I'm an awful mum - I hit my ten year old

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I have name changed for obvious reasons. I don't know what happened, I'm usually a very calm and relaxed mum - I very rarely even raise my voice.

Today my ten year old daughter had three of her friends over and I took them to the park and then the shop to get some sweets and then they were outside in the back garden playing and running around. It was a nice day actually and I haven't been feeling stressed or anything.

Tonight I picked my daughter up from dancing and she didn't have her earrings in. Now she has had her ears pierced twice, each time she has begged and promised she will look after them. The first time she didn't and they got infected, this time she has looked after them well but knows it's too early to take them out. She has never taken them out at dancing before but apparently today she was told to take them out.

In the car I tried to put them back in but they were already scabbed over at the back and she was screaming and crying whilst I was trying to get them back in. She said she didn't want her ears pierced anyway and was screaming saying it hurts so I gave up.

I was fuming because I don't have extra money to just keep spending on ear piercing and this is now the second time this has happened. In the car I just stayed quiet but I said that I wasn't taking her to McDonald's as usual after dancing due to this. She then started screaming and crying again.

When we were nearly home she kept saying, 'it's not my fault, it's not my fault' she then said to me, 'you're just being over dramatic' and that's when I just saw red. I pinched her bare leg and then slapped it. I told her to get in the house for a bath and no tv tonight.

I then had to drive away for ten minutes as I was so so angry.

I am back in the house and we haven't spoken. I am still so upset about the earrings but more so the way I behaved. I really lost my self control and I'm now worried I have scarred her in some way.

My mum used to hit me all the time and it's resulted in a lot of trauma and I vowed to never be this way. I also swore at her as well.

I feel so awful and don't want to approach her yet as I don't even know how to make an amends with this. Can this be forgiven? Should I call her dad and ask if she can stay with him tonight? Is this something we can move past? Will this fuck her up?

I am so disappointed in myself.

@3WildOnes I have to agree with you. I call BS on that claim!

A smack is justified for bad behaviour, if obviously a tap and not a full out palm of your hand slap. But the pinching is different. Pinching is something you see a small child do in a sly way to avoid others seeing it. I couldn’t imagine an adult doing this to a child. But, none of us are perfect parents OP. Parents who think it’s ok to never say no to their child, and allow them to do what they want when they want, are not perfect parents, although many think they are, and the results of their lenient parenting results in self entitled unpleasant adults.

@PaperwhiteTheGhost yes most definitely must be a troll because i dare to disagree with all the perfect parents piling on to a woman who has asked for help! How arrogant can you get! Someone disagrees with you therefore they must automatically be a troll!

Your daughter sounds like she completely lost it. Why on earth go looney about not going to McDonalds, at her age.

Because she is a child who cannot fully process adult ideals and emotions?

And also because her mother refused to listen to why she took her earrings out and tried to painfully force them back in, so she was already feeling pretty emotional?

I’m not justifying anything. I actually wrote that the OP’s behaviour was not good. I just think some of the responses on here are completely over the top. People suggesting that OP’s child will be irretrievably damaged, OP is a vile human being etc. A complete over-reaction and I refuse to condemn and vilify someone for a split second loss of temper.

If OP was such a terrible person she wouldn’t be posting regretfully on here, beating herself up and calling herself an awful parent.

But everyone carry on with the pile on and keep telling OP how disgraceful she is. Because that’s really helpful when someone is already feeling low🙄

Some of the post are almost gleeful in their description of how damaged OP’sdaughter will end up. I hope this thread is deleted.

Op you need some parenting classes.. your anger and intent to cause pain is horrific. You pinched her? That's so nasty. It's a real spiteful thing to do. If you really are shocked at yourself as you say you are you need to immediately find some outside support in your parenting. This is not normal or ok.

If a man posted this btw he would be flamed here.

I don't think anyone has said you must never say no, but never hit them. You can say no, and hold that line, be a firm parent etc, without ever hitting a minor.

Well maybe we haven't worked in the exact same area of work then but i have worked with children and by default their families for many years! @3WildOnes

For reasons still very unclear to me we haven't made the physical abuse of children illegal in this country

This thread, plus any other thread about smacking, will tell you why. A significant number of people (most?) want to be able to hit their children with impunity because that's easier than learning to control your temper and parent properly. They will use all the exact same techniques that abusers use to justify it: minimisation, "so angry I just snapped" and villainising anyone who objects to it. One poster has just accused an anti-smacker of being a troll and vile person who just wants to upset OP. She truly can't see any other reason to feel strongly that parents shouldn't hit their kids.

It really is that simple.

Id say this is not a one off!

Ffs, now people are comparing the OP to a wife beater.
She made a mistake. Once. She’s not an abuser. These posts are just ridiculous. OP, please don’t beat yourself up more because of a bunch of anonymous posters who are clearly projecting their own bad experiences.

welk done for owning it. Hope she and you feel better soon x

I understand that feeling of rage. I have felt it against my teens. But a pinch and a slap is quite vindictive.

Think why you acted this way. Other anger in your life? Financial stress?

It was not ok. How will you ensure this never happens again?

Anyway OP has apologised, clearly feels awful and now needs to move on. What’s the alternative? Leave her kid without a mum??

That's brilliant.

As others have said, don't continue to beat yourself up about it. You made a mistake, you've apologised for your mistake, and now you can both move on.

Enjoy the McDonalds.

Ffs, now people are comparing the OP to a wife beater.
She made a mistake. Once. She’s not an abuser. These posts are just ridiculous. OP, please don’t beat yourself up more because of a bunch of anonymous posters who are clearly projecting their own bad experiences

How's hitting your child different to hitting your wife? Can you please explain the difference?
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Would you be okay if your partner hit you? A mistake, just once? They lost their temper and reacted by physically assaulting you but it's okay because it's been once, and they said sorry and bought you a McDonald's.

It's even WORSE that this is a child!

Jesus Christ, some of you have bars that are extremely low. In fact they're probably underground.

If my DH pinched and hit our daughter, I'd be out the door with her and I wouldn't be returning.

The comparison is valid. If you assault members of your family, then that is domestic abuse.

even if you buy the victim McDonald’s afterwards.

What, our own experiences of being hit by our caregivers? Yet another one who just chucks out "projection" to invalidate people, without knowing what it means.

That's another one of the funny things about this topic. Nothing disqualifies you from talking about the harmful effects of smacking more than experiencing the harmful effects of smacking.

Ffs, it doesn't matter who is doing the hitting, or who is being hit. It's abusive.

Why is it ok to hit your child in a fit of rage but not your wife?

Perfectly put.

I hardly ever post on here but the thought of pinching a child made me feel sick. I've been so mad at my nibblings I've thought I might have a nosebleed but I could never ever imagine pinching them.

Pinching is what abusive men do to cause pain and avoid a mark. And so thay can say they've never hit you.

Probably best if OP just puts her child into care then?

Who's saying it's OK? Certainly not OP. What do you think should happen, the kid placed in care ?

I'm honesty in a really good place at the moment that's why this reaction is so surprising as it came from literally no where.

Probably best if OP just puts her child into care then?

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