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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you don't like my dogs barking at you get the hell off my drive

458 replies

Qantaqa · 01/05/2023 09:34

I'll start this by saying I am tired and miserable so am in no mood to be reasonable today AT ALL.

I have many dogs. Large dogs. There are dog flaps so they can run in and out as they wish onto the property. I am rural and one of the purposes of the dogs is to alert me to people around, so I aren't bothered by them barking if someone comes to the gate.

The gateway to my drive is set back about 15ft so that I can park the car without having to open the gates and drive in. Its clearly my driveway and separate from the road.

There is this one cyclist who every single time after cycling up the hill stops and pulls into the drive and has a rest. Now he could stop on the other side of the road where there is a public track, or he could cycle for like another 30ft and stop at the entrance to the forest but no he chills in the drive. Every. Single. Time.

The dogs bark at him. He shouts at them to be quite. They obviously ignore him. I used to shout them back in but the last few weeks I haven't bothered because well I'm grumpy.

Today my mum has arrived to visit and the cyclist is yet again in the drive. He's had a bit of a go at her. She's come in mithering at me so I've gone out and told him very rudely that if he doesn't like them barking at him to stop standing on the fucking drive. It got into a bit of a heated discussion before I stormed off. He's going to report me apparently as they are intimidating and its illegal to have a camera and no signs and blah blah blah.

So whilst I might BU to have gone out and created more drama instead of ignoring him AIBU to think if you don't want to be barked at get the fuck off my land?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
27
hotdiggetydog · 02/05/2023 23:00

Cyclist being an entitled prick. Shocker.

TwitchetyWitcheryWooWoo · 02/05/2023 23:04

Oh Qantaqa, you should write a book about Dickhorse. I cried with laughter at the tale of the swans - sorry for your pain but you tell a good un! Thank you too, that was much needed laughter after a pants start to the year. 🐴🦢🐎

ProudThrilledHappy · 02/05/2023 23:10

Have you considered putting Dickhorse’s now redundant electric fence across your drive? Might solve the cyclist problem 😁

Macinae · 02/05/2023 23:18

Swan story had me laughing out loud.

Dogs are gorgeous.

Cyclist can buy his own property to rest on or shut up.

T1Dmama · 02/05/2023 23:36

Put a sign at end of your drive stating ‘private property, dogs loose’
Id keep an eye out encase he feeds your dog something harmful.
You’re allowed a camera, everyone has doorbells with them now, dash cams etc.
if he doesn’t want to be on your camera on your property he needs to piss off

Crazydonkeylady · 02/05/2023 23:50

There’s no issue with a camera looking out onto her drive even if it does catch the road outside. Ours (also on a rural property) catches traffic passing as does everyone else’s at the farms and country houses along the lane. The police rural crime team regularly call us to ask us to check who and what has passed by in a particular timespan when they’ve had tractor gps, quad bikes etc nicked. Recently a group of lads from a neighbouring town were caught after being spotted by police drone hanging around our properties. They’d broken into two neighbouring barns the night before and been picked up on our cctv on our driveway and in the road outside. Police took copies of our cctv evidence and the other farms etc nearby and used that to prove they had been in the area. As an added bonus one idiot could be seen on neighbours cctv taking off his mask and gloves to use his phone and then touching things in the barn he’d broken into! The csi evidence spoiled the alibi his girlfriend and granny gave him! Not an issue at all with our cctv or any of the other properties nearby covering the road outside our properties. Police are very happy with this and with their successful prosecutions. Incidentally our dogs bark like mad at anyone passing and especially stopping near our garden, drive, fields or house. This is not a bad thing! They’re not loose off our property and I couldn’t care less if they annoy a passing cyclist really!

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 00:27

MenoRageisReal · 02/05/2023 14:48

You're just being ridiculous now.

The police use GSD because they are amazingly bright, love to work and incredibly loyal. I've met some working GSD that are far smarter than the criminals they catch.

Show quote history

I've seen earthworms that are smarter than most criminals..... 😉

GSD's are wonderful dogs and so highly intelligent. Their barking behind the gate is their job and I would bet money that they sense something malevolent about the cyclist. The fact that the cyclist STILL stops in her drive with the barking dogs shows he is instigating them and hoping for a reaction from them/the homeowner. Wankers often act just like that because it's how they get their jollies.

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 00:36
bewick's swan bird GIF by Head Like an Orange

@Qantaqa

Just read your swan story that almost turned into your "swan song".😲

I apologize because I laughed so hard my DH thought I was having an episode.

