We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

I have recently lost weight and people have now started with the "ooh, don't lose any more weight" comments. I have a bmi of 23 - so the top end of healthy for my height - I weigh 11 stone but could go down to 8 stone 11 and still be in the healthy range so I'm hardly skinny!

I remember the first time I did my bmi and came up as being in the "overweight" category, I was so shocked! I knew I needed to lose a few pounds but I really hasn't expected to be classed as overweight - it was a wake-up call.

I agree that a lot of our body image comes from comparing ourselves to people around us and girls don't seem as bothered about being skinny nowadays as they did when I was growing up in the 90's. If people around you are getting bigger, you won't have so much of a problem with getting bigger yourself. I live in a very nice, affluent area where everyone is slim - you really don't see many fat people so when I put on weight I am hyper-aware of it and feel self conscious.

Most people know that there is a crisis with obesity and people being overweight. You'd have to have been living under a rock not to know this.

I'm not sure that your husband trying to be kind and affectionate to you is the worst example of this. I'm sure he is aware that you are overweight but has weighed up (no pun intended) the level of harm and has concluded that making you feel needlessly shit about your appearance is unlikely to be constructive.

I'm not sure he can win that one can he? If he'd told you looked fat you would understandably be upset. But you seem to be irritated that he's chosen to be diplomatic about it

There is a huge ongoing challenge with weight in this society which has been discussed endlessly (not least on this thread) but many of us would rather not make someone with a weight problem feel stigmatised and upset.

Because a person with an eating disorder is more likely to harm themselves than someone carrying a few extra pounds and a person carrying a few extra pounds doesn't need to be endlessly hit over the head with this piece of information by people who love them.

I have never seen more denial about weight than on MN.

OP...I am 5ft 3 and I weigh 14 stone. Am I overweight or just curvy?

Not at al OP l, I am 5ft and I weigh 18 stone and if I lose any more I look like a lollipop.
I am overweight and healthier than the majority of my slim friends.
I can lift 600 kg so I am just muscly and not fat at all.
My child just has some puppy fat/is solid/big boned...she will grow into it.
Only dogs like bones.
None of my health issues are from being overweight....I can climb a mountain!
My doc had the AUDACITY to tell me to lose weight for my health. I am the healthiest person I know. How DARE he!
I don't eat any junk food at all, I don't know why I am this size, got checked and doc doesn't know either..It's a mystery!

There are many, many reasons for being overweight. A lot of people are very aware they are overweight and try to do something about it or do indeed have a medical issue which makes it so much harder to shed the pounds. It is a very complex issue and not one fixed by diets.
The more dangerous issue is that a lot of people DO NOT believe they are overweight. Their idea of what is fat has become so skewed that they think they are normal or curvy or womanly or all there or other such descriptions that really mean overweight.

You’re right OP.

There was a comment on another thread about the average size of a UK woman being a size 16. That could well be true, but most people would be overweight at a size 16 as you’d have at least a 34 inch waist which is very unhealthy.

If most people are overweight, it becomes normalised.

Add in the media spin where you have people like Lizzo “celebrating her body” or “flaunting her curves” when in reality she probably has a ton of health issues and needs to lose a LOT of weight!

YANBU. I think it's mostly because people have lost sight of what normal portion sizes are for children. In MN threads where someone asks "Is this too much food for my toddler" they end up listing a massive daily menu with the same amount of food as for an adult. Yet 99% of replies are overwhelmingly reassuring saying it's perfectly normal, healthy, kids need the calories etc. It's completely taboo to suggest that toddlers or children only require 1/2-1/4 of adult portions and they can also learn to feel full on less. Kids are stuffed to the gills with the same things adults eat, grow up overweight, and the cycle repeats itself.

Are you very tall and a slight build? If so a BMI of 20 could be on the low side for you. Only those who are very short and slightly built should be at the bottom end IMO. For me at 5ft 1.5 I would have to weigh 7st 7 to have a BMI of 20 and although I would technically be a healthy weight I would not look healthy. I did Weightwatchers 10 years ago and got down to 8st 6 and at that weight I was a size 6 in some places.

There was an 18th-century philosopher Edmund Burke, who said, “Under the pressure of the cares and sorrows of our mortal condition men have at all times called in some physical aid to their moral consolations.”

We just put food in our mouth now, instead of cigarettes, gin, drugs as in the past.

@KimberleyClark no I am 5'6 so not especially tall and an ordinary build.

I probably look about the equivalent of a 10 on an average height person so not skinny at all.

Gotta love MN, those size 10 fat fuckers 🤣

Same as you!

I ideally need to be 55-61 at best. I remember being called fat at 67 and god knows how people viewed me at 83.

I'm 70 now and still fat but people say "you look healthy"

I bloody don't!

I am today for the first time in around a year with in my healthy weight range!! I haven’t been huge, but have had a BMI of 25-26. Today it’s 24.7!

I was talking to my friend about weight, shes very large, but is in no way sensitive about it. She thinks I’m skinny and tiny and that I don’t look any different to when I met her 15 years ago when I was over a stone lighter than I am now (I do). I’m not skinny. As I say, until literally this week I’ve been over weight for ages.

I think you’re right OP about how bigger is seen as normal now. I mainly want to loose weight for health and fitness reasons and also so I don’t outgrow my clothes! I also feel I look best at around 9 stone and would love to get there again, though I haven’t been that light for 7 or 8 years.

You are completely correct op.

If you walk down a standard British High street though there are some regional variations due to income distribution many people are overweight.

