Birthday cake disappointment

[Grumpy67i8]

I asked for one thing and one thing only on my birthday: a nice piece of cake from a number of bakeries around us. Any one of them, they're all nice. In fact, I didn't even ask for it, I was going to go buy it. Not a big cake, just a slice. I've been on a strict diet for 4 weeks for health reasons, have been looking forward to this piece of shit cake for weeks. My one splurge. No drinks out, no party, no gifts, we've had a family bereavement, we have no time or energy for a celebration.

DH insisted he will go buy it for me. Insisted I shouldn't have to go out to get it. So I said OK, lovely. What does he do? He went and got me a cheap shit massive cake from a supermarket on his way home from work. It doesn't even taste of sugar and cream but some weird chemicals that leave an awful aftertaste. I'm so gutted. That's it. Had to write it down.

No, I didn't say anything. Ate it and pretended it was nice. I didn't want to ruin the atmosphere on my own bday.

Keep up with your diet, do some extra exercise (something you wouldn't have done otherwise) and next month, or whenever you fancy, declare your own unbirthday without any notice, buy your nice cake, eat your nice cake, and then go back on the diet the day after.

I completely understand the concept of not being able to afford the calories, but I also think you could take more control over this and feel better without having to make your OH feel bad.

Normally I would advocate explaining why he got it wrong, but as he'll still be grieving, it doesn't seem worth it.

PS Congratulations on your willpower. You sound like you're doing immensely well with this. And a belated happy birthday too! :)

It sounds like it isn't about cake, but more burn out/ empathy fatigue.

You've done the right thing by not complaining to DH. Now is not the time.

Sometimes something like this can be the canary in the coal mine, showing you that you are depleted.

Do you have something else you're doing to take care of yourself? Other things to look forward to?

Totally understandable. This is MN so you can't have a mild vent about someone you love without posters accusing him of malicious sabotage and abuse!

I really really would get the delicious cake you actually want and screw the calories. If you get a fruit-flavoured one, think about the Vitamin C. Savour every bite!

Treat yourself next month! Don't wait a whole year to do it. Get yourself a cake, just because, next month.

I totally get it OP.

I got married a bit over a year ago. It was the tail end of covid and we were trying to minimise exposure in the run up to the wedding. I planned to have my bridesmaids round to our house for an afternoon tea/ dress handout/ final briefing just before the wedding. There was loads of wedding planning stuff going on, so I carefully planned for minimal effort/leftovers, doing an online shop including ready made sandwiches, blinis and smoked salmon, ready made scones and cupcakes.

DH (then fiance) declared he would do afternoon tea for us and took over the online shop. He bought way too much, there were loads of leftovers and mess to clear up afterwards and I didn't get my blinis because it 'should' be finger sandwiches for afternoon tea.

I would never say anything to him (even now!) because he was trying really hard to do something nice and make it 'better' than I had planned, but it didn't stop me being disappointed and overwhelmed by the mess. (He would have done all the clearing up but I felt too guilty not helping, and the many remaining sandwiches and cakes ended up in a box in the fridge to go mouldy because we were racing around doing a million and ten wedding prep tasks over the next few days.)

He lost his.mum and thought of you by buying a cake. It was nice of him. Be kind, it's just cake. Buy yourself that slice of cake you wanted. I'm sure you can forget the calories for.one more day. Life's far too short to wait until next year for cake.

Please, please buy yourself a piece of nice cake. You deserve it.

Just go and buy the cake as originally planned ?

Sorry to hear that his mum died. Very sad for him.

I get your cake disappointment, my birthdays have a tendency to be rubbish too. One year my DH bought me a mixer and no cake. So I had to make my own with the mixer... only we didn't really have many ingredients in so I made a very sad looking loaf cake and had a little cry to myself later - I was really happy with the mixer (had wanted one for ages for cake making purposes), but a good birthday really needs a good cake that you haven't had to make yourself!

Oh, and happy birthday!

On Saturday go for a long walk to a nice cafe. Enjoy every mouthful.

FFS, OP has clearly stated that she ate a slice of the cake and hasn't berated her husband, she's allowed an anonymous rant/expression of disappointment.

I am very specific about my cake. Don't have it often but when I do, it's got to be good cake.

Given your DH's recent bereavement (and he's lack of understanding re the importance of good cake) I'd have had a cursory slice on my birthday and then had the desired cake the next day. Then back to calorie counting. One extra "naughty" treat, one extra day off dieting but cake itch scratched and no need to bother DH.

I have to admit I appreciated DH acknowledging some regret yesterday evening that he wasn't great in the cake-making department; as I was putting marzipan on a fruit cake made extra last Christmas and saved for my birthday (a big one) this week. Some years I've had cakes made by the children with varying degrees of help, but since I'm gluten-intolerant it isn't practical to go-out-and-buy. As it is, I'm the only one at home the rest of this week till the evening after my birthday so on-the-day is going to be low key anyhow. I've invited a couple of friends to come round that evening so I can justify cutting my cake :)

Tonight's job is making the icing or I'll run out of time ...

Totally get it. It’s the not listening. The empty promises and laziness.

I got bought a box of praline chocolates for my first Mother’s Day and a card addressed to my first name instead of mummy. I could have cried. I didn’t bc I told myself I’m lucky to get a card and chocs (I don’t like nuts so didn’t eat a single one, also a brand I would never buy as generally hate thorntons choc). The thought was there, but the thought was shit.

your DH could have done better. SHOULD have done better. It feels like a treat has been taken away from you and he’s wearing a badge of pride. When the time is right, talk to him about the little things. They add up.

Is he regretting that he couldn’t make the cake for you?

Or that he can’t make it for his own birthday?

Happy birthday in advance! 🎂🥳

this, absolutely.

And eat the cake at home, when he's there, and make the point that this was what you'd wanted on your Birthday.
Why not save it for Father's Day - might make him feel he's missing out even more😀

Funny that you left details of your husband's bereavement out of your first post/the thread title.

You're actually totally outrageous for even writing this when his mum's just died. You're ungrateful and nasty.

I get it totally @Grumpy67i8. Happy birthday. Treat yourself to the proper cake though.

While you've got a thread about birthday cake disappointment, I hope he's got a thread somewhere about "my Mum just died" disappointment because I doubt he's getting adequate support from you.

She hasn’t just died, it was a few weeks ago.

And he shouldn’t have offered to buy the bakery cake if he was so upset.

OP didn’t even want his crappy cake.

I doubt it's DHs fault you're on a diet which is why the cake obviously means so much to you

Oh well if it was a few weeks ago he should be over it by now.

"She hasn’t just died, it was a few weeks ago."

This is just evil 😮

I didn’t say he should be over it, but people making out like his mum JUST died is disingenuous.

Also, no one asked him to buy cake, he should have just let OP do it.