We’ve lost sight of what is a healthy weight

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Was chatting to my husband yesterday about getting to a healthy weight.

I am 5ft3 and at start of year I was weighing 80kg (12st 8)

I have hired a PT, workout 3 x weeklyand started eating healthy and now weigh around 72kg (11st 4). I’m not restricting food types or on any fad diet. I’m literally eating a balanced diet and the correct amount to lose up to 1lb a week.

I’ve done a decent start but still want to get to below 10stone where I would be a healthy weight for my height according to BMI.

I literally look like a ball in photos I took at the weekend. So fat.

He thinks I look great and lovely. Which is very kind. I literally don’t get how done people can’t see that I look fat. He’s not just being kind.

we got chatting and I Said to him that people we watch on tv that we think are “normal” (not underweight) and are similar height to me probably weigh between 8-9 stone therefore how could he not see I was overweight and not looking great.

AIBU to think no wonder we are quite an overweight nation. We equate 8stone/9stone as “skinny” but actually isn’t that healthy for someone who is just over 5ft? There should not be any shame in trying to reach a healthy weight. I kinda feel like we have lost sight of what is a healthy weight.

at 11stone/12stone, I’m not my healthiest, I’m not my fittest, I don’t look good. I’m opening myself up to more health conditions. Clothes make me look like a beach ball. I’m quite large chested and instead of making me look sexy/attractive, I just look ridiculous and almost ball shaped.

Don't you think they are being positive about your weight loss? I mean you have lost over a stone and probably look like you've lost more due to the exercise so they are saying you look good with that weight loss. It doesn't mean they won't be just as positive if you lose another stone.

Isn't something like 60% of the NHS's budget is being spent on obsessity related illness ? Joint repair, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, cancer

I’m on this journey too. I am 5ft1 and was 11st10 at the start of the year. I’m 9st12 today and still feel like I have a way to go. I think the biggest problem is what has become an acceptable portion size. It’s taken me 4 months to get used to eating smaller portions of my food, it’s been really hard. I think we all know what is healthy but it’s when you realise it doesn’t matter what you eat, if you eat more cals than you burn you gain weight. X

This. ^^
I'm 5ft4" and 8 stone.
Yes, I am slim but I'm not underweight.
Also how a body looks has a lot to do with age, muscle tone and general fitness.
If I was 10st at my age I would look like a bag full of loose stuffing. 30 years ago I would probably have looked OK.
So many pp's who are obviously overweight and accuse those who are slim of having ed or being competitive under eaters. My dsil told my dm I must be anorexic.
Love your body but don't abuse it by pretending that as long as you are presentable your weight isn't an issue. Health wise it really is.

But the trouble with that is slightly overweight is actually being seen as skinny now. Slightly overweight is about a 12-14 in clothes size.
I am middle aged and at the top of my BMI. I am a 12-14. My friendship group are all overweight and trying to lose but consider me skinny. I’m not. Another couple of pounds in and I would be in the overweight category.
I don’t have a spare tyre. Am able to wear vest tops as my arms are ok. Never get chub rub. My collar bones stick out. Yet I am almost in the obese category.
This is what this thread is about. As so many people are overweight it’s now the new normal. So being at the very top of the BMI healthy range seems fine.
There is very strong evidence that being overweight at all has a damaging effect on your health. So many problems arise from even being a little overweight. Which is why it’s pushed so heavily by the NHS to get in that healthy weight band.
Women put on weight in middle age yes, and if it was a few pounds not so bad but getting a spare tyre means you have excess fat in the most dangerous place around your organs putting you at risk from all sorts of nasty illnesses.
There is no need for middle age women to gain weight if they don’t want to. It’s NOT inevitable. Calorie deficit will always work. No matter the age.

The so-called 'gin craze' needs to be seen within the socio-economic context of the era, which is that working class people had been lured/forced into overcrowded cities by the industrial revolution and the increasing oligopolisation of the countryside and were being worked to death for next to no pay. Getting drunk was an escape.

