Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Finders keepers?

243 replies

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 21:31

My DD18 told me last week she found an item of jewellery in a grass verge randomly one day when she was out walking to work - 6 months ago.

I recently complemented her wearing it and asked about it - she told me she found it and said she assumed it was just junk jewellery, but it turns out from my research when I looked at it the markings, it’s worth quite a lot of money.

It has no personal inscription on it (its not a ring) and I haven’t seen a post on our local group from anyone who has lost anything although I did tell her she could put a post up and if anyone described it then she should give it back.

She hasn’t put a post up and she is planning on keeping it, not cos it’s worth money she just likes it, she isn’t selling it.

I’m kind of feeling weird about it because it might be sentimental to someone. WWYD?

OP posts:
ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 01/05/2023 04:17

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/05/2023 00:07

Oh good grief… settle down everyone, the OP’s daughter found a bit of jewelry that had been laying there for who knows how long. She’s not Ma Barker setting out on a life of crime. It’s not the missing piece of evidence in the crime of the century. Nor will there be a panic in a few days when the Crown Jewels have turned up missing.

Literally!! People are calling her a nasty little thief, callous and cold, lacking empathy and being selfish. And that’s all on the first two pages. People need to get a grip no wonder the OP hasn’t come back

IrregularChoiceFan · 01/05/2023 04:20

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 01:10

However, some of the comments about a young person are really awful.

The OP's child was simply somewhat thoughtless and immature.

Aged 17 or 18?! Hardly a toddler who saw a pretty sparkly thing and took it, not knowing any better.

I agree with this, I found money when i was 18 (not a small amount either) and I handed it into the police. I was pretty bloody immature as am 18 year old but I still knew to hand in lost items to the police.

EmmaEmerald · 01/05/2023 05:19

Junosui · 01/05/2023 01:27

Wtf?

Do you have any CLUE how big of a shit the police are able to give about this kind of thing?

Do you seriously think that this would be a good use of any police resources whatsoever, given how thinly they're stretched right now?

Stop demonising small stuff. No, this wasn't a perfect reaction from the OP's daughter, but your reaction is ludicrous and spiteful.

Where I live, you find something, you put it on a wall for the owner to find. If it's there a week later, you donate it to a charity shop/cause. No 'reporting it to the police' or FB campaigns. Because common sense, basically.

Show quote history

Agree. Also I think it's two buses to the police station and they'd look at me like I was a nutter if I handed in some glass jewellery, probably bin it after I'd gone. Gold, that's different.

I know to leave jewellery lying in the street if I see it now! Though I don't think most people feel like this, it's classic example of MN's particular brand of crazy.

I have handed in jewellery at a big venue and always hand stuff in if I find it on the Tube, unless it's an umbrella or something - in fact I'm not sure TFL lost prop still agree to take those.

Murdoch1949 · 01/05/2023 05:26

She needs to hand it in to the police. If no-one claims it they will return it to her. She can't just keep it.

EmmaEmerald · 01/05/2023 05:31

Looked it up on Met website, pasting some info

if it's worth less than £500, it looks like a "no".

Also lots of questions about whether or not you can be proved as the owner.

////The item I lost in a public place is worth less than £500 or can't be directly identified as mine

Unfortunately, we don’t accept these kinds of items if someone tries to hand them in.

This includes luggage, empty purses, empty wallets or low-value, unidentifiable items such as umbrellas, glasses or perishable goods.

Try searching the location where you lost the item and ask any nearby shops or cafes if someone has found it and left it with them.///

snitzelvoncrumb · 01/05/2023 05:43

I would make sure she understands the possible consequences if someone sees her with it and is charged with theft. But let her make her own decision. If you are worried she is lacking empathy wait a few months and if she leaves something very special lying around take it and let her think she has lost it. Let her be devastated for a few months before it being returned by a stranger. She is only 18 and may not have actually understand how the person who lost the item feels. If explaining it won’t make a difference maybe attempt to teach her. I would also be very upset if one of my kids kept something valuable without trying to find the owner. But like most life lessons some people need to experience something first hand to understand.

loislovesstewie · 01/05/2023 06:00

It is theft by finding as others have said, and she does need to take reasonable steps to return it to the owner. I have lost an item of jewellery with no hope of finding it , it does upset me. Please advise her to advertise the find on social media at the least.

ChairFloorWall · 01/05/2023 06:18

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2023 22:50

Criminal and cold. She’s given no thought to the possible distress of the person who has lost it. Where is her empathy?

I think this is a bit OTT ffs. She’s obviously just thought it was a crap piece of jewellery not worth much, she’s not picked it up and taken it because she knows it’ll cause someone distress 🙄

hattie43 · 01/05/2023 06:33

The ring could have massive sentimental value to someone . She should have done things formally, handed it in to the police and wait to see if anyone claims it

SorePaw · 01/05/2023 06:38

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

@Keyan well, your opinion is nasty then.

@AldiBag4Life I'd be very upset that my daughter was so horrible. Jewellery doesn't need an inscription to be sentimental. What a nasty thing to do, not to try to find the owner.

she needs to try her best to find the owner, no actually, she needs to get help to find the owner,

kethuphouse · 01/05/2023 06:40

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

Generally people do not know the exact location they’ve lost something so why would they be looking for it in the right spot ?

