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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

637 replies

SpringPop · 02/05/2023 08:16

Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
TodayInahurry · 02/05/2023 08:19

Sadly because there are so many overweight people now it is taken as the norm. Diets of unhealthy food, especially takeaways and high calorie drinks all contribute.

Handsnotwands · 02/05/2023 08:19

So not “we” but your husband

Fizbosshoes · 02/05/2023 08:21

I think some people might be in denial about what a healthy weight/body size is. (Although I don't think you can always accurately tell someone's weight simply by looking at them)

I also think it's unhealthy to be very underweight.

I also think that a lot of MN have ED so might have a skewed idea on what a healthy weight and size is

pinknsparkly · 02/05/2023 08:22

I don't think YABU at all. I lost quitr a reasonable amount of weight last year to get down to a BMI of 22. I've since got pregnant so the pounds are going back on. Last week my sister my said that she had been quite worried about how skinny I'd looked and that she was glad I didn't lose any more weight. Aside from the fact that, like you, I absolutely wasn't on a starvation diet or even a deliberate weight loss diet. I'd been diagnosed as pre-diabetic so reduced my carbs to reverse the diabetes. Honestly, a BMI of 22 is the middle of the healthy range... 🤔 I think it's genuinely because they love us and that's the size they're used to seeing us at so losing too much makes us look less "like us" if you see what I mean!

MrFlibblesEyes · 02/05/2023 08:23

I'm almost 5ft 3 and weigh about 8st7 and I think I look about right. I wear an 8 but I probably look about the equivalent of a 10 on an average height person so not skinny at all. Keep up your good work, it sounds like your you're losing weight healthily!

RichardHeed · 02/05/2023 08:24

Do I think society has “lost” what a “healthy” weight is? Possibly.

Do I think this was a goady as fuck thread and your language is incredibly hyperbolic? Abso-fucking-lutely

Original poster
SpringPop · 02/05/2023 08:25

@Handsnotwands i have had a few other well meaning comments about looking good. I just can’t see it. I look awful in photos I saw at weekend.

my insta is also full of body positivity. Love your curves. You can still be fit if you weigh this much etc… it’s very much a trend these days.

I get that it’s important to love your body and have some positivity but truth is… I’m fat. I look silly. And I’m not as fit as I was.

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 02/05/2023 08:25

I agree. I feel great at 12 stone but ita still a stone over my healthy max weight

meatbaseddessert · 02/05/2023 08:29

Depends what you mean by healthy I guess. Skinny or slim people can be unhealthier than a fatter person depending on their lifestyle. I had a slim friend whose diet consisted of mars bars, cheese toasties, cigarettes and cocktails. her metabolism was ridiculously quick.

I'm pretty porky but a long distance runner and have a low carb diet based on healthy fats, fish , meat and green veggies. My bloods are all fine and visceral fat is actually quite low. Very slow metabolism and always have.

Not sure who would be the 'healthiest' among us.

But yes, it's the whole 'be kind' shit. I've got ankle and feet problems and been to GP and physio. I know it's probably not helped by carrying an extra 3 stone in weight but no one has said 'hey drop some weight and you'll probably fix 90% of this'. Tbh I wish they would to snap me into action but no one would dare.

Skinnermarink · 02/05/2023 08:29

I think we’ve ‘lost sight’ of interesting threads on Mumsnet to be honest and that’s why we end up with goady shite like this.

You sound like you’d have low self esteem and worth whatever weight you’re at tbh.

PaltnSepper · 02/05/2023 08:30

Perhaps you could accept that "great" and "lovely" don't have to mean "not fat"? People can look both those things completely separate to their weight.

Of course if you are determined to start a deliberately goady thread with the top Mumsnet bingo-phrase even in the title, that won't actually be a useful tip.

DisappearingHelen · 02/05/2023 08:32

It’s really sad how skewed your own view of yourself is. By all means lose the weight in a healthy way if it makes you feel healthier and fitter. But why are you telling yourself you look ridiculous, silly, like a ball, fat etc. you may objectively be ‘fat’/‘overweight’ but you hatred of the way you look is a step towards an eating disorder (preoccupation and disgust of self image).

if you want to be healthy, be healthy mentally as well as physically. Your harsh judgement of yourself based on looks is horrid (imagine if you did that to a friend - she’d be so upset and it’d be so unnecessary). Try and be non-judgemental about the way you and others look and ignore all the others’ opinions. They’re just trying to be nice because they love you. Nothing to shame them about either (it’s not about them not knowing a healthy weight)

Northtosouth · 02/05/2023 08:32

YANBU.
I’m 5ft 3 too and weigh around 8stone 9 normally (although 38 weeks pregnant and currently 10 stone 5). If I creep up to nearer 9 I definitely start to feel unhealthy and bigger than I should be. I wouldn’t class myself as looking skinny at that weight either, just normal and healthy.

good luck with your weight loss, it sounds like you’re doing it in a manageable and consistent way.

Can2022getanyworse · 02/05/2023 08:32

Humans are not meant to carry extra weight.

