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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Finders keepers?

243 replies

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 21:31

My DD18 told me last week she found an item of jewellery in a grass verge randomly one day when she was out walking to work - 6 months ago.

I recently complemented her wearing it and asked about it - she told me she found it and said she assumed it was just junk jewellery, but it turns out from my research when I looked at it the markings, it’s worth quite a lot of money.

It has no personal inscription on it (its not a ring) and I haven’t seen a post on our local group from anyone who has lost anything although I did tell her she could put a post up and if anyone described it then she should give it back.

She hasn’t put a post up and she is planning on keeping it, not cos it’s worth money she just likes it, she isn’t selling it.

I’m kind of feeling weird about it because it might be sentimental to someone. WWYD?

OP posts:

Hellocatshome · 30/04/2023 21:35

Theft by finding is a thing. You have to take reasonable steps to locate the owner. If she puts a post on local Facebook pages asking if anyone has lost some jewellery in X area around X time (be a bit vague) and not describing the jewellery in any way. Only genuine people will come forward if anyone can describe it exactly and probably will have photos of it then she can return it if not she can keep it with a clear conscience.

EasterBreak · 30/04/2023 21:45

I lost an item of jewellery which was given to my mum when she gave birth to me, which she then gave me on a special bday. Would be so happy if it turnt up I planned to give it to my daughter. Do a post!

spongebunnyfatpants · 30/04/2023 22:13

It's thief by finding, it's a criminal offence. She needs to take reasonable measures to find the owner. Contact the police and see if anyone has reported it lost or stolen, local Facebook post etc.

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

Hellocatshome · 30/04/2023 22:20

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

That might be your opinion but its not the law.

InceyWinceySpidy · 30/04/2023 22:21

I know it's not the point of the matter, but how much is it actually worth?

JeepersCreeperrs · 30/04/2023 22:21

I have found things including top of the range AirPods. I always try to find the owner.

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:21

Hellocatshome · 30/04/2023 22:20

That might be your opinion but its not the law.

Show quote history

Sure, but the thread wasn't asking what is lawful and what is not.

Hellocatshome · 30/04/2023 22:24

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:21

Sure, but the thread wasn't asking what is lawful and what is not.

Show quote history

Its generally best not to commit criminal offences. So in answers to OPs question of WWYD my answer would be 'dont break the law'.

Original poster

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 22:40

I didn’t realise it was a crime but I have told DD18 to try find the owner. I will talk to her again

OP posts:

Hellocatshome · 30/04/2023 22:45

The odds are no one will come forward but then at least she can keep it knowing she has done the right thing.

Even if it wasn't a crime treating others as you would like to be treated is always a good rule of thumb.

Hawkins003 · 30/04/2023 22:48

Ours usually use the local Facebook groups if e.g. Lost cat, or item etc

Original poster

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 22:48

I agree; she just had no idea it was expensive and just thought it was a junk item. She wears loads of junk items anyway it’s her style. She wears loads of weird and wonderful jewellery, none of which is expensive so she assumed it wasn’t

OP posts:

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2023 22:50

Criminal and cold. She’s given no thought to the possible distress of the person who has lost it. Where is her empathy?

MidgeHardcastle · 30/04/2023 23:03

Please get her to report it to the police. The owner would have reported it if it was a sentimental item and how lovely it would be if they were reunited.

Nagado · 30/04/2023 23:08

I’d definitely try to convince her to find the owner and check if the police had a lost property report for it. How would she feel if her most precious belongings went missing, she was looking for them, but the finder decided that they liked them, so wouldn’t be returning them. The owner of valuable jewellery might not be a big user of social media, so keeping an eye out on FB simply isn’t enough.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/04/2023 23:21

She wears loads of junk items anyway it’s her style. She wears loads of weird and wonderful jewellery, none of which is expensive so she assumed it wasn’t

Eh? So because she favours cheap jewellery herself, she doesn't realise that some people do spend considerably more on jewellery, ergo expensive jewellery exists?!

But regardless of the market value, you don't know how much it might have meant to the owner. As has been said upthread, it could have been a special gift, marking a special occasion or relationship - maybe from a loved one who is now no longer alive. It could belong to a child, who is devastated to have lost it.

I know your DD didn't deliberately steal it, but I think it's so sad when people seem to assume the burglar mentality: that everything is only worth its financial market value and nothing more, everything can be 100% replaced, everybody has insurance, so taking something that doesn't belong to you isn't really a big deal. It very frequently is.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 30/04/2023 23:31

I hate finding stuff.

first time it was several hundreds found in an ATM. I left my card at the gas station and told them to give my info out if anyone came looking for it. Honestly the people working there looked a little sketchy and I didn’t have a lot of confidence that it wouldn’t be shared between them the moment my back was turned. Kept it in my desk drawer for 3 months. I should have turned into the police but that would have been a couple of hours that I didn’t have at the time.

The second was a pair of AirPods I found in the street outside of my house. I posted on the neighborhood FB group in case it was someone close. I had the dumb things for a month and finally threw them away. Damned if I didn’t get a response the next day. I didn’t respond…

My only happy finding something story is the kitten I found at 2am. I was coming home after having more than a few and found a kitten. Called the police on the off chance someone had reported a missing nugget. After I assured them I wasn’t expecting them to come out and pick up the kitten they put me on hold and were kind of surprised to find out someone did in fact call in a missing kitten. They gave me the number, I called, spoke to an equally drunk person who described the cat perfectly and told her to come on over!

She apparently had accidentally left the door open and her boyfriend’s kitten ran outside.

switswooo · 30/04/2023 23:33

Not sure there’s much she can do. My relative found a bracelet in the park, was worth a few hundred.

slowquickstep · 30/04/2023 23:43

You need to talk to your Daughter about morals and doing the right thing.

Ofcourseshecan · 30/04/2023 23:43

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:21

Sure, but the thread wasn't asking what is lawful and what is not.

Show quote history

Yes it is, in effect. OP was asking if keeping found jewellery is unreasonable. Advising someone to break the law is unreasonable.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 30/04/2023 23:49

Not sure there’s much she can do. My relative found a bracelet in the park, was worth a few hundred.

What did your relative do? Leave it there? Hand it in to the police? Put up a 'jewellery found' sign? Post something on Facebook? Or did they just tell themselves that there was 'nothing they could do' and so use that pretext to justify keeping somebody else's property?

Flatandhappy · 30/04/2023 23:56

I would be pretty disappointed if my 18yo thought “finders keepers” was ok tbh regardless of whether or not she thought the item was valuable. I would hope I have raised my kids better.

PiranhaTank · 30/04/2023 23:58

Why would you not be sure there's much she can do?
It's pretty obvious what you do. You take it to the nearest police station .

TheDuck2018 · 01/05/2023 00:02

Criminal and cold. She’s given no thought to the possible distress of the person who has lost it. Where is her empathy?

This! What a lousy attitude your daughter has, that jewelry might be incredibly sentimental to somebody. She should be doing everything she can to locate the owner. If nobody comes forward, thats different, but to not even try is really callous.

And ignore keyan they're just on loads of threads tonight, spouting goady shit.

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