We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

Your insta is full of who you follow. Your choice . Unfollow if you don’t like their content.

I have nothing about weight gain or loss on my feed.

The state of our relationship to food in the UK it’s a miracle anyone is slim.

Fast/processed/convenience food, bottomless drinks (but it’s got sweeteners so it’s fine!), a fear of hunger and the myth that if you stop eating your metabolism slows down!

Women eating and drinking like men
How many women give themselves a smaller helping than their husband for instance?

Yes I agree op. I'm also 5'3 and I am overweight if I slip over 10 stone, and look it and feel it. I was 12 stone at start of year, am now 10st 7 and some friends are horrified I want to lose another stone and be 9st 7. That would be a healthy medium weight for me, not slim. I'd have to be under 9 stone to be slim.

I don't think calling yourself fat, a ball (and thereby other people the same weight the same) is helping anything. What do you expect them to say?! Of course you probably look better than you do and if you are working out and have lost weight you will be trimmer and more shaplier, even if you are still in the overweight BMI category.

I'm your height and weight and am neither fat or a ball. I'm a middle aged slightly overweight lady who looks fine in normal clothes, with a bit of a tyre round my middle. Nothing to find disgusting or awful or write a diatribe about.

In fact, I'm the best weight possible to live the longest and so are you. Slightly overweight people do the best in terms of longevity/mortality. It's called the 'obesity' paradox. Living longer than those who are normal or underweight BMI. Pretty obvious why if you are elderly and get sick if you have ever seen how thin many people get.

If you are obese then it may affect your current everyday health, but on that height and weight you are not obese, and you are exercising, you are near (ish) to a normal BMI and so all this self-loathing and indignation anyone payed you a compliment isn't needed.

What is ‘healthy’ to you? To me it’s eating for fuel, some treats, being reasonably active, not feeling fatigued or having aching joints etc because of too much weight. To me it’s not lots of time spent thinking about what you look like, becoming fixated on healthy eating, starting intense and unsustainable exercise regimes, spending loads of time thinking about the issue. Your husband said you look good, did he say anything about what you should do with your own body? I think it’s often the binge, restrict (which can be by exercise) cycle that makes people large

It sounds as though your DH was trying to reassure you that he still found you attractive. It's got nothing to do with losing sight of a healthy weight. But you can read umpteen threads about that very topic if it interests you. You didn't need to start another one.

Well done, OP. You have grasped the bull by the horns and you're doing really well. I'm post menopausal, 5ft 3 inches and 55 kilo. I don't want to add any weight as it goes straight to my stomach. And it just wouldn't be good for me or the country. Our health service is buckling as it is (underfunded), so shouldn't we all be doing what we can to help it? Being overweight means knee and hip replacements, type 2 diabetes, cholesterol problems, strokes and heart problems. Those mean medical interventions. Money is better spent on cancer research and treatment. Yes - being underweight because of not eating well means you're at greater risk of bone problems, but I also know fat women with osteoporosis because they eat rubbish food. 'Love your curves'? It's better to love yourself - and keep off the crisps!

Genuinely - why is it a goady title?
Its a fair enough question as 65% of the UK population are overweight or obese. Fact.
So many people don’t realise that they are in fact overweight due to vanity clothing and because so many other people are also overweight.
With a modern diet it’s actually incredibly hard to stick to the right amount of calories consistently to stay in a healthy weight range. So many extremely high calorific foods on offer than people eat as part of their daily lifestyle.
I honestly don’t get why it’s goady?
Are the ones calling it goady overweight and worried about it / don’t want it to ever be mentioned?
If you are overweight and happy then it really shouldn’t bother you.

There are umpteen topics about dogs yes another one is started every hour?
In fact pretty much every thread on here has been done before so let’s just call it a day and shut down mumsnet for any discussion shall we?

YANBU. It's actually worrying when it comes to children especially, they'll be the first generation with a high number obese through childhood, adolescence and into adulthood.

Deluded. 🤦‍♀️ No wonder we have an obesity epidemic.
No that ‘tyre’ won’t keep you safe in old age. Quite the reverse.

Yep. Feeding children a predominantly UPF diet is extremely harmful. It’s abuse really, but most people think they are treating the children. Treating them with diabetes, heart problems and cancer.

No there really, really hasn't been. BMI is an excellent guideline for the vast, vast majority of people. The number one main problem with BMI is that it is far too broad a metric to be completely relied upon. 7 points of 'healthy weight' from 18-25 is too much, it's that our healthy weight is within that region but not throughout it. For most people it's at 21-22 but depending on our body shape, bone density and muscularity some people will be healthiest at 19-20 others at 23-24. For a handful of extremely muscular people it can be over 25 but if you have that kind of muscularity, you work damned hard for it and know you aren't overweight.

BMI is also adjusted for people of Asian ethnicities because they generally have a lower threshold for weight related health issues. And that's it, for everyone it's a good basic guide of the parameters you should ideally stay within, but even at that, we should be working out what our individual healthy guidelines weight is, almost always within the general guides.

Redic. FFS.

