS1 leaves home. You and DH shouldn’t have the box room.

RunningUpThatMill · 03/05/2023 01:57

@CoffeeYes what if 20 year old son needs a piss at 1pm? He works nights. Surely it is better if he is kept separate from the rest of the household, you know, whilst he is trying to sleep.

CoffeeYes · 03/05/2023 01:58

CoffeeYes · 03/05/2023 01:53

Loft room with en suite - you and DH (as you are sharing)
Small bedroom - DS1 (as he has his own room)
Box room - DD (as she has her own room due to her sex, not her ASD)
Biggest room - the other three boys

But honestly @roomallocations I don’t think the house is big enough unless DS1 leaves home. You and DH shouldn’t have the box room.

Actually, if the step son is only there 6 days a month then it’s fine for 3 to share a room. DS1 and DD should have the smallest rooms as they don’t have to share with anyone.

CoffeeYes · 03/05/2023 02:03

RunningUpThatMill · 03/05/2023 01:57

@CoffeeYes what if 20 year old son needs a piss at 1pm? He works nights. Surely it is better if he is kept separate from the rest of the household, you know, whilst he is trying to sleep.

Plenty of people live in a house with one bathroom and work night shifts. Not sure why there’s an issue with people needing a wee at 1pm. If he needs a wee then he just goes for a wee? It’s OP’s and DH’s house so they should have the loft room with en-suite. He can have the small room and DD has the box room.

RunningUpThatMill · 03/05/2023 02:10

CoffeeYes · 03/05/2023 02:03

Plenty of people live in a house with one bathroom and work night shifts. Not sure why there’s an issue with people needing a wee at 1pm. If he needs a wee then he just goes for a wee? It’s OP’s and DH’s house so they should have the loft room with en-suite. He can have the small room and DD has the box room.

Show quote history

Yes, many people do have to share, but in this scenario, they don't. OP is obviously happy taking the smaller room to allow her 20 year old son to have a bit of privacy as he works nights.

He's a 20 year old lad, who works nights. He possibly can't help what things happen to him physiologically when he needs a piss. Ever heard of 'morning glory'. Imagine that at 1pm, 2pm or whenever, when the rest of the family might be there.

He's where he should be, and the OP is happy with her son having a bit of privacy.

Liorae · 03/05/2023 02:10

WotNoUserName · 02/05/2023 14:32

I would suggest he moves out and finds a place where his son can have his own room if he doesn't like any of your suggestions.

I agree.

fUNNYfACE36 · 03/05/2023 02:11

MrsTerryPratchett · 02/05/2023 15:39

Yes my house, but apparently it counts that he has contributed to all bills and decorating / any work done etc etc so he thinks he has a say

I would be careful with this one. He thinks your house is becoming his house.

If he pays half the running xosts hw has half the say in living arrangements. I have to say having 5 children in such a small house is insane!

user1492757084 · 03/05/2023 02:38

It's a fair arrangement.
The boy is used to his own space. His home with you involves more people so it's logical that the bathroom will be busy.
It's teaching him to be considerate and more adaptable.

Other than making his space more private within the large shared room there is not much to do.

Can you give him a bunk bed/high bed and put a curtain around it so that the space underneath is out of bounds to others? Your SS can have a desk or bean bag reading space etc.

Also lack of sunlight might not bother him. Has your husband spoken with him about the screened off option without a window?

nomoredrivingytu · 03/05/2023 02:53

DSS is being ridiculous, but that's what 15 year olds do.... DH on the other hand..

SD1978 · 03/05/2023 03:21

As MN is so fond of saying, No is a complete sentence. You have configured the house in the best way you can to accomodate everyone. You've offered the solution of partitioning. The answer is No. No discussion needed.

user1492757084 · 03/05/2023 03:28

Also, while being more than fair, it is loads better than previous generations had to put up with.
Your SS is being spoilt.

He has the best room (in his mothers'house) for most of the week then shares only for some days.

When and if your oldest son ever can move into his own place with some friends then his spare room should be given to the 13 year old who every night shares with one or two others.
Even now I would consider letting hit share that bathroom and use the desk while his older brother is at work.

