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AIBU?

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Original poster

Finders keepers?

243 replies

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 21:31

My DD18 told me last week she found an item of jewellery in a grass verge randomly one day when she was out walking to work - 6 months ago.

I recently complemented her wearing it and asked about it - she told me she found it and said she assumed it was just junk jewellery, but it turns out from my research when I looked at it the markings, it’s worth quite a lot of money.

It has no personal inscription on it (its not a ring) and I haven’t seen a post on our local group from anyone who has lost anything although I did tell her she could put a post up and if anyone described it then she should give it back.

She hasn’t put a post up and she is planning on keeping it, not cos it’s worth money she just likes it, she isn’t selling it.

I’m kind of feeling weird about it because it might be sentimental to someone. WWYD?

OP posts:
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 00:32

This was pre-Facebook in the 90s. She did try and repatriate the item from what I remember but can’t recall the details, I was very young.

Not sure why you’re giving me the third degree

Sorry, didn't mean to shoot the messenger - I misconstrued from your tone that you condoned your relative taking and keeping the property. I also had no way of knowing that this occurred many years ago.

Even so, there would have been police stations back then, surely? Or an alternative option would be for the finder to just realise that it's nothing to do with them and leave it there. That might mean that somebody else would come along and pocket it, but your own conscience would be clear; and if the finder isn't going to do anything to find the owner (or believes there isn't anything they can do), they aren't really any better than the next person who comes along and swipes it anyway.

TimeToBreakFree · 01/05/2023 00:33

Back in the olden days, you had to take something to the local police station, and if it wasn't claimed within a certain amount of time (used to be seven days I think) then it's yours. I don't think you have to do any particular slew thing because you will always get people come forward claiming it's theirs. The only thing you have to do though, is make sure you get some kind of reference from the police when you hand over to them, otherwise they might pocket it and you'll never hear about it again or have any proof you handed it in. Voice of bitter experience!

Keyan · 01/05/2023 00:34

Is it just me feeling sorry for the poor daughter right now?

TimeToBreakFree · 01/05/2023 00:34

*sleuthing

Voice to text didn't recognise that word!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 00:39

Oh good grief… settle down everyone, the OP’s daughter found a bit of jewelry that had been laying there for who knows how long. She’s not Ma Barker setting out on a life of crime. It’s not the missing piece of evidence in the crime of the century. Nor will there be a panic in a few days when the Crown Jewels have turned up missing.

Apart from the last sentence, you have no way whatsoever of knowing that any of that is true - it just sounds to me like how a thief would justify taking it. It may not be the 'crime of the century', but it could be extremely important to the person whose property it is.

Imagine if it had been lost in the course of an assault/rape/murder, then OP's DD comes along, finds it and takes it. It could have had crucial DNA on it which could have put a dangerous criminal behind bars, but who cares about any of that, if they can get a shiny new thing for free that might have been lost by a woman fighting for her life, eh?

pimplebum · 01/05/2023 00:43

Ffs do EVERYTHING you can to reunite jewellery with owner, that includes Facebook and police

If everything fails keep it

It is really simple

saltinesandcoffeecups · 01/05/2023 00:46

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 00:39

Oh good grief… settle down everyone, the OP’s daughter found a bit of jewelry that had been laying there for who knows how long. She’s not Ma Barker setting out on a life of crime. It’s not the missing piece of evidence in the crime of the century. Nor will there be a panic in a few days when the Crown Jewels have turned up missing.

Apart from the last sentence, you have no way whatsoever of knowing that any of that is true - it just sounds to me like how a thief would justify taking it. It may not be the 'crime of the century', but it could be extremely important to the person whose property it is.

Imagine if it had been lost in the course of an assault/rape/murder, then OP's DD comes along, finds it and takes it. It could have had crucial DNA on it which could have put a dangerous criminal behind bars, but who cares about any of that, if they can get a shiny new thing for free that might have been lost by a woman fighting for her life, eh?

Ok… 😉

BreadInCaptivity · 01/05/2023 01:01

This thread has gone a bit.....crazy.

Of course the right thing to do is to try and find the owner.

However, some of the comments about a young person are really awful.

The OP's child was simply somewhat thoughtless and immature.

The OP now needs to guide her into doing the right thing.

Realistically, even though it's not right, I think many people would have taken the "finders keepers" attitude in real life - irrespective of the posts on this thread.

This is an opportunity for the OP to talk to her child about our wider social obligations and about her moral convictions and values.

The frothing on this thread really isn't helpful.

Hardtime · 01/05/2023 01:06

Take the item to a police station BUT make sure that it is recorded and a receipt is given showing the date and time that it was handed in and explaining when it will become the daughter's property if not claimed.
The act that I am most criticised for is failing to ensure that a purse that I handed in with ID was recorded - a constable at the same police station was later fired for using a mobile phone that was held in evidence ... the owner he expected to get convicted got acquitted.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 01:08

saltinesandcoffeecups

I'm not saying that the possible scenario that I posited is necessarily likely, but equally, you have no way of being able to be so confident that Lady Opulent dropped it whilst walking through the park and didn't even notice it gone, in amongst all of the rest. There is any number of possible scenarios that could mean that losing a precious item will devastate somebody.

