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Original poster

Birthday cake disappointment

154 replies

Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 05:53

I asked for one thing and one thing only on my birthday: a nice piece of cake from a number of bakeries around us. Any one of them, they're all nice. In fact, I didn't even ask for it, I was going to go buy it. Not a big cake, just a slice. I've been on a strict diet for 4 weeks for health reasons, have been looking forward to this piece of shit cake for weeks. My one splurge. No drinks out, no party, no gifts, we've had a family bereavement, we have no time or energy for a celebration.

DH insisted he will go buy it for me. Insisted I shouldn't have to go out to get it. So I said OK, lovely. What does he do? He went and got me a cheap shit massive cake from a supermarket on his way home from work. It doesn't even taste of sugar and cream but some weird chemicals that leave an awful aftertaste. I'm so gutted. That's it. Had to write it down.

No, I didn't say anything. Ate it and pretended it was nice. I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere on my own bday.

OP posts:
switswooo · 02/05/2023 05:58

You should have refused to eat it. Now he gets to feel good and you get to feel bad.

Bet he can do basic tasks at work.

He had the weekend to buy it so buying it after work is a cop out.

Northernsouloldies · 02/05/2023 06:01

Definitely a case of bigger isn't always better.

Original poster
Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:01

Yeah but then I’d have had a shit night having caused an atmosphere. Also, MIL passed away a few weeks ago so I just don’t want to have a go at him, it seems so trivial.

OP posts:
Northernsouloldies · 02/05/2023 06:06

I see your predicament. I know it would have been nicer if Dh got it, but why not take yourself to the nicest coffee shop and treat yourself. Happy birthday 🎂.

Original poster
Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:15

My birthday was yesterday, it’ll be shit today. I can’t afford the calories to just keep treating myself. Hence me letting myself enjoy proper food on my birthday.

he really fucked up my birthday last year (not in a trivial way like cake). And this year generally has been so utterly shit. Not a single source of joy in 2023.

I’ve definitely put too much hope into this cake! Why couldn’t he just let me buy it like i planned???

OP posts:
nofusspot · 02/05/2023 06:16

What did he say about it? Were the bakeries closed perhaps?

Original poster
Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:19

Nope they were not closed. He leaves work at 3pm. He was really chuffed with himself for buying such a big and nice looking cake. It is nice looking. Because it’s full of inedible shite.

OP posts:
sotiredandburntout · 02/05/2023 06:19

nofusspot · 02/05/2023 06:16

What did he say about it? Were the bakeries closed perhaps?

Just about to say the same. Would they have been closed on a bank hol?

Original poster
Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:19

We’re not in the UK, it wasn’t a bank holiday here

OP posts:
ShowUs · 02/05/2023 06:21

Unless you thought he did it maliciously then I’d let it go.

It sounds to me like he thought he was doing the right thing.

Carry on with your diet and then at the end of next month go and buy yourself the cake that you want.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/05/2023 06:21

Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:01

Yeah but then I’d have had a shit night having caused an atmosphere. Also, MIL passed away a few weeks ago so I just don’t want to have a go at him, it seems so trivial.

No, it's not trivial.

You had a conversation about him buying you a slice of nice cake from a bakery. And he said he was going to go and get it for you. He knew you were on a healthy eating plan, so should have been able to make the leap to a small slice of nice cake being good and his giant crap supermarket cake being bad.

Eating the cake he bought and pretending it was nice was the wrong thing to do. You should have said something.

ZekeZeke · 02/05/2023 06:22

I think there is more to this than a piece of cake
His general shittiness, last years screw up.
You need to sit down and talk to him.

Offleyhoo · 02/05/2023 06:22

Ah I get it, he thought he was treating you but got it really wrong. I'm sorry. Hope things improve for you 🍰💐

Original poster
Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:24

Of course there is a lot more to it than cake. All of you are right of course. I’m having a moan as I can’t have one in real life right now.

OP posts:
Eggseggseverywhere · 02/05/2023 06:26

It's the not listening isn't it? Ex bought me a huge bar of chocolate.. A brand I had never eaten in our 8 years together. He knew that was because I didn't like it.
"but I thought you might like it"..
The lack of respect for me screamed out ...
Exh.
Happy birthday for yesterday op.

