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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wish it was seen as the most beautiful thing ever to be super overweight

228 replies

weeducky · 30/04/2023 12:00

Okay I know I am being because health but I am sat here really bloody hungry because I need to lose weight and I've had my morning 300 cals and it's just miserable. Heroin chic thin was in and I feel like if a BMI of 26/27/28 was seen as the pinnacle of beauty life would be lovely and I could eat what I wanted. Eating delicious food is such a source of joy and life would just be so much better if it was without guilt.

Don't worry, I know this isn't sensible realistically (even though we're potentially going that way) just dreaming because I really really want something delicious and filling for my lunch and I can't have it.

OP posts:
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6
Botw1 · 30/04/2023 18:01

@Jourdain11

That's like saying someone with a bmi of 40 is in good health and doesn't need help to lose weight

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/04/2023 18:09

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 17:16

This may be true, but according to the Bupa BMI calculator (NHS one is unavailable) my BMI is 15.2. I don't have an eating disorder, nor have I ever had one, nor do I look gaunt, emaciated, etc. I don't starve myself or even particularly think about what I eat, although I'm not much of a snacker. I just have a fast metabolism and a naturally narrow frame / light build.

I have never had heart failure, kidney failure or intestinal issues and certainly have never been hospitalised for any weight related illness.

So it's not so simple as to say, if your BMI is under X, you will be starving yourself and unhealthy.

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Have you been scored following a DEXA scan?

22% of women over 50 are estimated to have osteoporosis. A BMI of 26 and above is a known protective factor against it, one below 22 increases the risk further - 15 is a significant risk.

That's not including those who have osteopenia or osteomalacia - you can add those on, too.

brunettemic · 30/04/2023 18:12

To some people it is

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 18:45

ASGIRC · 30/04/2023 18:01

When you say youre in good health, is that because you feel fine or have tests been done, regarding your potassium levels, kidney function, etc?

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Both, I feel fine but I've also have a range of blood tests done every 6 months (related to previous illness, not specifically for weight reasons) and everything is within normal ranges.

ScratchingMyHead · 30/04/2023 18:56

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 17:43

Yeah, absolutely sure. For PP who asked, my height is slightly less than yours and I weight just under 7 stone. I used to weigh more (around 7 stone 6 at a guess) but I was ill (not weight-related) a few years ago and lost a lot of weight at that point. When I recovered I did regain weight, but it naturally seemed to stick at around 7 stone. I tried supplenting with meal replacement drinks between meals and extra snacks and would put on a bit, but as soon as I stopped bothering, my weight would reset to around 7 stone. My weight was always low anyway, and I do think I genuinely have a narrow or light-boned frame because I don't look particularly bony or anything.

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I am not as low weight as you, but I am 5 foot two, very small build and from an E Asian culture. Until I was 52, I was always 17 something BMI. Now I am perimenopausal. My BMI is almost 19. I have always been fit, healthy and active with regular periods. No doctor has ever had any concern about my weight. Friends have always envied my ability to eat without putting on weight. It’s the luck of the draw.

I put on all my weight around my boobs and belly which is the dangerous kind. Not good. The Asian scales also are lower than the standard numbers.

I would have to put on a lot of weight to get a BMI over 25 and I have no doubt at all that I would look overweight. However, many people would challenge that comment. It is interesting because when people say that they would look like a ‘bag of bones’ at the lower end of a BMI range, that is never challenged.

I think some overweight people just cannot believe that some people are just petite build and can still be healthy.

I do agree that not all thin people are healthy however. And I know bigger people who are definitely healthier overall than me. Weight is just one metric for health. An important one, but just one.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/04/2023 19:10

There is nothing more irritating than when I am a BMI of 35 and needing to lose weight as it's affected my health and given me pre diabetes - (and I am now eating so healthily it's untrue) seeing someone who clearly isn't overweight (or if so must be about half a stone ) throwing a pity party.

Barnbrack · 30/04/2023 19:13

weeducky · 30/04/2023 12:09

My BMI is 25.5. Usually I'm at about 22 and still feel miserable but gained weight due to a considerably shit year causing insane stress. For me it's 100% about looks. I know it shouldn't be, but growing up with Cosmopolitan and 'fat' Bridget Jones will do that to you.