People lie all the time about weight because they want people to like them. It also means that they can fool themselves about their own weight.

I absolutely agree OP - although this thread has already started to turn into a fat shaming bunfight!

The situation is not helped by vanity sizing in women's fashion. I have put on weight over the last few years (menopause) so my BMI is now 26 (had been 24 for years). I went shopping for new clothes for a forthcoming holiday abroad as I haven't been abroad for a few years and none of my size 12 clothes fitted me around the waist. Guess what size my new clothes are? Size 12!! Yes Marks and Spencer & Next you've clearly increased the sizing!

I do exercise regularly - spin classes, lots of walking and bike rides so I'm pretty fit for my age (59) but I've always done that so it's not enough to lose weight. But I constantly get told 'you're not fat'. But I am because I'm overweight, I've got rolls of fat around my middle (the worst place from a health perspective ) and I can't use the excuse that it's all muscle which weighs more than fat!

I have friends of my age who are obese/morbidly obese and I feel sad when I see them as the effects on their physical health are plain to see - in addition to the T2 diabetes they've got.

And I really don't think the sugar tax has had any effect. I honestly believe that these sugar replacements are going to eventually be the next big health scandal!

@MrFlibblesEyes , the UK average height for a woman is 5' 3.5"

I agree. (And I say this as someone who could use losing 2 stone.) I know a couple of very large people who are almost cultishly 'body positive' (which seems to involve posting lots of bullshit pseudo science about how obesity is not bad for your health and we should all celebrate being huge.) Both of these people are in mid-late 30's, both have type 2 diabetes, one has heart issues, one has arthritis in their knees. They are lovely people in themselves but I have to distance myself from them at times because their belief system is utterly deluded....

I grew up in the 60s and 70s and we have completely lost sight of what is a healthy weight. There was one obese girl at secondary school. One! And she was on medication that caused the weight gain. Yes, there were chubby people (I was one) and those who were stocky/well built but NO ONE as large as some of the teenagers we see today.
The body positivity stuff is great for your psychological wellbeing, but what about your knees? Carrying 3-4 stones excess weight around for 30-40 years means that when you get into your 60s your knees are fucked. Believe me I know. That amount of wear and tear on your joints catches up with you eventually. By all means you carry on being you and living your best life but be prepared to spend your latter years in pain and costing the NHS a fortune. That's if the heart problems don't get you first.

I wear size 12 clothes. I’m heavier and squarer than I was pre-menopause and in my 20s I wore size 14. We all know about size inflation in the clothing industry so I’m under no illusion that I’m a bit overweight.

However, I also knit for myself and it is sobering knowing that when I use older patterns from the 60s/70s I am classed as L or XL on the garment sizing (old size 16/18).

There has been a huge paradigm shift in what ‘normal’ looks like. This is not necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, it’s just the health issues that come with carrying more weight that are the real issue.

I'm sorry, but at that height/weight you have a bmi of 49 and are in the obese category. Your doctor is telling you to lose weight.

You may be strong and able to lift weights, that doesn't mean you're healthy. Being overweight isn't necessarily from eating "junk food" - you could be eating very fatty/high sugar food and drink. For your daughters sake you should lose weight, it is dangerous to be 5ft and 18 stone - you must be putting so much strain on your small frame.

But if he told you that you "looked like a ball" you would be hurt (& he'd be slaughtered on here).

I agree with you though, 8 - 9stone is a good weight for your height (I am also 5ft 3).

You could always google what a 55 kilo woman of your height looks like. If you like what you see, set that weight as a goal would be my advice.

I know people complain about the use of BMI but as a broad brush stroke, it works. I am similar to you and am battling to get well after orthopaedic surgery. I know if I had gone into it ten kilos lighter, I would be finding this a damn sight easier and I'm not very overweight.

The normalisation of obesity in society is pernicious but all pervasive. No wonder the NHS is fucked. When I was recovering on the ward I was one of six people and four of them had what they had as a result of their weight or their diet (think terrible spine issues in a 22 stone woman and another having all toes removed in a diabetic that continues to eat chocolate HobNobs)

We have lost our way as a people.

I think body positivity has a lot to answer for with regard to normalising being overweight.

And I really don't think the sugar tax has had any effect. I honestly believe that these sugar replacements are going to eventually be the next big health scandal!

I totally agree with this!

OP you're not wrong. I'm the same height as you and my BMI is 24.5. I am not tiny, but people tell me that I am.

Sorry thepeopleversuswork I tagged the wrong post!

I don't think there's anything wrong with normalizing loving your body regardless of whether it's healthy or not. I agree we've lost sort of what a healthy nutritious diet and probably burn fewer calories in everyday life but I don't think there's anything bad about loving your curves. Some people are shaped with curves. Someone people are overweight through no fault of their own. And even if it is your fault is it so bad to love yourself? I'm sure at the end of the day if you're overweight you know it, and hating yourself probably doesn't help with overall mental health or motivation.

As a society we have definitely lost sight of what a normal weight is.

I am 5ft9 (and a half) and weigh 100kg I know I’m overweight/obese 😞 sadly due to high volumes of steroids and other medications I have been on, due to an autoimmune disease. I also have the dreaded moon face. I look hideous rolls and rolls of fat everywhere. My dh tells me I’m beautiful and he doesn’t care he just wants me to feel happy with myself.

my dc1 is just slightly under the normal range for bmi I am very conscious of it, and as a family have started to do more exercise.

dh and dc2 are perfectly normal weight/bmi