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AIBU?

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Original poster

Finders keepers?

243 replies

AldiBag4Life · 30/04/2023 21:31

My DD18 told me last week she found an item of jewellery in a grass verge randomly one day when she was out walking to work - 6 months ago.

I recently complemented her wearing it and asked about it - she told me she found it and said she assumed it was just junk jewellery, but it turns out from my research when I looked at it the markings, it’s worth quite a lot of money.

It has no personal inscription on it (its not a ring) and I haven’t seen a post on our local group from anyone who has lost anything although I did tell her she could put a post up and if anyone described it then she should give it back.

She hasn’t put a post up and she is planning on keeping it, not cos it’s worth money she just likes it, she isn’t selling it.

I’m kind of feeling weird about it because it might be sentimental to someone. WWYD?

OP posts:
willWillSmithsmith · 01/05/2023 07:49

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

Would that include a wallet with hundreds of pounds in it or something that looked like an engagement ring?

Mortimercat · 01/05/2023 07:50

Sparklfairy · 01/05/2023 06:58

Posters here calling a teenager all sorts of names, when it's likely she hasn't thought much further than 'oooh this is pretty' are out of order.

Teenagers are notorious for 1) not thinking further than their own wants and needs and 2) being lazy, so making FB posts and all sorts feels like effort.

That said, I own loads of stuff that has little to no monetary value, but I would still be devastated if I lost because of sentimental value. Is there an item she was given or really treasures that is similar, that you can ask her to imagine 'what if she lost that and someone found it but just thought it was cool and kept it, how would you feel?' sort of thing?

I don't think she was 'cold and criminal' or however a PP so delightfully put it. Sometimes people don't think further than their own little bubble, and if it wasn't obviously expensive to a layperson they might think it was 'worthless' and ok to keep. Some people/teens just don't think.

You have a pretty poor opinion of teenagers then. She is 18 and easily old enough to understand theft and have empathy with somebody that has lost something. Furthermore her mother has pointed out (albeit half heartedly it seems) that somebody might be missing this item and she still doesn’t care. I’d be ashamed of her and of myself if I had raised a child so badly.

Nanaof1 · 01/05/2023 07:59

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 01/05/2023 01:10

However, some of the comments about a young person are really awful.

The OP's child was simply somewhat thoughtless and immature.

Aged 17 or 18?! Hardly a toddler who saw a pretty sparkly thing and took it, not knowing any better.

Thank you! I love the fact that people will say that 18 yr olds are immature and don't always know right from wrong but yet, they vote, get married, serve in the armed forces, drive, drink. It's a scary thought.

My DS knew at the age of seven that when he found something on a path in the woods that it needed to be turned in.

Dontcareforthehaters · 01/05/2023 08:01

Turn it in to the Police station. Imagine that it belongs to someone elderly or to someone who isn't on FB. It could be a family heirloom.

DeflatedAgain · 01/05/2023 08:01

I would ask her to do a post. It's been quite a while so not sure anyone would come forward.

Someone might be so happy if it's sentimental to them.

AngelinaFibres · 01/05/2023 08:06

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

Do as you would be done by is a handy mantra for life.
If you had lost something that was of financial/ huge sentimental value how would you feel . Wouldn't you be hugely relieved to get it back.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/05/2023 08:08

Police may not be willing to accept it, it’s likely to depend on the value. She absolutely should put done effort into finding the rightful owner.

Finders keepers?
Nanaof1 · 01/05/2023 08:09

willWillSmithsmith · 01/05/2023 07:49

Would that include a wallet with hundreds of pounds in it or something that looked like an engagement ring?

Show quote history

My guess is if they found it, they'd follow their "rule". If they lost it, they'd want Interpol/FBI/CIA/MI6 on the case.

GuinnessBird · 01/05/2023 08:10

This thread is batshit.

OP's daughter found a bit of jewelry probably worth a few hundred quid, it's hardly the beginnings of an epic career as a thief is it?

Some of the comments are very uncalled for and I highly doubt that the posters making them would practice what they preach if they were ever in a similar situation.

Justhereforthebotox · 01/05/2023 08:19

Sounds like your dd just hasn’t really thought it through.
Now that she knows it’s valuable (materially and therefore, more likely, sentimentally), give her an example of something she loves and how she’d feel if she lost it and someone just kept it.
She just needs a nudge in the right direction. I’m sure she’ll do the right thing.

NOTANUM · 01/05/2023 08:23

This thread is bonkers indeed. It’s like no-one knows how the brain of a 6th former is wired. They literally know nothing as a newly minted adult and need to learn about the world. The same child would never shop lift I’m sure so calling her a thief is not on.