Although the extent of the so-called 'gin craze' was exaggerated due to deeply entrenched misgynistic outrage at the idea of working class women daring to enjoy alcohol ('Gine Lane' painting a good example.)

Likewise, the current obesity epidemic needs to be seen in the context of our times, in which big tech and oligopolies plus an ever more demanding work culture force us to live increasingly diembodied lives of spending all day at a desk and seeking out quick dopamine hits from social media - none of which involves using our bodies to do what they are evolved to do, ie MOVE, RUN and WALK.

In a world which is becoming ever more stressful and isolated the big food companies then tell us the answer is hyper processed hyper palatable rubbish like refined carbs, vegan meat substitutes and ready prepared food.

Oh yes and then women are shouted at and mocked for daring to inveitably gain a bit of weight.

The obesity paradox is bullshit science. It comes from a study that deliberately excludes cancer as a cause of mortality. So everyone in the study who died of cancer was removed. As being overweight can contribute to both getting cancer and dying of cancer, removing cancer from the results shows at best, that the study is worthless and at worst, deliberately manipulated to bring about a particular conclusion. Either way it's bollocks.

As for the OP's weight, she was soundly in the obese weight range when she decided to lose weight and while out of it now, still has a BMI over 28, which is in the upper-end of over-weight. This isn't intended to be mean. It just is what it is. I know I needed to be aware of that when I went from obese to the strong, athletic woman I am now. Pretending I was fine when I wasn't made me unhealthy and frankly, old before my time.

I do think people look better at a lower weight - slim. There's no question that it looks better, aesthetically. However, I think it's a mistake to equate slim automatically with healthy. Slim people can have very bad diets and lifestyles too and we're all going to die, no matter what we look like. I've always been middle of the road. Slim when younger and about a 12 now. I think I'm healthier now than when I was very slim. I drink way less and don't smoke and my diet is better.

A few years ago DD was admitted to hospital for emergency surgery. One question I was asked was if she was a her usual weight (which she was). With everything else going on, I wasn't thinking and asked if there was an issue with her weight. Doctor said her weight was just weight, but he'd asked because many young patients were carrying extra weight, and he just wanted to check DD hadn't lost lots of weight recently.

this weekend I’ve been told “you don’t eat enough” “go on just have one wine, it won’t hurt” “are you sure you don’t want a sweet?! Go on” “you look fine as you are” etc etc etc by people other than my husband

I dont think this is about them genuinely worrying about you becoming anorexic, I suspect this is just the usual attitude you get from people when you make any positive changes. I have noticed this attitude multiple times from others whenever I have embarked on any kind of self improvement- people dont like it. They want you to stay as you are because it causes them to perhaps look at aspects of their lives that they arent happy with and you making a change causes them to look at their own lifestyle (even if you dont make a huge thing of it). Its sad but unfortunately not everyone will support you making a positive change. I dont think its about jealousy per se but its definitely a thing that happens to lots of people when they try to self improve. Lots of youtube videos on this - its a real phenomenon.

Doesn't society really dictate size? Think rubenesque? Different cultures find different things attractive and this also changes over time. "Size" is a social construct. If suddenly obese people was marketed as attractive, then everyone would want to do that. Pubic hair is a great example of social trend!!!

Not only looks better but is more comfortable to be slim. After having DD I was in the obese range 13st and I was very keen to lose it as I was out of breath, things didn’t fit properly and my thighs rubbed together.

This is the problem in a nutshell.

Admit that you're fat, when you are indeed fat, and pointing out that it has become normalised to be fat, must mean your self esteem is in the gutter.

I've put on weight. Through no excuses but bad diet and over eating. I'm fatter. I look worse. I don't have self esteem issues, I have self accountability.

You’ve done amazingly well OP to have lost a stone already.

But I totally agree that with 60% of the population overweight or obese, we’ve lost sight of what used to be normal.

To be completely honest your current weight 11st 4 is still a lot for 5’3. That’s why you’re not seeing a major difference just yet.

