13 year old at boyfriends house

[pinkshoes87]

DD13 has a boyfriend. She's been "seeing" him for a month or so. I wouldn't say it was anything serious. She isn't sexually active or anything like that.

She's asked me if she can go to his house on Monday. She says his dad will be home.

I said she can go if I speak to his dad first, she says I'm being unreasonable and embarassing.

I'm trying to balance it between being her parent and remembering what it's like being 13. Unfortunately her dad passed away so I have nobody else to ask...

I don't know how this 13 year old boy will be. I know of him as he's in her class but I don't know him. He lives locally so she's only a 5 min drive away.

DD is fairly innocent and I don't think she's ever kissed a boy, I think she'd tell me if she did. However she is physically more developed than emotionally. She has a B cup and a womanly figure which obviously boys pay attention to.

I don't want her to go at all if I'm honest.

AIBU??

As a mother of a son I think all this indignation over women wanting to protect their daughters is ridiculous. Men / boys commit almost all of sex crimes. Of course it's sensible to not want your female child in a house alone with men you don't know.

This. Obviously only men and boys are predators 🙄

I haven't seen anyone deny that, people have purely said that boys also need protecting, albeit from different things to girls but there are still many risks, people have said both need protecting, which i think is fair. I can't actually remember reading any posts on this thread that say the OP should allow her DD to her BFs house without knowing the parent first, I wouldn't have let my son either at that age. People have objected to the fact it is apparently creepy for a girl to go round to someone's house that contains a boy and their dad.

It's not creepy, doesn't mean it should be allowed without thought about risks of course but that should be the same all the time, presumably in a 2 parent home there is a chance the dad would be in the house alone with their son and therefore potentially a girl also.

Sensible post and update OP. Sounds like you’re doing all the right things, which is the most any of us can do as parents.

As per usual some posters have gone down a rabbit hole of whataboutery with their own personal scenarios, rather than focusing on the specific situation you had described.

A solicitor will also be able to tell you how coercive control is currently understood by the family courts.

???

I’d say no if it was my 13y.o. I’d absolutely speak to the parent of the other child, as I do with her female friends.
Non-negotiable in my opinion. She’ll benefit from clear boundaries, as will he!

I wouldn't let my 13 year old daughter go to a boy's house. My brother got his 14 year old girlfriend pregnant despite my mum and dad being in the house. Mum and dad were naive and just left them alone in the front room for hours on end. The girlfriend had an abortion and my brother tried to kill himself.

I won't let my 13 year old son visit his friends houses unless I have met the parents and think they are responsible people. He has friends he meets outside when they are playing football etc that he knows he isn't allowed to go to their homes. I don't necessarily think the kids are bad kids but I don't want my son in their home environment at 13.

If your gut says no then don’t allow her to go. Invite him round instead.
with teens the more you loosen the rules the more they’ll take advantage and before you know it you’ll have a grandbaby to care for.
besides that you don’t even know the boy or his family and if it’s a safe environment. She’s only 13 and you have a right to say no.

I don't know why people are screaming sexual assault, as though it's only the 13 year old boys yhat have sexual urges! People who think their 13 year old daughters are only holding hands with their bf are deluded!

Absolutely this. Sad to say, but the girls at my school who had boyfriends were all have sex. They were 13 and that was almost 30 years ago. I would assume sex is even more prevalent now.

You're entitled to your opinion OP, but this is weird. All men aren't rapists

Don't encourage romantic relationships or "boyfriends" for a child who's barely a teenager. FFS!

I appreciate this is an older thread now.

However I'm surprised by what I'm reading.

I've read so many posts on MN about the fact that a woman shouldn't go back to a man's house after a first date etc because of the obvious dangers.

Yet on this post some people think it's wrong that a mum is trying to protect her 13 year old by not allowing her to go to a house with a man and a teenage boy she doesn't know!

I had absolutely no interest in boys. I didn't date until I was an adult, so it was men I was looking to do more than holding hands with.

Most of my friends had full lives and had other interests until college at least. So my point is, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of a boyfriend at this young age.

The opposite actually due to social media and not meeting up so much irl. Teen pregnancy is down.

I an really shocked to see that being in a relationship at 13 is encouraged and having sex is expected..wth..these are still children and no way emptionally mature to handle a relationship or sex or the possible consequences. My first time was at 17 and people i know 16+.

Like how does a 13 year old find a boyfriend in the first place,at a playground or is there a kiddie Tinder around? How can they manage to have intercourse are there no parents around to supervise the children?

Who is encouraging it? Yes the problem is their physical maturity has overtaken their emotional maturity.

The answer here would be just NO.

Enabling children having sex, not knowing where your child is and what they are doing and who they doing it with is encouraging it.

It is very unhealthy to helicopter a 13 year old!