Climbles · 01/05/2023 08:23

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

What about car keys? Can you take the car? A phone? a wallet?

Rosula · 01/05/2023 08:25

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

It's theft, pure and simple.

Hellocatshome · 01/05/2023 08:26

Goodnes you go to sleep and the thread goes crazy.

No she doesn't need to tale it to the police they will not give a flying shit.
Yes she does need to take reasonable steps to find the owner. Given that it was lost 6 months ago really the only thing she can do now is a post on Facebook etc.
Thats it, its not a huge drama or the start of a life of crime.

berksandbeyond · 01/05/2023 08:28

Flatandhappy · 30/04/2023 23:56

I would be pretty disappointed if my 18yo thought “finders keepers” was ok tbh regardless of whether or not she thought the item was valuable. I would hope I have raised my kids better.

Very much this. I think my 4 year old would know better, I’d hope so!

LimeCheesecake · 01/05/2023 08:30

@AldiBag4Life - I wouldn’t start with FB post - I’d advise her to contact the local police, they might have a report of it being lost /stolen, which will be nice and quick to return it to the owner. It’s been 6 months but she can explain she thought it was junk so didn’t report it and is now she’s discovered it’s worth something so might have been reported. If no report they’ll probably tell her to keep it, but then she’s tried.

GoodChat · 01/05/2023 08:31

NOTANUM · 01/05/2023 08:23

This thread is bonkers indeed. It’s like no-one knows how the brain of a 6th former is wired. They literally know nothing as a newly minted adult and need to learn about the world. The same child would never shop lift I’m sure so calling her a thief is not on.

She's not a child, she's an adult. She's been learning how the world works for 18 years. Keeping something because she likes it with no consideration for anyone else is not something my 3 year old would do. She'd say "oh no mommy, someone's lost their necklace". She wouldn't pick it up and put it in her pocket then just never mention it.

Notjustabrunette · 01/05/2023 08:32

Well the ‘right’ thing to do would be an attempt to find the owner. I would just post of the local Facebook page with a bride description. Or do a search under lost bracelet etc to see if someone posted months ago asking if anyone had found it. At least it’s an attempt to do the right thing.

bigdecisionstomake · 01/05/2023 08:35

Keyan · 30/04/2023 22:19

I don't see anything wrong with this?? If you find something on the floor in public and nobody is around looking for it then it is okay IMO to have it.

That's a dreadful attitude to have. My DP managed to drop his card holder (also containing some cash) at the petrol station last weekend and luckily a kind person handed it in. Without their kindness we would have had hours of pain stopping all the cards and waiting for new ones to be issued not to mention the loss of the cash. He had been home a couple of hours before realising he hadn't got it so wasn't looking for it at the time it was found so by your logic the person who found should just have been able to keep it? 😕

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 01/05/2023 08:37

I love how everyone is calling her a thief and slamming her for not going to the police - when the police themselves say they wouldn't be interested in any non-identifiable, low value items Grin

I wonder if any of the nasty posters will come back and apologise?

I suspect not.

Fighterofthenightman1 · 01/05/2023 08:38

Cazareeto1 · 01/05/2023 03:34

Lmao 🤣 some of the replies are u real,
🤦‍♀️ she is a dirty little thief because she found jewellery…. Lady’s get a grip and stop being horrible and judgmental.. back to your own life’s and apparently perfect children 🤦‍♀️

Agreed! Wtf is going on!

Rosula · 01/05/2023 08:40

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 01/05/2023 08:37

I love how everyone is calling her a thief and slamming her for not going to the police - when the police themselves say they wouldn't be interested in any non-identifiable, low value items Grin

I wonder if any of the nasty posters will come back and apologise?

I suspect not.

But this isn't a low value item. And, most importantly, she had no reason to think it was when she decided to keep it.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 01/05/2023 08:42

@Rosula we don't know the value of the item as OP hadn't been back to tell us.

She just said it was worth some money - that could mean £100 or £1000.

keeponandonandon · 01/05/2023 08:43

A few years ago, my daughter lost a piece of jewellery given to her by my grandmother after my grandfather died. To this day, she struggles with her guilt for losing it and she holds on to such great sadness as it held sentimental value especially now they are no longer here. Tell your daughter to try to find the owner as she is legally and morally wrong!

Fighterofthenightman1 · 01/05/2023 08:44

Rosula · 01/05/2023 08:40

But this isn't a low value item. And, most importantly, she had no reason to think it was when she decided to keep it.

Show quote history

High value is usually something over £1000

I doubt this bit of jewellery was that valuable

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