I’m 5’3-5’4 (technically 5’3 & 3/4) and my normal weight is 7 stone 12. (That puts my BMI at 18.7 or 19.4 depending on whether I enter 5’3 or 5’4 - within the healthy range).

The average women’s BMI in the U.K. is quite a bit higher than France and Italy. Those countries are more concerned with the health impact of being overweight than the U.K. which is relatively relaxed about it.

I actually agree with you. I've always been a healthy weight BMI and been called skinny my whole life.

I've recently had a baby and am 9st 12 - I'm only 5ft 1" so this is an overweight BMI according to my height. I have no muscle so it's accurate that this is overweight for me.

What's odd is I took my waist measurement the other day and it's 26inches and I fit into size 8-10 clothes.

I get that I'm a small build, but everyone I know tell me I'm a "normal" weight. I'm not, I'm overweight. And when I was in a healthy BMI EVERYONE said I was super skinny. I do think we've probably lost perspective of what a normal weight is, because everyone is so overweight generally, so the goalposts have moved. My mum was the same height as me and when I was growing up she was always 7st 0

In terms of OP, I think friends and partners sometimes have mixed feelings about weight loss. Your husband is used to seeing you a certain way and for you to change is going to to bring a lot of other things to the surface- for example, if he is overweight himself he may feel less secure in your relationship if you're suddenly much healthier and maybe more attractive as a result. Friends likewise can put you in a "fat" mental box and feel a bit uncomfortable when you try to get out, even if they are also pleased for you. Best to trust your own judgement. I'm not sure any of this relates to the normalisation of obesity.

It has become normalised to be fat. The increase in average BMI over the last 50 years is demonstrable - that’s just fact, nothing to do with self esteem.

That's not remotely what I inferred. I take 'skinny' to mean looking thin and boney rather than slim which I definitely don't. How is that in any way saying people at a size 10 look fat? I look a size 10 and I look fantastic thanks!

I said exactly this the other day. Despite knowing I am on fast 800 for medical reasons, people keep telling me I must eat. No, I should get support with not eating!!!!

People seem to feel threatened by other people losing weight.

Similarly, a couple of my kids have under 5% body fat, eat healthily and exercise alot. Constantly getting told their athletic physiques are too thin. Annoying as they eat constantly!

@BungleandGeorge thanks, I know I'm not wrong, I'm just amazed at the lack of knowledge on here that overweight gives a mortality advantage (i.e. die later)!

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Obesity-Paradox-Thinner-Heavier-Healthier/dp/1469090953

I try to keep my own weight on the normal side of overweight, I'd love it to be normal. I like to do exercise as it's good for my heart. Weights/weight bearing is fab for menopausal women.

But I don't go round beating myself up that I'm a few kg over the ideal weight or calling myself silly or fat or feeling awful or getting cross if people think I look fine or compliment me.

That would be a crazy way to live given the science is quite clear that people of the Op's type BMI are not the highest risk at all, far from it.

This is untrue.

All pts who are admitted to hospital have a malnutrition risk assessment done, called MUST

Part of the assessment os to check for any recent weight loss or changes to appetite.

It has nothing to do with young people being overweight so I've no idea why the doctor said that

MUST classes anyone of a bmi of 20 or under as being at increased risk of malnutrition

Totally agree. Just because you recognise you are overweight and dont look or feel comfortable in your clothes does NOT mean= low self esteem. Its having a realistic view of yourself and your lifestyle. I was overweight after having two kids and I had great self esteem and a supportive husband, but I still recognised my diet was shit and so I did something about it and lost the weight. It had nothing whatsoever to do with self esteem and everything to do with wanting to be healthier and get to a weight I felt comfortable with.

Of course it's true, whether people want to admit it or not. If you look back on photos from 40 years ago, people on the whole were much thinner. We have normalised constant snacking and fast food and eat out more than ever and we're much more sedentary as a society. That's the reality.

I’m a healthy BMI but really not fit. At Park run I am at the very very back and people twice my size lap me. So I do think that fitness is something to be aimed for, not just weight.

Your husband can't win. If he said yeah you look fat love you would feel worse. He loves you.