I agree op. Being overweight can lead to so many health problems, yet we don't talk about it. We're not allowed to comment that folk are carrying excess weight in the spirit of 'being kind'. Programmes like My 600lb life, or 1000lb sisters are making being overweight acceptable, never mind the health problems that we are storing up for later life.

50 years ago people weren't massively overweight (in as many number as we see today), people ate healthy diets generally because there simply wasn't the bombardment of convenience food and unhealthy snacks in such abundance. Women (generally) didn't work out of the home, men expected dinner on the table (huge generalisation there, maybe a decade or so before then), we didn't nip in the car to pick up a takeaway as women had the time to make a good family meal.

I'm about a stone over where I'd feel much better in my clothes and my brain and it is hard to shift it at 50, it has rather sneaked up on me in the last 3 years due to falling for convenience food over lifestyle choices.

mynameiscalypso · 02/05/2023 08:33

Yes, there can be health implications for being severely overweight but I think I've done far more damage to my physical and mental health through years of obsessively trying to reach a healthy weight and restricting/binging.

Wowzel · 02/05/2023 08:33

I am around the same height and weight as you and can clearly see i need to lose around 5-10kg. I don't feel healthy either

Notfeelinglikemyselftoday · 02/05/2023 08:33

I often think people project their own insecurities when commenting on other peoples bodies. If you don't loose anymore weight, they don't have to question their own health.

Skinnermarink · 02/05/2023 08:34

No one thinks the people who end up on My 600kb Life are at an acceptable weight, for fuck’s sake 🙄

It is literally a programme about people last ditch do-or-die attempt at not eating themselves to death.

Mephisneon · 02/05/2023 08:34

There's been loads of debunking of bmi and it's origins. Do some research. I'm surprised so many people just accept it. Things take a long time to move forward in the medical profession due to teaching etc but the info is oy there.

bellac11 · 02/05/2023 08:34

Did your husband actually say you didnt look overweight, or did he just say you look lovely and great as per your OP?

Those are 2 different things.

I think a lot of people look better with a few extra pounds on them, similarly there are people who definitely dont.

bellac11 · 02/05/2023 08:36

Can2022getanyworse · 02/05/2023 08:32

Humans are not meant to carry extra weight.

I agree op. Being overweight can lead to so many health problems, yet we don't talk about it. We're not allowed to comment that folk are carrying excess weight in the spirit of 'being kind'. Programmes like My 600lb life, or 1000lb sisters are making being overweight acceptable, never mind the health problems that we are storing up for later life.

50 years ago people weren't massively overweight (in as many number as we see today), people ate healthy diets generally because there simply wasn't the bombardment of convenience food and unhealthy snacks in such abundance. Women (generally) didn't work out of the home, men expected dinner on the table (huge generalisation there, maybe a decade or so before then), we didn't nip in the car to pick up a takeaway as women had the time to make a good family meal.

I'm about a stone over where I'd feel much better in my clothes and my brain and it is hard to shift it at 50, it has rather sneaked up on me in the last 3 years due to falling for convenience food over lifestyle choices.

Are you serious? Those shows are about people close to death because of their weight!!!!

Onegingerhead · 02/05/2023 08:37

My husband is the opposite which could be quite annoying. He was bluntly telling me I look visibly fat when my BMI got to the whopping digit of 26. And no, he’s not an abuser, he just says what he thinks lol. And I m fairly tall, 5’10’’. But I also started having problems with blood pressure so I decided to lose weight..
I got to BMI 22 now.
Tbh, I don’t know. I do think British people are overweight as a nation but it’s a huge taboo to discuss or suggest a person A could do with some weight loss as you would be shouted fat shaming..

U2HasTheEdge · 02/05/2023 08:38

'We have lost sight of what a healthy weight is' is trotted out on every thread about weight, like it's some kind of groundbreaking statement.

It's the new 'Get your ducks in a row'.

CupEmpty · 02/05/2023 08:38

These threads never go well. FWIW I completely agree with you, but most of MN won’t as they are likely to be able overweight themselves (statistically as most of the general population are). I’m 5’7 and 68kg and about a stone over weight (just had a baby and breastfeeding). I feel huge altho my bmi is probably only about 23 (haven’t calculated it- just a guess) but I have a good stone + to lose at some point, but people keep saying the same to me.

bellac11 · 02/05/2023 08:38

meatbaseddessert · 02/05/2023 08:29

Depends what you mean by healthy I guess. Skinny or slim people can be unhealthier than a fatter person depending on their lifestyle. I had a slim friend whose diet consisted of mars bars, cheese toasties, cigarettes and cocktails. her metabolism was ridiculously quick.

I'm pretty porky but a long distance runner and have a low carb diet based on healthy fats, fish , meat and green veggies. My bloods are all fine and visceral fat is actually quite low. Very slow metabolism and always have.

Not sure who would be the 'healthiest' among us.

But yes, it's the whole 'be kind' shit. I've got ankle and feet problems and been to GP and physio. I know it's probably not helped by carrying an extra 3 stone in weight but no one has said 'hey drop some weight and you'll probably fix 90% of this'. Tbh I wish they would to snap me into action but no one would dare.

How do you know your visceral fat is low by the way?