I might have peed myself a bit too. 😱

You have quite the knack for writing! Thank you for sharing! 💖

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 01:07

Linda409 · 02/05/2023 18:36

You are the entitled one. You don’t own the world. Little Englander

And you don't own all the houses and driveways in the UK or the world and have no right to trespass upon any of them and do so at your own risk. You might want to MYOFBEB.

Nanaof1 · 03/05/2023 01:18

Shade17 · 02/05/2023 11:41

Next time say youl call the police as he's loitering on your property. Stupid man

He’s probably intelligent enough to know that would be a nonsense threat anyway.

At this point, if he is stopping every day/most days in her driveway, deliberately trying to instigate the dogs' reactions, he is entering into stalking/casing territory. Especially once he has shouted abusive threats to her DM and touches HER car in HER drive. I would, at least, call and ask what to do in this situation, though the car alarm and sprinklers would be fun to read about.

He seems to be about two levels less intelligent than a box of rocks. Or ten.

FictionalCharacter · 03/05/2023 02:46

Dymaxion · 02/05/2023 21:10

I feel sorry for the entitled bicycle rider, he just doesn't have the legs for it does he ? never getting past the same point on a road without having to stop for a long leisurely lean on someone elses car/intimidating women rest, must be agony for him, knowing that no other man on a bike has to do this, only him and his ridiculously puny legs and lack of oomph. He must hear those barks as mocking his lack of ambition to get a bit further, beat his PB and validate his whole being. Tragic really especially if the otter's get him !

Good point. It would be tempting to comment to him, with sympathetic head tilt, that he can’t seem to cope with the hill like all the other cyclists and perhaps he should do some training to improve his fitness. Because he looks like he’s struggling.
Though it does sound like he’s having these little rests on OP’s driveway to be goady.

MummyNeedsADrinkDear · 03/05/2023 03:49

Didn't want to read and run without saying a huge thank you @Qantaqa for this wonderful thread. You've a great writing talent. Most amusing.
I would love to move in with you and your gorgeous animals. What a life >happy sigh<
Sorry about your cyclist problem tho.

margarine17 · 03/05/2023 04:19

Fab swan story! With regards to peacocks they seem to be the cats of the bird world.They decide who they like and where they would like to live.
Neighbours not for from my inlaws have some tall trees in their property and the recently bought and expensive peacocks, that their NDN had just bought , took a fancy to, and they just moved in. So she has free peacocks roaming and sleeping in her place. Poor neighbour has nothing. Wish my neighbour would buy peacocks.

Fraaahnces · 03/05/2023 04:59

We live in Aus and my parents (when they were alive) and their neighbours also had a timeshare peacock. Percy had run away from a convent on the other side of the hill and decided that rather than live a life wild and free, eating snakes and rodents as he should be doing, he preferred the ground steak and fresh blueberries provided by the three nice old ladies who lived on this side of the hill. Poor old Percy was a bit confused though. He lacked love, and used to fan and display at the rainbow lorikeets (a flamboyant and noisy type of parakeet, I guess), the butcher birds (you will have seen videos of them swooping cyclists -*yay!!!) and the local scrub turkeys. The turkeys would have been the closest in size but were as far removed from the beauteous peacock as you could imagine. I would say that they are up there with cassowaries for being the ugliest bastards in the avian world. Poor old Percy reminded me of the Little Britain Character that would constantly state “I’m the only gay in the village”…. all the other birds would be rolling their eyes at him and saying “WE KNOW!!!”

Nagado · 03/05/2023 07:16

I would never have GSD as we’d be completely unsuitable owners for the breed, but thank you for sharing photos of all your gorgeous pups, they are all absolutely beautiful and I’m very envious.

OP, if he’s quite a timely CF, could you choose a not very warm day and maybe pop a couple of them in your car for 20 minutes or so? With the windows down low enough to put the wind up him but high enough so they couldn’t actually escape and bite his face off?

sueelleker · 03/05/2023 09:27

That reminds me of Daisy and Onslow's dog in "Keeping Up Appearances"!

Pinkywoo · 03/05/2023 11:06

Linda409 · 02/05/2023 18:36

You are the entitled one. You don’t own the world. Little Englander

The world, no. Her driveway, yes.

ifIwerenotanandroid · 03/05/2023 13:22

ProudThrilledHappy · 02/05/2023 23:10

Have you considered putting Dickhorse’s now redundant electric fence across your drive? Might solve the cyclist problem 😁

Or just connect your car to the mains?

(Joke! Do not connect your car to the mains.)

ifIwerenotanandroid · 03/05/2023 13:29

I loved your swan story, OP. You bouncing between swan & electric fence reminded me of when I tried to get something out of the oven & I touched a hot oven shelf with the top of my hand, swore & automatically moved my hand out of the way, only to burn it on another bit, swear, move it, burn the top again etc ad infinitum.