Deluded. 🤦‍♀️ No wonder we have an obesity epidemic.
No that ‘tyre’ won’t keep you safe in old age. Quite the reverse.

But I don't think most people are arguing that it's healthy or even normal.

The point is to ask whether there is anything to be gained from making your loved ones feel shit about being overweight.

@PurpleWisteria1 shes actually not wrong that clinical evidence found slightly overweight women had the best outcome. Women put weight on in middle age naturally for a reason-oestrogen is stored in fat. She’s not talking about being in the obese category. Some people have conditions that put homeostasis out but most people would be better listening to their body, the problems come when people want to be thinner than their natural weight or they overeat for comfort or are problem drinkers etc etc. restriction of calories leads to bingeing so you have to be very careful when trying to change weight

YANBU. I agree with you. I fully support the idea that you can be attractive and overweight, and I agree that being overweight carries an unhealthy stigma and there should be more plus size models etc.

However, I dont like the fact that health seems to have been forgotten in all of this. It is not healthy to be carrying around lots of extra weight and I dont get the outrage I have seen on here when GPs dare to mention it. Obviously it should be approached in a kind and supportive manner but it is not wrong to address the fact that obesity increases the risk of cancer and various other illnesses along with joint problems and heart problems etc. I feel like the push towards affirming that you can be attractive at a larger weight has completely obliterated the idea that from a health perspective its not good for anyone. Both can be true at the same time. Being attractive is not an indicator of health and that goes for both obesity and being very underweight too.

I agree with you. I'm 5'6" and at the beginning of this year weighed 196lbs. This made me clinically obese, but the number of people I had say "oh but you're a healthy weight, you don't need to lose that much!" was actually shocking. People thought I was healthy when I was obese, because when we hear "obese" we think the kind of obesity on My 600lb Life, no one would consider an average height size 14 woman obese. But I was.

I'm lucky in that I do seem to carry it well, but I look and feel a damn sight better when I'm not this heavy. I'm 30lbs down with at least another 30 to go and people keep telling me I'm aiming to lose too much, I'm a healthy weight now I don't need to lose more etc. Even though the 130lbs I'm aiming for is a perfectly healthy weight for my height, and the 160lbs I am now is very much still overweight.

I think this thread proves your point OP!

Yes of course my DH is mindful of my feelings and I am grateful to have him. He is pretty good at things like this. He always makes me feel good about myself which is one reason I love him.

I guess I just found it interesting our conversation.

im certainly not suggesting we go round telling people they are fat. They probably already know. I certainly do!

but when they are taking steps to be healthier saying things like “don’t get too skinny” “you looked fine as you were” etc is it helpful?

Fatface jeans being baggy at size 12 yet when I go into H&M a size 16 won’t even cover my fat rolls…. It’s just not useful any of it.

I don’t want to go back to the heroin chic days of the 90s. But I think where we are as a society isn’t helping either. It’s a shame we can’t find a middle ground of what healthy looks/feels like.

I know there will always be some people at each end of the spectrum that weigh as they do due to health reasons but for me… I just didn’t move as much as I should and ate too much.

where we are today… I think we are heading for trouble. Kids on screens, deliveroo, people sitting at home watching one of the million streaming services instead of being active, kids not playing out like we did on the 90s. People using wine as a way to relieve the stress of busy day. Junk food EVERYWHERE. And right now for me the constant putting down of anyone trying to improve health.

this weekend I’ve been told “you don’t eat enough” “go on just have one wine, it won’t hurt” “are you sure you don’t want a sweet?! Go on” “you look fine as you are” etc etc etc by people other than my husband.

I think a lot of people have but it’s not new.

I was always a super skinny child but I became a bit chubby when my period started, everyone kept saying it was “puppy fat” but it wasn’t, it was a mixture of hormones and the fact no one monitored what I was eating and I didn’t have a clue about healthy eating or how bad crisps were for you etc so I could easily eat several bags a day and tons of bread etc.

I remember how much I hated my weight and when I was 11/12 I started to skip meals and developed an ED and became underweight very quickly because I had no idea how to lose the weight safely/properly.

I’ve seen a few posts recently from parents saying their child is upset at their weight and can everyone please tell them how beautiful and perfect they are but their child IS overweight, it really upsets me to see people are still dismissing their children when the voice how upset they are, surely they should listen, sit down and tell them it’s ok and support them to gain a healthier lifestyle by looking at their diet and exercise and seeing what needs to change.

For my own children I’ve not been super strict with food, they can have treats but it’s all in moderation and it’s balanced, neither of them have had any weight issues and are both super active and healthy, I’m really pleased I’ve helped them avoid what I went though.

Great post!

YANBU I’m the same height as you and at my heaviest was 13.3. i lost weight to get to a healthy BMI but then had a baby so trying to lose again! Although I never got above that weigh even when 39/40.
im now 11.10 so very much overweight, I ran a half marathon yesterday so I could kid myself I’m healthy. friends and family comment who
healthy I am. But I do need to to lose weight.

That is still far too heavy for your height. You need to lose at least another stone.

you couldn’t have chosen a more mumsnet cliche for a title 🤣