BarbaraofSeville · 02/05/2023 06:31

You might not feel you can moan at him now, but you do need to discuss this properly with him, otherwise, you're basically saying that his feelings matter and yours don't. That's not fair is it?

IggyAce · 02/05/2023 06:32

Happy Birthday, I’m so sorry, I definitely would have said something. Life is too short to eat shit cake. Please treat yourself next payday, and next year insist on buying your own cake.

CymruChris · 02/05/2023 06:34

Oh OP I'm sorry this year hasn't been great. I had a year like that in 2021. My fil passed away, I had to support my husband through grief again (he had already lost his mother and brother previously). It was heartbreaking for him of course, but when I was at breaking point with stress from work/home I felt I couldn't add to his stresses by having a moan. It all broke me eventually.
Could you treat yourself in another way which doesn't involve calories? Get nails done/hair done/flowers/other activity of interest?

nofusspot · 02/05/2023 06:55

Ok so he had no excuse not to go to the bakery then.

In that case is possible there was a misinterpretation and he thought you wanted to stuff yourself with cake? Probably not from your posts you seem pretty clear to me.

What I would do is not eat this cake and go and buy yourself a slice. It's not the same but it makes the point you had made yourself very clear and will damn well do it yourself if he won't listen.

I personally would also moderate my language about the cake he bought - make it about the cake that was not bought. There is nothing inherantly wrong with the cake you were given, many people would have eaten it for their birthdays this weekend. The only issue with the cake is it is not what you wanted. The issue is with your partner.

nofusspot · 02/05/2023 06:57

Grumpy67i8 · 02/05/2023 06:15

My birthday was yesterday, it’ll be shit today. I can’t afford the calories to just keep treating myself. Hence me letting myself enjoy proper food on my birthday.

he really fucked up my birthday last year (not in a trivial way like cake). And this year generally has been so utterly shit. Not a single source of joy in 2023.

I’ve definitely put too much hope into this cake! Why couldn’t he just let me buy it like i planned???

What do you mean you can't afford the calories? Just have a slice of cake today and be done with it. Don't eat any of the cake you don't like

Wishimaywishimight · 02/05/2023 07:00

His mother died a matter of weeks ago, give him a break. I lost my dad last year, birthday cake for DH would have been way down my list of priorities for weeks/months afterwards.

I know he offered but his head is probably all over the place. Go get a nicer cake, as a bit of a treat for the both of you.

YouveGotAFastCar · 02/05/2023 07:02

nofusspot · 02/05/2023 06:57

What do you mean you can't afford the calories? Just have a slice of cake today and be done with it. Don't eat any of the cake you don't like

Show quote history

I think OP had some of the cake she didn’t want yesterday, so feels she’s “used” the calories she’d intended to use for cake.

Although I have to say, I’d go and get the nice cake. I’d try and be really on it apart from that and I’d be mindful of what it might temporarily do to progress; and I’d let DH eat the shit cake, but I’d go get the nice slice I’d been looking forward to.

Tourmalines · 02/05/2023 07:04

You should have put it in the freezer and told him to go and buy you a slice from the bakery . But cut him some slack, his mum just died .

Wishimaywishimight · 02/05/2023 07:08

I am very surprised at all the replies focussing on bloody cake when a man has just lost his mother.

Bereavement is all encompassing, it turns your world on it's head and renders a lot of things utterly meaningless for some time afterwards, it certainly did for me. I was lucky that DH supported me wholeheartedly.

If a woman posted that she was recently bereaved, having very recently lost her mum and sensed that her DH was disappointed in his birthday cake, would she be told that she really should have listened to him and bought the right cake, that cake was a priority at such a time?

Sometimes, on MN, I feel rather sorry for men.

Schoolhelp23 · 02/05/2023 07:13

My Dad died recently and if a few weeks after the fact, my husband complained that I'd got him the wrong kind of cake for his birthday... there would have been words. Cut him some slack.