Gosh yeah, if only it were trendy to be as hugely fat as you are 🙃🙄

denpark · 30/04/2023 19:15

I used to be very slim but am now a lot bigger. I used to hate it and would often not eat etc etc to try to be what society in the UK seems as beautiful.

You know what? In most cultures bigger women are the gold standard and are viewed as sexy. I've noticed that many men actually prefer me with boobs/a tum/a bum.

I'm sure you're absolutely beautiful and stunning exactly as you are xxx

Dillydollydingdong · 30/04/2023 19:17

You're not overweight at all are you? 25.5 wtf? Just eat, woman!

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 19:21

ScratchingMyHead · 30/04/2023 18:56

I am not as low weight as you, but I am 5 foot two, very small build and from an E Asian culture. Until I was 52, I was always 17 something BMI. Now I am perimenopausal. My BMI is almost 19. I have always been fit, healthy and active with regular periods. No doctor has ever had any concern about my weight. Friends have always envied my ability to eat without putting on weight. It’s the luck of the draw.

I put on all my weight around my boobs and belly which is the dangerous kind. Not good. The Asian scales also are lower than the standard numbers.

I would have to put on a lot of weight to get a BMI over 25 and I have no doubt at all that I would look overweight. However, many people would challenge that comment. It is interesting because when people say that they would look like a ‘bag of bones’ at the lower end of a BMI range, that is never challenged.

I think some overweight people just cannot believe that some people are just petite build and can still be healthy.

I do agree that not all thin people are healthy however. And I know bigger people who are definitely healthier overall than me. Weight is just one metric for health. An important one, but just one.

Show quote history

Thanks for this! You phrased what I was trying to say much more eloquently - that some people do fall outside the "healthy" BMI range naturally, while not being in poor health or dieting/overeating. I imagine I would also look overweight with a BMI of 25 because it wouldn't be natural with my bone structure.

Crikeyalmighty · 30/04/2023 19:31

@Kyse if I lose about another stone and a half, I look very similar to you body wise and I too would still have a BMI of about 33 or 34 .

Kyse · 30/04/2023 19:33

Crikeyalmighty · 30/04/2023 19:31

@Kyse if I lose about another stone and a half, I look very similar to you body wise and I too would still have a BMI of about 33 or 34 .

The dress pic was about 16 stone, the bike pic was today and 17st 2

Pestispeeved · 30/04/2023 19:37

Bridget Jones was 22 years ago. Do you not keep up with trendy young people?

They go to the gym and build thick thighs, they value strength plus healthy hearts and lungs. When they eat they worry about macros not calories.
They put effort into avoiding the starve binge and get bigger cycles that their mothers and grandmothers went through.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 30/04/2023 19:39

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 19:21

Thanks for this! You phrased what I was trying to say much more eloquently - that some people do fall outside the "healthy" BMI range naturally, while not being in poor health or dieting/overeating. I imagine I would also look overweight with a BMI of 25 because it wouldn't be natural with my bone structure.

Show quote history

I suspect the disbelief of people who are healthy in a higher bmi range might be as big as the disbelief of naturally petite people (and no, I would not call somebody at a healthy weight underweight or overweight simply due to their bmi).

Body composition, small or large/broad build, where you carry the weight (stomach vs thighs etc), race etc. are obviously relevant. Bmi is simply a useful indicator, not a definitive answer.

And a bmi of 25 is commonly considered overweight for the average SE Asian...

Tiddler39 · 30/04/2023 19:42

ASGIRC · 30/04/2023 16:44

You might not know whether they are or not.
Someone with a BMI of under 18 is at risk for heart failure, kidney failure, intestinal issues...
Someone with a BMI of 15 or so will definitely have been in hospital with any of the above problems.
In men, a BMI of 13 is fatal.

Its also harder to be underweight than it is to be overweight.
You have to basically starve yourself to be underweight. Think anorexia. Or illness. With starvation comes lack of needed nutrients, vital for the good function of the body.

People with anorexia have strokes at an early age, heart attacks, kidney failure...

I have a relative who has been a life long anorexic, who has been in hospital, near death, several times, and is now permanently on dialysis, as her kidneys have failed completely. This is common in people with anorexia

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Hmmm.

My BMI is 19, so in theory I wouldn’t be a million miles off this situation.

And yet… I look completely normal, am healthy, strong, active, eat well, do resistance training and live a generally normal life.

