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Original poster

‘She’s f*cking huge, as big as you’ but not calling me fat

266 replies

namechangeforthistodayy · 01/05/2023 18:54

Posting to vent more than anything because I just need to get out what’s just happened and I feel really confused and upset and don’t know if I’m just being stupid and ‘spiteful and manipulative’ as I’ve just been called. Also changing names for this.

Had a lovely day with my family and my partner and little boy. Back at my mums and we’re still having a laugh when she sees a photo of a woman she knows on Facebook and says ‘she’s f*cking huge’, I asked her had she gained weight because I’d only ever known her as tiny and she replied ‘she’s about as big as you now’. I am big. I have PCOS and I comforted myself with binge eating when I had my son three years ago due to PND. I’ve struggled to get it off ever since and am making lifestyle changes currently and have lost a stone in the last couple of months which I’ve felt good about. I tried to laugh it off when her and my sister started getting up photos of big women on mobility scooters and saying that it was me. Not just pictures but videos too making me watch them whilst laughing and It got uncomfortable and I told her she was calling me fat which I already knew, but that she is also weight conscious and she wouldn’t like it had I said this stuff to her. She said ‘I know but I never said you were fat’ and I told her that calling someone huge was generally insinuating that and she continued to deny it because she had never used the word fat and ‘In a court of law it would be fine because I never actually called you fat’. When I tried to explain to her I just got shut down in front of everyone, and I eventually started crying because I felt so embarrassed. She then got verbally aggressive and with a really nasty look on her face called me a liar and spiteful and manipulative denying that she had not said anything wrong because she hadn’t used the word fat. She started screaming at me to get out of her house and said ‘if you really want me to get nasty I can tell you a few home truths about yourself’ so I told her to just say it if that’s how she felt, and she refused and said ‘you wouldn’t be able to handle it’.

I started to pack up to leave and she started to get my partner involved saying ‘I never said this did I’, when he told her that she had, her face dropped and she stormed off into the kitchen screaming get out of my house.

We’ve obviously left and definitely should have done earlier but it genuinely was a nice day, which is generally quite rare because she is so on and off and sometimes I feel like the scapegoat child because she panders to all my other siblings. I’m the oldest and it’s always been this way.

I just feel shaken up and almost like I’m deluded and in the wrong for getting upset and keep doubting myself that maybe I just shouldn’t have been upset because she hadn’t actually used the word fat. My partner has reassured me that what’s happened isn’t okay, but I’m really shaken up and also worried that she is going to try to do something really spiteful.

i just don’t know what to do and im getting in my head about what to do next and how to handle the situation.

OP posts:
IDontWantToBeAPie · 02/05/2023 09:17

Oh and no she can't take your child.

An autistic child who has a mum and dad and is cared for would never be removed from their parents to be randomly given to their gran.

Minimalme · 02/05/2023 09:59

I'm so sorry op, your family sound awful.

I was the family scapegoat. It took me years to cut them off. I recently got bullied again by the last sibling I was in contact with and am now done with my entire birth family.

What I realised is my Mum and two sisters bullied me in the same way - said mean stuff then screamed at me if I challenged it and then told me I'd caused it. In the past I'd have apologised but not this time.

I'm nearly 50 now. My advice would be to walk away but don't wait as long as I did.

Feelingleftoutagain · 02/05/2023 17:59

First , well done on losing weight, it's hard to do! Some mums are not natural mums and feel that it's OK to make nasty comments, my own mum was the same, I distanced myself and felt better for it, think about your own health and life, you don't deserve this... move on as they will need you before you need them

DeeDoyle · 02/05/2023 18:03

Sorry OP your Mum is the one who is a spiteful manipulator, if I said I have more money than ill ever need,it means im rich but I didnt use the word rich.

A spade is a spade regardless of if THE word is used or not. Im so sorry she spoke to you like this,she sounds like an abusive bully and not in any way supportive,I would be keeping my distance until I got an apology.

Smoky1107 · 02/05/2023 18:06

That's awful. I can't understand anyone who would poke fun of someone on a video whilst passively making out it was you. She sounds nasty and I would keep my distance from her for a while. I hope you are ok x

Givemethereins · 02/05/2023 18:08

I'm sorry but this is text book narcissistic behaviour. Your mother and sister sound like they could be displaying narcissistic abuse. I would start googling the tell tale symptoms and start to empower yourself with knowledge and information. This has nothing to do with you. Your reactions to their hurtful and abusive attitude are to be expected. I would take this as a breakthrough learning experience. Nothing to second guess, which is a symptom of their behaviour. Its all in your hands to grow, learn and find deeper understanding about yourself and a new journey to begin.

Boysnana · 02/05/2023 18:10

What a shit... I had a mother like her. Arse.

lordloveadog · 02/05/2023 18:13

Well done for not letting her speak to you like that.

Move away. Live your own life.

FishChipsMushyPeas · 02/05/2023 18:15

I was in tears reading your opening post, none of that was OK. You don't needs any of them in your life and I dont say that lightly. I've been no contact with my mother since 2004 and it's the best thing I ever did honestly.