My DH, in the dining room, was laughing at the sound of it, which I still take exception to. He said it reminded him of the scene in The Blues Brothers when they swear & the Penguin attacks them with a ruler.

Which brings us neatly back to bird attacks...

EndOfEternity · 03/05/2023 13:55

OMG your swan story OP! That is epic!
I have tears of laughter running down my face.
Thank you for sharing it 😁

Newestname002 · 03/05/2023 14:01

Yes the very vivid story of the deans, the dickhorse and the electric fence made me cry with laughter. I could so clearly picture the scene. The bit with the electric fence, in particular, reminded me of the scene in 101 Dalmatians when one of Cruella deVille's henchmen inadvertently sat on an electric fence. (My sense of humour is not at all highbrow and just thinking of all the slapstick makes me smile).

BTW, OP, not that you should have to spend effort or money is putting up a sign at the start of your drive (eg "Private property - trespassers will be eaten") might dissuade the CF from landing on your property and, worse, leaning on your car. 🌹

Newestname002 · 03/05/2023 14:02

Not "deans" but "swans"!

IGiveUpalready · 03/05/2023 17:27

Qantaqa · 02/05/2023 19:15

Ahh the Swan Incident of 2008 :(

Picture it. Tis early summer. To say it has been soggy would be an understatement. My horses at the time are in a rented field through which runs a river. The bottom part of the field is essentially 90% puddle all the time and sometimes deeply flooded. This is all good and fine. I have got the field divided with electric fencing to keep the horses away from the wet bit. Its connected to the mains.

Enter DickHorse who is not a fan of electric fencing, restricted grazing or anything that means he has to act like a sensible member of the equine species. Sadly he could jump and jump high. He would often be found the incorrect side of the electric fence at the complete opposite end of the field. Now clearly he managed to wade through the water to get there at whatever point he escaped but was completely utterly unable to walk back through unaided because .... reasons.

There is a pair of swans that lurk around. I already have a dislike of birds and I give these dudes a wide birth. However the field becoming essentially mostly water means they are closer to the top end and thus harder to avoid. Even more so when horse escapes and I have to walk and get him because well reasons.

Anyway I arrive. Dickhorse is yet again nowhere to be seen to off I trot to find him. We are walking up the field and boom out of nowhere comes one undeniably angry swan. Seriously angry. Dickhorse reckons he can take him. I am trying to control horse, avoid swan and just stay alive. It is not working. Horse abandons me and tanks off back to safety. Now its just me and my approaching death. I've got a collection of crap in my pockets, hoof pick, apples, carrots, dandy brushes. I decide the sensible option is to throw stuff the swan to try and get it to go away. It was a mistake. It just makes him madder. I run. I fall down. He's hissing and flapping and snapping at my legs like the demon spawn he is. I'm up and gone faster than Usain Bolt. He lets me go.

Well that's not THAT bad you say. Correct. However my history of bad choices is legendary and whilst waiting for the horses to eat their tea I decide that having antagonised the swan beyond belief the sensible choice to try and take a photo of him to go along with the hilarious story above so off I go through the electric fence carefully closing the gateway behind me because I am a responsible horse owner after all I stealthily approach the swan. I am not stealthy. I haven't got far. He looks at me and steps forward. I back up. He steps forward. I back up. He steps forward .. you get the idea except I back up into the FUCKING MAINS POWERED ELECTRIC FENCE and I get the shock of my life and so jerk forward into the fucking swan who clearly feels under attack and so attacks back. Wings everywhere, beak pecking. Another swan appears from some hell portal to join the fray and I jump back .. BACK INTO THE FUCKING ELECTRIC FENCE which clearly sends me jumping forwards again... into the bastard swans. I run along the fence line chased by 2 giant swans before basically leaping into the first bit of hedgerow gap where but which is filled with nettles. The swans can clearly see that I have sunk to depths which no human should and leave me alone.

I am there sitting in a patch of nettles, stung, bruised, breathless and with not a scrap of dignity, and I look up to see Dickhorse trotting past back down to the bottom end ....

It was Not. A. Good. Day.

OMG, I am so sorry but that was hilarious! BAD SWAN(S)

Fraaahnces · 03/05/2023 17:41

@mumsnet Can I vote this thread into classics please?

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 03/05/2023 17:54

I've just nearly laughed myself into an asthma attack at the dickhorse Swan electric fence story. Dandy brushes and apples flying everywhere! Another vote for classics!

Back to the op a sign with the beautiful Barbara Windsor sag "get orf my land" might help!