But you’re saying that if I was just half a stone lighter I’d be at risk of a heart attack?

Wtf are you basing that on?

pfftt · 30/04/2023 19:43

Hairday · 30/04/2023 12:05

In some countries it is seen as beautiful. Skinny is ugly in those places.

In increasingly fewer countries is thin seen as ugly and fat seen as beautiful.

pfftt · 30/04/2023 19:44

Botw1 · 30/04/2023 12:08

Also most slim people aren't healthy either so it really shouldn't be about looks

Strange assertion. Most slim people will be healthier than most overweight people. Some will be unhealthy but stating that most slim people are unhealthy is weird

Deadpalm · 30/04/2023 19:46

Bit of fat was the least of the problems with Brodget Jones tbh. Even at my age that time I was annoyed by her whining and inompetence🙈 So much so it never really registered with me that the bit if fat is supposed to be the main issue!

Botw1 · 30/04/2023 19:46

@pfftt

Whether they are healthier than anyone else is irrelevant

Health has nothing to do with looks.

If someone if a bmi of 15 can claim they're healthy then so can someone of a bmi of 40.

pfftt · 30/04/2023 19:47

Daleksatemyshed · 30/04/2023 12:27

Your being very hard on yourself Op, I think most of us gained some weight during lockdown when it was hard to go out and exercise. Some places being very overweight was seen as a good thing but it was more as a show of how rich your DH was, it showed he could afford to overfeed you.

Pretty useless if you don't live in one of those countries

ScratchingMyHead · 30/04/2023 19:49

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 30/04/2023 19:39

I suspect the disbelief of people who are healthy in a higher bmi range might be as big as the disbelief of naturally petite people (and no, I would not call somebody at a healthy weight underweight or overweight simply due to their bmi).

Body composition, small or large/broad build, where you carry the weight (stomach vs thighs etc), race etc. are obviously relevant. Bmi is simply a useful indicator, not a definitive answer.

And a bmi of 25 is commonly considered overweight for the average SE Asian...

Show quote history

Exactly. I have bigger friends and I completely believe them when they say they would look awful, feel awful etc at the low end of the BMI. They would have to eat too little to get there. Like I would have to eat way too much to get to 25 from my 19.

We are all different builds and shapes. In general, I think people tend to look best when they are as close as possible to their ‘natural’ build genetically, whether that’s bigger or smaller than the accepted norm.

ScratchingMyHead · 30/04/2023 19:50

Botw1 · 30/04/2023 19:46

@pfftt

Whether they are healthier than anyone else is irrelevant

Health has nothing to do with looks.

If someone if a bmi of 15 can claim they're healthy then so can someone of a bmi of 40.

I actually agree with this.

EggInANest · 30/04/2023 19:53

I honestly have no judgement on the looks of people of different sizes, attractiveness comes in many forms.

And I care not much about what anyone thinks of me, to look at.

But, no, I wouldn’t want to be overweight because I just don’t feel as comfortable. I have been in the overweight BMI zone and I don’t have as much stamina and agility. Things are harder work.

I would love to be able to eat unlimited ice cream and crisps and not put on weight, that’s true.

OP: try not to focus on the deprivation of cutting down your intake, but see yourself as taking care of yourself, investing in your health, and really enjoying the food you do eat.

It takes a few days for your appetite to adjust and a sugar craving to stop, keep busy and be chuffed with yourself.

AngryBirdsNoMore · 30/04/2023 19:56

weeducky · 30/04/2023 12:09

My BMI is 25.5. Usually I'm at about 22 and still feel miserable but gained weight due to a considerably shit year causing insane stress. For me it's 100% about looks. I know it shouldn't be, but growing up with Cosmopolitan and 'fat' Bridget Jones will do that to you.

Oh man this is so goady it’s untrue

Jourdain11 · 30/04/2023 19:58

ScratchingMyHead · 30/04/2023 19:50

I actually agree with this.

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So do I, broadly. But @Botw1 does seem to think that it's impossible for someone who's low-weight to be healthy, but that it is possible to be perfectly healthy at a higher BMI.

I agree with you and with pp that, basically, if you're close to your "natural" weight and look and feel healthy, you should be okay? So if you're naturally 8 stone and eat well, in good health, good energy, you're fine - but if you're having to starve yourself to get to 8 stone and have no energy, periods have stopped etc., it's probably not the weight you're supposed to be.