Fraaahnces · 03/05/2023 05:07

Your adult DS pays for the privelage of his bathroom and privacy and he lived there before DH and DSS moved in. DH is a CF if he thinks his “visiting” DS who is there roughly 1/3 of the time your DS is and does not pay rent in YOUR house gets to dictate what is fair. If he wants to stay more, he stays under the conditions he was staying in prior to this.
Both DH and DSS need to be reminded that you are ALLOWING them to stay in your home. It is not their RIGHT to do so. If they make your DS feel uncomfortable in his own home, then they might need to make other arrangements for themselves.

Fraaahnces · 03/05/2023 05:08

Also, should DS move out… the kid who is being left out should be getting the loft room, not the bloody visiting twerp.

Noodles1234 · 03/05/2023 05:54

I do feel for DSS, it can’t be easy for him and he obviously doesn’t like sharing or SM wouldn’t have asked. As adults we see it as options, kids often don’t like sharing rooms with blended families. However I don’t see how moving DS1 out for an odd night here and there.

is there room for an extension?

nomoredrivingytu · 03/05/2023 06:10

Noodles1234 · 03/05/2023 05:54

I do feel for DSS, it can’t be easy for him and he obviously doesn’t like sharing or SM wouldn’t have asked. As adults we see it as options, kids often don’t like sharing rooms with blended families. However I don’t see how moving DS1 out for an odd night here and there.

is there room for an extension?

Oh yes just drop £30k plus on an extension because one child "doesn't like" something.

Why should DS1 be turfed out of his space "now and then".

Why can't DSS put up with sharing now and then instead?

OP don't pander to the whim of a child.

Zanatdy · 03/05/2023 06:23

Absolutely not would it be right to give the DSS DS’s room when he’s not even there full time. It’s just tough isn’t it, he’s got a lot of siblings and has to share. If he asked to stay an extra weekend then he can’t feel that uncomfortable. I’d be pretty annoyed at DP for suggesting your eldest moves out. No. Why should he feel forced out so his step brother can have his room. He’s sharing with kids who are his bio siblings and many kids have to share rooms. That’s just how it is.

ZombieMumEB · 03/05/2023 06:26

Well done to your DS1 for working and coping in a crowded house. Having his own ensuite and a quieter place to sleep could be all the difference in him staying in his job. (my oldest has ASD)

Your DSS is acting greedy. He already has his own room to himself, but now he wants 2 - one of them he will only use 6 times out of 30/31 days. If it's so important to your DH that DSS has 2 separate rooms - DH and DSS can find another place to live.

regenerista · 03/05/2023 06:36

I would absolutely not turf ds1 out of his room so that dss who comes three nights a month can have the en suite.

I think how you have it now is the only way you can possibly do it. Don't be pressured!

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 06:47

WotNoUserName · 02/05/2023 14:32

I would suggest he moves out and finds a place where his son can have his own room if he doesn't like any of your suggestions.

So, to cater to SC, her DS, who pays rent and is getting his life together should just get kicked to the curb.

How very...quaint.

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 06:53

Flatandhappy · 03/05/2023 00:53

So DSS thinks he should have his own room at both houses despite the fact that he only spends part of the time at yours, meanwhile your DS1 should lose his space so it can be kept free for when DSS shows up. Spoilt brat, I would be beyond pissed off that your DH is supporting this and can only assume his mum is deliberately shit stirring. Maybe your DH can go and get himself a two bed apartment for himself and his son.

Thank you and ITA!
I find it amazing that some posters here actually think that the spoiled little brat boy should get his own room, "just because he wants it" and his azz of a DM and DF think he deserve it for a few nights a month.

So, hey, kick DS1 out because what SC wants, he should get. Never mind that it's the OP's house, therefore DS1's house too. A DS who pays rent and needs to sleep during the day, including holidays when the other kids are NOT in school or are off for summer break.

Just un-fricking believable that ANYONE thinks anything about that is okay. The pure audacity. 😡
SMDHATSMNers.

nomoredrivingytu · 03/05/2023 06:55

@Nanaof1 I think that poster meant her DH not her DS? As in her DH wants his DS to have his own room, so go and sort it out elsewhere.