All I'm saying is that, if you don't care about anybody else, tell yourself whatever you want and just take it. And then, if you or one of your loved ones loses something in future, you can just hope that the finder shares the same outlook as you and consider it instantly gone.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 01:10

However, some of the comments about a young person are really awful.

The OP's child was simply somewhat thoughtless and immature.

Aged 17 or 18?! Hardly a toddler who saw a pretty sparkly thing and took it, not knowing any better.

Kokeshi123 · 01/05/2023 01:12

She should take all reasonable steps to find the owner.
If all measures are exhausted, keeping it is fine.

"Do as you would be done by."

TimeToBreakFree · 01/05/2023 01:16

Hardtime · 01/05/2023 01:06

Take the item to a police station BUT make sure that it is recorded and a receipt is given showing the date and time that it was handed in and explaining when it will become the daughter's property if not claimed.
The act that I am most criticised for is failing to ensure that a purse that I handed in with ID was recorded - a constable at the same police station was later fired for using a mobile phone that was held in evidence ... the owner he expected to get convicted got acquitted.

Can't agree more - that's what I meant when I said get some reference from the police to prove you handed it in. Voice of bitter experience!

EustaceTheMonk · 01/05/2023 01:16

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

It's called "stealing by finding". It is a criminal offence.

HipHipCimorene · 01/05/2023 01:19

It should be handed in to the police
Get a receipt and take a photo.
If no one claims it, ( don’t quote me but I think it’s 6months) then it is hers.

NotMeSecretFormular · 01/05/2023 01:20

It's not hers and she should try to find out who it belonged to. You can't enforce it and she doesn't have to agree, but it's the right thing to do.

Junosui · 01/05/2023 01:27

Sinamin · 01/05/2023 00:03

Yes this.

Your daughter is a sneaky little thief OP. It's not hers, she didn't buy it or in any other way acquire it legally and has kept quiet about it for half a year which itself shows that she knew it was wrong unless she has been very badly brought up and I don't believe that to be true.

What if it turned out to be a bit of vital evidence regarding a crime, probably against a woman if it's jewellery? Unlikely but also possible, how else could it have just been randomly lying on a grass verge without it's owner going back to recover it?

Show quote history

Wtf?

Do you have any CLUE how big of a shit the police are able to give about this kind of thing?

Do you seriously think that this would be a good use of any police resources whatsoever, given how thinly they're stretched right now?

Stop demonising small stuff. No, this wasn't a perfect reaction from the OP's daughter, but your reaction is ludicrous and spiteful.

Where I live, you find something, you put it on a wall for the owner to find. If it's there a week later, you donate it to a charity shop/cause. No 'reporting it to the police' or FB campaigns. Because common sense, basically.

ittakes2 · 01/05/2023 03:03

I found a ring and handed to police. They kept it for a few months and then called me to collect when no one showed up for it. I still have it - I was offered money for it but police said I have to keep it just incase.

hockerydockerydick · 01/05/2023 03:21

shitty behaviour

PigletJohn · 01/05/2023 03:28

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:21

Sure, but the thread wasn't asking what is lawful and what is not.

Show quote history

Is it moral to pocket other people's mislaid possessions?

Cazareeto1 · 01/05/2023 03:34

Lmao 🤣 some of the replies are u real,
🤦‍♀️ she is a dirty little thief because she found jewellery…. Lady’s get a grip and stop being horrible and judgmental.. back to your own life’s and apparently perfect children 🤦‍♀️

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 03:37

Is it moral to pocket other people's mislaid possessions?

Exactly. Plus, how do you even know they're actually mislaid? What if somebody leaves their bike against railings whilst they nip to the toilet; or a bag over in a corner whilst they play football/walk their dog/deal with their young child etc.?

In fact, what are we saying about nice plant pots or other decorative features that people leave in their front gardens, which often go walkies? We have several sets of scrap men who come door to door and take battered old scrap metal that's obviously been left for them at the end of people's drives, but some of them have been known to help themselves to children's swings or metal items that have clearly just been delivered new.

The only decent thing to do is to say "This doesn't belong to me, so it's not mine" and then either leave it, or - if it has apparently been lost - hand it in and/or try to find the owner.

Marchitectmummy · 01/05/2023 03:49

Your dsughter made the wrong call inititally however It's easily rectified, just put a few posts on sm and see what comes back. Can also register it found with the police also im not sure many go to the police now for lost items.

user1473878824 · 01/05/2023 03:59

switswooo · 30/04/2023 23:33

Not sure there’s much she can do. My relative found a bracelet in the park, was worth a few hundred.

Really? Apart from the many suggestions here?

ItsBritneyBitchhhh · 01/05/2023 04:12

LightDrizzle · 30/04/2023 22:50

Criminal and cold. She’s given no thought to the possible distress of the person who has lost it. Where is her empathy?

Empathy? Did she snatch it off the person and leave them for dead? Get a bloody grip.

She found something on the floor, in a grass verge outside. Was she meanr to stop every person that passed her and ask if it was their jewellery? You’re speaking as if she’s seen a FB post of someone saying Lost Jewellery with an exact description of what she found and just scrolled past the post?

Finders keepers loosers weepers. Especially when you’re in public and it doesn’t appear to be anyones