SleepingStandingUp · 01/05/2023 06:42

SorePaw · 01/05/2023 06:38

@Keyan well, your opinion is nasty then.

@AldiBag4Life I'd be very upset that my daughter was so horrible. Jewellery doesn't need an inscription to be sentimental. What a nasty thing to do, not to try to find the owner.

she needs to try her best to find the owner, no actually, she needs to get help to find the owner,

Show quote history

She needs to get help to find the owner? Like a private detective??

Spanielsarepainless · 01/05/2023 06:47

I lost an item of jewellery and never got it back. Your daughter should be handing it in. The chances are that it won't be reclaimed and she ends up with it anyway. I would be very sad if my daughter thought this was OK. I think it's called taking by finding, but it's dishonest anyway.

ThomasinaLivesHere · 01/05/2023 06:48

She should have gone to police. Not everyone is on Facebook although I’ve learnt that if I lose something I should start a Facebook account as that’s where lots post it seems.

Sparklfairy · 01/05/2023 06:58

Posters here calling a teenager all sorts of names, when it's likely she hasn't thought much further than 'oooh this is pretty' are out of order.

Teenagers are notorious for 1) not thinking further than their own wants and needs and 2) being lazy, so making FB posts and all sorts feels like effort.

That said, I own loads of stuff that has little to no monetary value, but I would still be devastated if I lost because of sentimental value. Is there an item she was given or really treasures that is similar, that you can ask her to imagine 'what if she lost that and someone found it but just thought it was cool and kept it, how would you feel?' sort of thing?

I don't think she was 'cold and criminal' or however a PP so delightfully put it. Sometimes people don't think further than their own little bubble, and if it wasn't obviously expensive to a layperson they might think it was 'worthless' and ok to keep. Some people/teens just don't think.

Theraffarian · 01/05/2023 07:02

I’d say your daughter made a mistake not trying to locate the owner at the time , regardless of if she felt the item had monetary value . Not all sentimental jewellery has financial value , but that doesn’t mean the owner wouldn’t want to be reunited with it .

Now she understands that , she can start to try and trace the owner , most towns , villages etc have Facebook groups , so start by searching over the last year for missing posts ( who knows how long it had been there before she found it ) ., both your town and surrounding .Then Write her own post without giving too detailed description, she wants to hold back something identifiable about the item so only the true owner can claim it.

If no responses then value dependent ( because the police won’t take all missing items ) she can try handing it in, although anyone searching wouldn’t be going back to the police this far down the line , but if it’s truly valuable they may have filed a report as part of an insurance claim .

If after all this she can’t find the owner then at least she has tried .

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 07:06

Ask her what she'd do if she found cash of equal value. Or if someone found her dropped cash of equal value.

ZforZebra · 01/05/2023 07:13

I guess ask her what she’d hope would happen if the roles were reversed. If she lost something very expensive/sentimental/special to her, and someone found it, would she hope they’d try get it back to her or would she be ok with them keeping it (after making no effort to locate the rightful owner)?

Ladybug14 · 01/05/2023 07:15

www.mirror.co.uk/money/finders-keepers-can-you-legally-12258175?int_source=amp_continue_reading&int_medium=amp&int_campaign=continue_reading_button#amp-readmore-target

This is so interesting. I know its The Mirror newspaper.... but food for thought!

wyntersuhn · 01/05/2023 07:15

She needs to take some positive steps to try to find the owner. A few years ago I had a very expensive item stolen and then dumped. I reported the theft to the police, a few months later the item was found and taken to a neighbouring station and I was reunited with it. It does happen, and I was so grateful that the finder had done the right thing and handed it in. I'm sure if this item of jewellery is valuable, that it's owner would be equally happy to get it back. Take it to the police, post on some relevant FB Groups...do something to try to find the owner. I'm sure that's what your daughter would want to have happen if the tables were turned.

GP75 · 01/05/2023 07:17

Well if she's just kept it and made no reasonable effort to find the owner then she's stolen it hasn't she, what would you usually do when your daughter steals something FFS? 🤷

FairyPrincess123 · 01/05/2023 07:26

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 22:40

I didn’t realise it was a crime but I have told DD18 to try find the owner. I will talk to her again

Not just theft by finding, but you are also now an accessory after the fact.

Rosebel · 01/05/2023 07:35

Ask your DD if she would like someone to steal from her. I'm sorry but at 18 she's more than old enough to know better and her I don't care I like it attitude is so wrong. She sounds about 5. Get her to do the right thing.
I'm just thinking of the person who lost it being so upset and hunting everywhere for this piece of jewellery while your DD is happily showing it off.

TheKobayashiMaru · 01/05/2023 07:39

Flatandhappy · 30/04/2023 23:56

I would be pretty disappointed if my 18yo thought “finders keepers” was ok tbh regardless of whether or not she thought the item was valuable. I would hope I have raised my kids better.

Agree with this. Finders keepers was something said in primary school.

Throwncrumbs · 01/05/2023 07:46

It may have been dropped by a burglar, so she should hand it into the police station.