Pandermonium · 02/05/2023 18:15

I'm so sorry you've had to deal with her. She sounds like a bully and a narcissist. Twisting what was said to make herself the victim.

I have just cut off my parents as I finally realised, at almost 40, they hold no power over me, only the power I give them.
Don't give her that power.

Congratulations on the weight loss, you've done amazing! And I'm sure you'll do even more amazing things without that toxicity in your life.

shellyleppard · 02/05/2023 18:19

No they aren't calling you fat!!! But they are treating you like absolute shite. I would save your sanity and stay far far away. I'm sorry your family are so horrible to you. Stay strong hun x well done for losing weight, you are a beautiful person inside and out

Tophy124 · 02/05/2023 18:25

Please protect your child from this. I wouldn’t bother with her

Crimeismymiddlename · 02/05/2023 18:28

Your mum is a dick. You know that. Please stop spending time with her, how much nicer would your life be.

azlazee1 · 02/05/2023 18:34

Sounds like it's time to put some distance between you and your toxic Mom. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. It will continue as long as You allow it to. Decide if your life would be better with less or no Mom in it.

Crimeismymiddlename · 02/05/2023 18:34

I have just read your update. Please don’t worry she will take your son off you. She does sound like the sort of nasty piece of work who would try but social services are so, so used to malicious reports, depressingly so that they would see through it.

Dibbydoos · 02/05/2023 18:35

Toxic people, even if they're family need to be cut ot of your life for you to live your best life.
She sounds like my mum used to be. I spent most of my life after early 20s avoiding my DM.

I've recently reconnected as she's now old and fragile but my heckles are still up.

Well done for getting a stone off. Your condition makes it hard to lose weight.

Ask your GP for the injections, they may help because they change your appetite.

Good luck with everything. X

mumwon · 02/05/2023 18:38

Your mum isn't unhinged, she is a bitch.
Leave her to fester and be happy with your partner and little one

Toooldforthisshit49 · 02/05/2023 18:39

Wow your mother is just cruel, you definitely do not need to take it. I would be keeping as far away from her as possible. 💐

KillswitchEngage · 02/05/2023 18:42

You mum is a narcissistic parent and they play their children off against each other as they love the control. How sad your sister can’t see the ‘love’ she gets will mostly be to get at you even more. Here’s the thing though, you don’t have to put up with any of it. The thinly veiled (and outright) insults, the gaslighting, the verbal abuse. I know it’s a hard habit to break and you’ll have been conditioned to think there’s something wrong with you. There isn’t, a real parent wouldn’t do any of those things to their child. She has a serious problem which is unlikely to change so do yourself the tremendous favour of going NC and freeing yourself of a lifetime of abuse and insults that you wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. It can be hard when your siblings join in, try to remember that it’s likely that they’ve learned to throw you under the bus to save themselves. You are worthy of love and I’m sorry your parent denied you that, but you can break the cycle and be the parent you needed as a child. It’s terribly liberating and healing. Much love OP x

Tricey · 02/05/2023 18:45

Dr. Brown's book or website may help. Children of the Self-Absorbed- Getting Over Narcissistic Parents. It's not in your head.

oosha · 02/05/2023 18:49

It’s so hard but there are people in our life that should love and cherish us but that isn’t always the case. As hard as it is, maybe it would be best to create some distance. You deserve to be treated with respect and fat shaming and abusing then gaslighting won’t do your mental health any good. To be honest your mum sounds like an insensitive narcissistic bitch, you need to limit contact.

Londontown12 · 02/05/2023 18:54

My mum and sister used to be like this when I was a child I ended up with a restrictive eating problem 😓!
I have NC with them now !
when I got very thin I heard them whispering I have an eating disorder!
I just could not win thin fat whatever always being nasty !!!

people who love u would never ever behave like this for you and your child you need to go NC x x x x

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 02/05/2023 18:58

So they insulted and embarrassed you and got mad and nasty because you called them out on their shitty abusive behaviour??? Who the hell do they think they are?
You do not need that kind of negativity in your life, doesn’t matter who they are to you. Why does your sister think she has any rights what so ever to take your son away from you? Let her threat away (make sure you record, screen shot and document all of them, as well as her shitty behaviour) she sounds like a toxic raving lunatic.

Way to go on losing that stone, credit where it’s due.

You wouldn’t have been out of order to tell the lot of them to fuck off and go back under their slimey stone.

Never doubt yourself 💜💐

Hotfootgoose · 02/05/2023 19:01

Your mum is awful but your partner is a legend- they totally had your back!

NoDought · 02/05/2023 19:02

First and foremost you should never feel like you need to explain your weight but I am so sad to hear you have been through those things. Your mum said ‘she is fucking huge’ then said ‘she is as big as you’ so direct or indirect she has called you huge and for that she sounds like an incredibly unpleasant woman who won’t admit when she is in the wrong. I don’t know what your relationship is like the rest of the time but I think you would be better off without her.